Tender Loving Care'
by WFROSE
Summary: This is just going to be full of Kodak moments...
1. Prologue

Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
Ranma struggled over his father's shoulder, crying desperately for his mother. Nodoka stood at the door, silently weeping as her son was being taken from her to be groomed into a 'Man among Men'. As much as it pained her, Genma vowed that he would fulfill his promise, but in order to do so, the boy needed to be given stern guidance and worldly experience in the art. She finally relented, for she had the utmost trust in her husband.  
  
  
Ranma's face grew more menacing the farther he was carried from his home, from his mother, by his father. It wasn't fair, he wanted his mother, he didn't want to go, it was all father's fault...  
  
Ranma then decided, his father was going to pay, oh yes, he was going to pay dearly...  
________________________________________  
  
Several months later  
  
"You LET him?" Nodoka's neighbor, Ms. Akuzaki, asked incredulously, as she stopped from putting the cup of hot tea to her mouth.  
  
Nodoka meekly nodded, "Well, he was right, I would only smother our son. What was done must be done."  
  
"You sure Genma can raise your son well?"  
  
Nodoka took a sip from her cup before replying, "I have the utmost faith in him."  
__________________________________________  
  
"Okay boy, now stand still while I wrap this around you," Genma commanded, holding the string of fish sausages.  
  
Ranma twisted his nose at the thought of wearing the smelly things. He turned and looked towards the pit, "What's in there, Pop?"  
  
"Cats, to help you learn an invincible technique," Genma stated proudly.  
  
Ranma opened the trap door, and looked inside. In the darkness he could see several starving cats, scurrying over one another at the sight of light. Ranma's eyes narrowed, as he put two and two together, "I thought you had cats in here..."  
  
"Huh?" Genma asked, puzzled.  
  
"I see a bunch of dogs in here, Pop. Did they eat the cats or something?"  
  
Genma raised an eyebrow, "What are you talking about, boy?"  
  
"There aren't any cats in here! Just a bunch of dogs."  
  
"Those aren't dogs, they're cats," maybe he should let the boy attend school more.  
  
"No they're not, they're dogs!"  
  
"Don't be foolish, boy, they're cats! How would I teach you the cat fist with dogs instead of cats?"  
  
"Yeah, it don't make sense! So why do you have dogs in there?"  
  
"They're cats!" Genma stated, his voice rising, "Dogs don't 'meow'."  
  
"There, a few cats in there, the dogs are eating them." Ranma stated passively.  
  
"Look, I'll prove to you they're cats! Just look," Genma went to the trap door and looked inside and pointed, "See how they have pointy ears and slitted cat's eyeeEEEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Ranma quickly bolted the trap door shut, leaving his father, who was still holding the smelly fish sausages, trapped in the pit. Ranma ignored the screams of his father, and strode over to his father's pack. Ranma's face grew irritated when he didn't find any money.  
  
Agitated, he walked back to the trap door, and unbolted it, and lifted the door up. His father quickly leapt up and clung to the side. Ranma quickly reached into his father's gi, and chirped cheerfully when he found the money his dad saved. Giving a hard kick to Genma's face, his father was sent screaming back into the depths of the ravenous felines. Ranma re-bolted the trap door, and started skipping to the store to buy some candy.  
____________________________________________  
  
"A mother is important to the development of a child," A woman walking through a local park with Nodoka stated matter-of-factly, "Smothered or not, he needs your guidance."  
  
"Maybe so," Nodoka replied, "but my husband knows what he's doing. He's a great teacher and disciplinarian. Ranma will grow up fine."  
  
"Whatever," the woman answered, "We all know though, that it's the mothers that mean business..."  
_____________________________________________  
  
Ranma fiddled with the stick in his hand, sitting on the top of the yatai as his father ran as fast as he could to lose the little girl behind them. Ranma 'carelessly' tossed the stick behind him, getting it stuck in Genma's legs, causing him to trip, let go of the yatai, and stumble down the side of the road into a ditch. By the time he recovered, a large bearded man holding a menacing looking battle spatula glared down at the other martial artist.  
  
"So... you were planning on taking the dowry and leaving my little girl behind..."  
  
Ranma walked up to Ukyo, who was picking himself up off of the ground, "Hey Ucchan, wanna spar some more?"  
  
Genma continued to scream.  
_______________________________________________  
  
"Do you know how you're son's doing in school?" Mrs. Takashi asked Nodoka, as they shopped the market."  
  
"I haven't gotten any word on his schooling, but I think my husband instilled that it was important that a man among men needed education."  
  
"Really," the other woman contested, "Genma doesn't seem like the scholarly type to me."  
  
"He knows that it's important, I'm sure he made our son realize the same."  
________________________________________________  
  
Several young men ran around, screaming in agony as they scrambled for whatever edible liquid they could get. Ranma laughed hard, holding the drum of industrial strength wasabi. School lunch breads were so bland; they needed a little spice.  
  
A young man with fangs scrambled around in tears, unable to navigate to a water fountain. He knew who was behind this, and the bastard will pay, "RANMA!" Ryoga said through the pain and teary eyes, "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!"  
_________________________________________________  
  
"I would imagine that Ranma doesn't get much socialization in China," Mrs. Sakazaki commented, "I mean, being in a foreign country, and in the back regions at that."  
  
"Yes, though I would imagine that Genma has instilled within Ranma the need to socialize with other people. I'm positive Ranma's bilingual." Nodoka clasped her hands together and became starry eyed, "Oh, my son's probably so manly! Flirting with beautiful Chinese women in their native language at such a young age."  
  
Mrs. Sakazaki chuckled at her friend's expression.  
___________________________________________________  
  
A panda ran for its life, carrying a redheaded girl tucked under its arm. The redhead was too engrossed in her book to care, a Chinese translation of "A Pyromaniac's guide to Propane and Propane accessories."  
  
In the distance they were heading away, several women ran screaming, trying to get water from a nearby river to put out the massive fire in their village.  
  
Once they were able to get the blaze under the control, an Amazon search party would be called.  
___________________________________________________  
  
"Your husband was a bit stern in his ways," Ms. Kobiyashi stated, "You think it was wise for him to have your son by himself?"  
  
"Nonsense," Nodoka replied, looking up from her tea, "my husband may be manly and stern, but he knows a thing or two about tender loving care." 


	2. Chapter 1; Hell hasn't quite broken loos...

Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
The panda walked into the main room, carrying a heavily chained, and proficiently gagged redhead. Akane stood in front of her family, ready to defend them as a martial artist would. Before anyone could make a second reaction, the large animal held up a sign.  
  
"[I'm tired, I don't feel like putting up with this now]" ::flip:: "[Just show me to my damn room, and we'll all get along fine.]"  
  
"Such rude language," Kasumi admonished with a slight frown, this was not the way a guest should behave, even a massive bipedal beast that usually resides in China.  
  
"[Sorry, I'm just a bit...]" The panda's sign didn't finish past that, as it was instead used to quickly bash it's hostage back to unconsciousness, "[Look, everything will make sense once...]" ::flip:: "[...I explain things in the morning. Right now I just want...]" ::flip:: "[want to get some sleep, it's been a REALLY long day.]"  
  
"Uh, didn't that side of the sign read something different before?" Nabiki enquired.  
  
"A... trained panda?" Akane whispered curiously.  
  
"Um, sure, you can stay in the dojo for the time being," Soun offered, genuinely confused at the intelligent though slightly irritated and rather rude panda.  
  
"[And what's wrong with the guest room?]" ::flip:: "[Soun old *BUDDY*?]"  
  
"Well, it's just that we were expecting other guests, and you see..."  
  
"[GUEST ROOM, NOW!!!]" the panda's patience was already at an end, and bared its teeth to help get the point across; he really wasn't in the mood to have to sleep out in the cold.  
  
Kasumi, being the perfect hostess who happened to be scared shitless, rose and started to lead the weary panda to the extra room. As it started towards the stairs, it turned around.  
  
'[Sorry for being so short with you, it's just been a bad day]" ::flip:: "[By the way, you have any extra tent spikes laying around?]"  
  
Synchronized blinking.  
___________________________________________________  
  
"I sure hope your panda friend's gonna pay for the holes in the floor," Nabiki grumbled to her father, as the panda hammered the spikes into the wood floor, chains that were holding the unconscious redhead secured looped around them. After checking to make sure the tent spikes were secure, the panda slumped to the ground, extremely weary.  
  
"[Well, since you're all standing there, someone get me a glass of hot water?]" Kasumi complied, and in moments, came back with a glass of steaming water. The panda nodded in gratitude, then upended the glass over its head. Everyone's breath caught when the panda shrank, becoming a man wearing a gi and a bandanna over his bald head.  
  
"Sao... Saotome... is that you?" Soun ventured, managing to gain a hold of his equilibrium before everyone else.  
  
"Yeah, it's me Tendou, we have much to discuss."  
  
"Apparently so..."  
  
Genma looked towards the three shell-shocked girls, "Not to be rude, but may I have some privacy with your father?" The sisters mutely nodded, and left the room.  
  
"Saotome, were you really...."  
  
"Indeed Tendou," Genma interrupted, "It's the result of a Chinese curse that we picked up from the infamous Legendary Training Grounds of Jusenkyo."  
  
"Hmm, Jusenkyo, I have heard of those grounds. Truly is the life of a martial artist fraught with peril." Soun paused for a bit, "Saotome... 'we'?"  
  
"Yes, me and the boy here," Genma gestured to the redhead sleeping beauty behind him, who was contented and tucked in snuggly in her steel wrap blanket.  
  
"So, that is your son, why haven't you changed him back?"  
  
"And wake him?" Genma asked incredulously with wide-eyed fright.  
  
"Why not?" Soun asked, curious towards the reaction his old training partner exhibited.  
  
"Ranma... well..."  
  
"Saotome, is there something WRONG with your son?" Soun inquired, his ire raising in case Genma was about to baulk at his end of the promise to unite the schools.  
  
"I'm... rather tired, mind if we continue this tomorrow?" Genma said, his head drooping a bit.  
  
"Sure, but I expect answers in the morning, I already took the liberty of getting Ranma started with enrollment into school, so he may begin attending tomorrow.  
  
Genma went pale at the prospect of Ranma around other people; he was bad enough away from civilization as it was. The reaction went unnoticed by his host, as he left his old friend to retire for the night.  
  
Not even bothering to roll out any bedding, Genma collapsed onto the floor. The trek to bring Ranma to the Tendous was trying to say the least. Even his training with the master hadn't ever left him so drained. Genma quickly allowed slumber to claim him.  
________________________________________________________  
  
Even after a full night of sleep, Genma still felt very little energy to get up. Nonetheless, he had things to explain to his old friend and family, and hopefully the boy should be calm enough to not cause any problems. Genma rolled over so he could wake up his son turned daughter, and was greeted by a few tent spikes and chains.  
________________________________________________________  
  
"TENDOUUUUUUUU!!!!!"  
  
"Eh?" the man in question answered with his toothbrush still in his mouth, just before he was almost bowled over by his old training buddy.  
  
"Answer me this carefully, have you seen the boy?" Genma asked, panic stricken.  
  
"Well, now that you mention it.... no."  
  
"DON'T TOY WITH ME TENDOU!" Genma shook Soun by the collar, causing toothpaste foam to be flung from his mouth.  
  
"Get... a hold of yourself, Saotome, I haven't anyone other than you or my daughters all morning!"  
  
Genma let go of Soun, and looked around nervously, "We... have a BIG... problem..."  
  
"I assumed as much from last night," Soun replied casually, "Mind explaining what is going on now?"  
  
"Not now, we HAVE to find the boy!!!!"  
  
"I ask again, is there something WRONG with your son? Other than the curse I mean."  
  
"I'll tell you after we find him. If you see him or her, do not make any sudden moves, and if he's holding anything sharp, unsealed, combustible, plushy, or just plain unidentifiable, RUN!"  
  
Soun stared hard and long at his friend, as he bolted out the house in search of his missing child, "Um, what about the sudden moves part..."  
____________________________________________  
  
The redhead girl that the panda had carried into the Tendou household sat upon the wall surrounding the yard. In the distance came a long raven-haired girl jogging home.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Oh..." Akane stopped at the entrance, and looked up at the girl, "You're that girl from last night."  
  
"Yup, name's Ranma Saotome," the redhead introduced herself with a smile.  
  
"I'm Akane Tendou," Akane returned with a friendly smile, "I thought you were supposed to be a... boy."  
  
"What makes you think I ain't?" Ranma asked curiously.  
  
"Well, there are two rather blaring reasons right in front of you," Akane answered with a half lidded stare.  
  
Ranma blinked, and then looked down at her chest, "Oh, so there is, good for you to notice!"  
  
Akane chuckled, "Come on, I have to bathe before breakfast, we can get to know each other in the bath."  
  
"How forward of you," the pigtailed girl replied with a smirk.  
  
"Wha? Oh, OH! Not like that! I mean, well... haven't you bathed with other girls before?"  
  
"Well, Pop's careful about keeping me away from others." Ranma replied casually.  
  
"I don't understand.... About your dad, how did he change from a panda?" Akane asked, walking through the gates and up the path to the front door.  
  
"Magic," Ranma replied cheerfully, earning another smile from Akane.  
  
"You sure are cheerful."  
  
"There's a lot to laugh at."  
  
"Optimistic, too, I see."  
  
"Always."  
  
They both removed their shoes and walked by the kitchen on there as Akane walked up the stairs to get her clothes for school before she bathed.  
  
"Oh, hello again, Ranma, breakfast will be ready in a half hour."  
  
"I see you met Kasumi already," Akane stated, continuing up the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, us early risers gotta stick together."  
  
"Oh, Ranma, I assume," Soun looked up from reading his paper, "Your father went looking for you. He seemed rather agitated that you were gone."  
  
Ranma shrugged, "He probably forgot to take his medication."  
  
"Hmm? Medication, you say?"  
  
"Yup, Pop is just a bundle of nerves, he has medicine to help him calm down."  
  
"I... see."  
  
Akane came back down stairs and headed for the bathroom, "Well, you coming or not?"  
  
"Er, that's okay, I'll just wait till you're done," Ranma replied a bit nervously.  
  
"Oh, your father already told us about your curse, why are you still a girl?" Soun asked, a bit puzzled.  
  
"I just haven't taken the time to change. Besides I stay dryer as a girl than a guy, so I'll just change later."  
  
"Huh? Change?" Akane asked curiously.  
  
"Don't worry your cute little head," Ranma told Akane, "It'll all be explained later."  
  
"If you say so..." Akane went into the bathroom.  
  
"So... how was your training trip?" the Tendou Patriarch enquired, not looking up from his paper.  
  
"Eventful, got to meet a lot of interesting people too," Ranma chirped cheerfully.  
  
"That's good, I hope you had progressed substantially in the art because of it."  
  
"Don't like to brag, but I think I'm pretty good," the girl stated casually.  
  
"Really now, I'll be interested in seeing your skill later on, then."  
  
"I hope I don't disappoint you then." Ranma replied. The pigtailed girl found herself something to occupy herself with for the remainder of the time until Akane got out of the bathroom and breakfast was ready.  
  
"Now, about you changing," Akane asked, sitting down to the dining table. Before she got a response, the front door slammed open.  
  
"Has... Ranma returned... yet?" Genma asked between gulping breaths.  
  
"Don't think I went anywhere, old man,"  
  
"Ranma...."  
  
Ranma walked up to her dad, and patted him on the back. Genma quickly flinched away from his son's touch. Everyone present noticed the reaction.  
  
"Saotome, are you okay?"  
  
"He's fine, not enough zinc in his diet," Ranma replied, sitting herself next to Akane at the breakfast table. Genma took a seat across from his son, and proceeded to watch him like a hawk.  
  
"Hmm, Pop? You seem more nervous than usual."  
  
"Yes, perhaps you should take whatever medication was prescribed to you, old friend?"  
  
"Medication?" Genma asked, puzzled.  
  
Nabiki walked downstairs in her school uniform, still looking weary, and sat down for breakfast as Kasumi walked in and set the prepared plates out.  
  
Genma held back, waiting for Ranma to take a bite, ignoring everyone else starting.  
  
Soun nearly bit through his chopsticks, Nabiki woke RIGHT up, Kasumi paused with her usual smile on her face, but with a suddenly newly developed twitch of her left eyebrow, Akane started to tear up. In unison, every Tendou's eyes turned to the youngest, Akane slowly shook her head in the negative; she had nothing to do with this.  
  
"Um, well, I guess I put in a little too much... of..." Kasumi couldn't even identify what it was that there was an excess of.  
  
"What did you do... boy?" Genma growled; Ranma looked back with a puzzled expression.  
  
"Well, I guess the rice and miso soup will be fine," Soun managed to say with a straight face. Again, Genma kept his eyes on his son, and only started eating when Ranma did, and ate what Ranma did while taking careful bites.  
  
"I worry about you, Pop, you don't seem to have an appetite anymore."  
  
"I'm fine, boy."  
  
"Well, I need to get going if I want to be early for school, ciao!" Nabiki stated, ignoring her miso soup and heading for the front door.  
  
"Hmm, I guess I'll be following Akane to school then," Ranma stated casually, finishing his rice.  
  
Genma jerked up at Ranma's announcement, "How'd you...?" The eldest Saotome realized that the boy was playing possum, meaning he had knowledge, which meant he was even more dangerous than the norm.  
  
"Yes indeed, you have a pack by the door, don't forget it on your way out."  
  
"Kay," Ranma replied with gratitude in her voice. The pigtailed girl got up when Akane did, and picked up her bag as she walked out the door.  
  
"Hmm, seems like a pleasant young man, er, young lady, er, something," Soun commented about Ranma.  
  
Genma didn't pay much attention to what Soun was saying, but to his friend's mouth. Genma turned to Ranma's left overs, and noted that his son never touched his soup, "Um, Tendou, your mouth is..." 


	3. Chapter 2; 'Hold on a sec, Hell will blo...

Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
Ranma stared at Akane, a smirk plastered all over her face. Akane thought it was exceptionally similar to the one Nabiki always wore when she was up to something. But even with her sister, it wasn't as perpetual as it was on the pigtailed girl. Also, Ranma hadn't taken her eyes off of Akane's face. The raven-haired girl tried to be inconspicuous about glancing sideways towards her companion at school, and every time she looked, Ranma was still staring at her.  
  
Finally getting unnerved by the way the other girl was staring at her, Akane decided to once again inquire about a previous subject, "Are you going to tell me what you meant by 'change' now?"  
  
Ranma snapped up, like her mind was off somewhere else, Akane felt a bit more trepidation, considering that the girl may have been imagining indecent things with her, "Oh, sure, I change from a guy to a girl with cold water."  
  
"So... you're really a boy?" Akane recalled seeing a panda change into a middle-aged man last night, but it still didn't sound plausible.  
  
"Yup, got a Chinese curse, pretty cool, huh?"  
  
Akane's face darkened, so the redhead was undressing her with her eyes, "Then you're just another perverted boy?"  
  
If Ranma noticed the menace in her voice, she seemed to ignore it, "Not really, spend more time practicing the art to worry about ogling girls. The straight mind always finds its target, you know?"  
  
Akane was slightly taken back by Ranma's counter, and her cavalier attitude, "Oh, um, so I guess you're pretty good then?"  
  
"I've been told," Ranma replied with a cocky tone.  
  
Akane rolled her eyes, not only was the girl probably a guy, but she was an egotistical guy at that, "Maybe we'll spar sometime then."  
  
"Sounds good to me," the pigtailed girl said, once again seeming to focus back at Akane. Akane now realized that his glance seemed a bit... off.  
  
"Okay, we can later on tonight then," Akane grinned to herself at the thought of putting Ranma, boy or girl, in her proper place.  
  
"Promise you'll go easy on me, okay?" Ranma replied, with a wink and a grin, Akane had to smile at that, maybe she wasn't as egotistical as she letting on.  
  
"Anyway, if you're really a guy, why haven't you changed back?" Akane became a bit more serious as she asked, it was still thesable that the girl was saying she was actually a guy out of some misplaced humor.  
  
"Curse is water based, so any time I'm a guy, cold water seems to always find me." Ranma patted her dry clothes, "I just stay much more dry this way. Besides, I would rather go around as a girl than let anyone know about my curse. What if some freaky scientist guy decides that I'm some weird guinea pig?"  
  
"I see your point," Akane replied, still not convinced. Before she realized it, they were not too far from the gates, "Oh great, stay back, Ranma, or you may get hurt!"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma asked, slightly confused. Without giving a reply, Akane turned around and charged high speed through the gates. Ranma's mouth went slack in surprise, as an army of boys in sports gear.  
_________________________________________  
  
"So..." Soun replied, after removing his toothbrush and rinsing his mouth out, "Ranma is a bit of a handful? Ah, I remember when Akane was like that, I definably had my work cut out for me, but I managed."  
  
"I don't think you really comprehend the full situation," Genma stated with a sigh.  
  
"Maybe, but he's a boy in his teens. I'm pretty sure it's perfectly normal."  
  
"No, the boy does it to spite me! Ungrateful brat! I give my heart to teach him the art, and how does he treat me?"  
  
"Saotome, when did you get so paranoid?" Soun said, checking his teeth, and grimaced.  
  
"A week after I took Ranma on that training trip," the balding martial artist replied casually.  
  
"He'll eventually grow out of it, take heart, my friend," Soun consoled, believing his old training partner just eradiating.  
  
'Not after ten years, Tendou, not after ten.... long... years."  
  
"Well, if you're so concerned over your son, why aren't you out watching him?"  
  
"Let him be someone else's problem for a few hours," Genma replied in a weary voice.  
_________________________________________  
  
"Hmm, she ain't half bad!" Ranma commented, viewing the battle from the gates. Akane was impressively mowing her attackers down like a sickle through ripe wheat. He noted that many of the fighters seemed to pause, slightly startled, before getting knocked out.  
  
"Ranma, what are you doing? Get inside the school!" Nabiki called out from the third floor. Ranma looked up towards the other girl, and dashed forward. She crouched down, and leapt onto the roof over the school entrance, and then with an even stronger bound, leapt onto the balcony that Nabiki was standing at, startling the middle Tendou sister and the three other girls.  
  
"Ranma, how...?"  
  
Ranma turned back and looked down at the fight still going on, though only a few sparse stragglers remained other than Akane, "Hmm, I guess I'm not supposed to be able to do that..." The pigtailed girl smirked a bit larger, as she brought up her finger, "Don't worry, it'll be our little secret!" Ranma paused, looking closely at the pole axed Nabiki, "Don't like miso soup?"  
  
Nabiki shook herself out of bewilderment of Ranma's feat, and exchanged it for bewilderment for Ranma's question, "What?"  
  
Ranma waved the question off, "Never mind, looks like your sister's finished her morning exercises. Later, babe." With that, Ranma leaned back, and fell headfirst from the balcony.  
  
"RANMA!!!!!!!!!" Nabiki screamed, as she and her associates reached out to try to catch the girl before she fell.  
  
Akane turned to the sound of her sister's screaming after taking out the last guy, "Huh? RANMA!!!! NO!!!!" Several other screams in fear accompanied Akane's at the sight.  
  
Ranma had her arms crossed, as she plunged inverted towards the ground. With a light chuckle, she somersaulted, and braced her feet against the wall about ten feet from the ground. Pushing off, Ranma righted herself and landed on her heels, sliding backwards with her torso leaning out while her back pointed out to maintain her balance. The pigtailed girl came to a stop right in front of a completely shocked Akane, her hands in her pockets, "Pretty nice of them to help you work off your baby fat."  
  
"Did... did you see that?" One student asked incredulously.  
  
"Man, that was amazing!" Another one added.  
  
"Girl's got a death wish, that's for sure."  
  
"Man, shame for something so pretty to want to take a chance like that."  
  
"Huh? How, I mean, what?" Akane had trouble getting her thoughts back together. One moment she had been watching the redhead tumble head first to her doom, and then the next moment, striking up a casual conversation as if she wasn't going to have her head split open like melon pitched directly into the front of a speeding Mack truck.  
  
"Yes, Flame haired one that dares tempt death, how was it you committed such a defying display?"  
  
"Easy, I just tried to keep myself from going 'splat'."  
  
The handsome young man holding a bokken and a rose nodded in understanding, "It would be a tragedy if a daring angel such as yourself were to go... splat." The boy turned towards the other girl and paused for a second after getting a good look at her, "Um, Tendou Akane, though it does not besmirch your fierce beauty, may haps you should-OWWWW!!!!!"  
  
"Oops! Did I interrupt your boyfriend's speech?" Ranma asked, guilelessly, as she removed her foot from on top of Kuno's toes.  
  
That snapped Akane out of her stupor, "He's NOT my BOYFRIEND!!!!"  
  
"Surely, my fiery haired daredevil, your jealously of my affections towards Akane should not dishearten you. I announce this..." Kuno stopped hopping on one foot and went into basic kendo stance, "If you may defeat me, I will date with you."  
  
Ranma blinked, and then turned to look at Akane, "Who's this idiot?"  
  
Before Akane could give her rather colorful introduction towards the kendoist, he cut her off.  
  
"Hold, is it not first that I must give mine own introduction. Very well, my name is Upperclassman Kuno, junior..."  
  
"Yeah yeah, you got long winded at the first three syllables," Ranma cut off the upperclassman, her demeanor suddenly switched to one of excitement, "But golly? You really mean I can date a cute guy like you if I beat you up really badly?"  
  
Kuno was a bit taken back, "Er, that... sounds accurate enough."  
  
"LUUUUUCKY!!!!!" Ranma exclaimed, and then giggly bounced up and down for every male present's viewing pleasure.  
  
"Ranma, I thought you said you were a..." Ranma turned towards Akane and put her finger to her lips to signal Akane to keep quiet.  
  
"Okay, I'm ready!" Ranma said cheerfully, taking a cat stance with her lead foot on her heal and toe pointing up.  
  
"Very well, I strike!" Kuno darted at the redhead for an opening vertical slash.  
  
Ranma stood still, and Akane saw the girl close her eyes in fright.  
  
Ranma blinked, and then looked back behind her, to Kuno lying sprawled out behind her.  
  
"Uh... what just happened?" One of Nabiki's associates enquired from the balcony.  
  
"I dunno, Kuno... tripped?" Nabiki replied, just as puzzled.  
  
Akane's eyes were wide in bewilderment, "I... barely saw her move..." 


	4. Chapter 3; 'Hell's REALLY banging at tho...

Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
  
"*Ahem*, it seems your radiant beauty had caused my warrior's heart give pause, bringing me to stumble at your feet," Kuno stated factually, standing back up and going into stance again, "we continue."  
  
"But... HEY!!!" Ranma dodged wildly from the attack, eyes wide with fear. She shrieked as she barely avoided the next swing, and the following swing.  
  
Akane shook herself back to focus, "So, she's not as skilled as she says, I guess I better help her before she is obligated to put up with the idiot for a night," Akane stepped forward, readying for a good punt into the stratosphere, when she paused in surprise.  
  
"YEEEEEAAAAAAKKKKK!" Ranma screamed, her eyes closed and her arms covering her head. Once again, Kuno was sprawled out on the ground, sucking grass, "Whew, he was going to hurt me there!"  
  
"No way..." Akane whispered, she saw it this time; it was almost so insignificant to note. She saw the dust kick up at Kuno's feet as he tripped. She saw Ranma just ever so slightly move ever so little as if to attack, stomping the ground as she advanced. But then once Kuno started to stumble, she freaked out. Only a master of the art should be able to move as such for such devastating There was more to this than she could see.  
  
"Hmm, I'm afraid my warrior's heart brings me to fail in showing you my true prowess, for I have difficulty bringing myself to prove my superior skill so that you may be totally infatuated with my greatness. Though it pains me, I must refocus so that I may redeem myself for my foolish though unwitting misintentions."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma replied, a bit confused with the speech, her eyes widened significantly, as she was forced to quickly evade Kuno's sudden attack.  
  
Akane was caught off guard, Kuno had upped the level against someone who obviously wasn't as skilled as him, this was going too far, "Kuno, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE GONNA KILL HER!"  
  
"Fear not, my Tigress, no harm shall come to the pigtailed one, I vow to that," Kuno said calmly, as he cut through the wall the pigtailed girl was just a split second before braced against.  
  
Ranma blinked twice rapidly, before turning back to look at the Kendoist contemplatively. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Akane coming to assist. Ranma started to scream her head off, and run between Kuno and Akane.  
  
Akane readied for an attack, but Ranma had cut her off suddenly in her frantic flight. As soon as Ranma had barely moved out of the way, She readied to slam into Kuno, and tripped, "What the?"  
  
Kuno followed the redhead, swinging at her flank. Ranma ducked a swing that went wide and sliced through the trunk of a tree behind her, "Fear not, my fiery haired goddess, I mean you no harm, but only gentle spar!"  
  
Once again Ranma screamed in fright, and covered herself, and once again Kuno tripped. Before Kuno could get up, the tree he had sliced down fell on top of him.  
  
"Uh, Baka-sempai? Are you okay?" Ranma asked, squatting down and poking at Kuno's head.  
  
"Fear not... my beauteous one, I only pause for a brief respite so that you may gather yourself for us to continue later," with that, Kuno slipped into unconscious.  
_________________________________________  
  
"So, who is she? One of Nabiki's friends asked almost over casually.  
  
"Oh, she's Ranma. She just got back from a training trip in China," Nabiki smirked, "Apparently that trip did her some good, she looks like an excellent martial artist to be able to recover from that fall she did. She's also staying at our house with her father as our guests."  
  
"Oh," another girl replied, then glancing back nervously at the other two girls with them, "So you know her pretty well? She seemed a bit familiar with you."  
  
"Well, I just met her last night," Nabiki stated, then her face grew into a smirk, "Though I think I'll have to get to know her more." If the girl was as good as Nabiki assessed, keeping her close may prove to be quite profitable.  
  
"I see," the girl commented, then paused to gather herself before continuing, "Um, we kinda noticed that we've never seen you with a boyfriend..."  
  
Nabiki paused for a bit, "huh?"  
  
The three girls quickly waved it off, and then continued walking ahead, leaving Nabiki to puzzle over the peculiar observation, "What's with them?"  
_________________________________________  
"Well it seems to be true that you were in China until recently. And I thank you for showing up to class in time..." the teacher droned out, "But that doesn't change the fact that you caused a disturbance by tumbling head first from three stories." The Teacher then turned to Akane, "Um, Tendou, is this some sort of peculiar fashion statement? You know makeup that noticeable is against the school dress code."  
  
"Huh? I'm barely wearing any..." Akane was cut off by the snickers around her.  
  
"Please, go to the bathroom and wash it off, then you may join Ranma out in the hall."  
_________________________________________  
Nabiki continued to stare at Kuno's forehead as her schoolmate continued to preach upon the beauty of his pigtailed goddess. She should tell him, she really should.  
  
"How she danced like wick of flame, graceful as a gazelle in full stride, I shall DATE with her!"  
  
Nabiki managed to focus on what Kuno was saying at the end, "So, you're gonna two time my sister?" Nabiki enquired with a slight menacing growl.  
  
"Hmph, how vulgar. Akane, so pure and tidy, while the pigtailed girl shows such meekness yet such grace. Both are so dear chat I cannot choose, do you call it deceit that I would openly wish them both?"  
  
Nabiki rolled her eyes; thoughts about telling Kuno about an embarrassing blemish on his forehead that spelled out what many of the students had already concluded fell to the wayside.  
  
Another junior student happened to pass by and glance at Kuno's brow. He did a double take, and then spoke, "Um, Kuno, you have 'Buffoon' spelled incorrectly." Nabiki sighed; someone would just have to come ruin her fun.  
_________________________________________  
  
Ranma stood outside by her lonesome, cheerfully holding buckets of water as punishment. Her 'battle' with Kuno. That was almost as fun as when she first did that to her father.  
  
Akane came back from the girl's bathroom, flushed with embarrassment, her hand covering her mouth. She turned and glared at the redhead who was looking back at her curiously, "Why didn't you tell me?" The raven-haired girl demanded.  
  
"I thought it would be kinda rude," Ranma stated with a bit of apology in her voice.  
  
"I don't think I would fault you if you were to tell me that my whole mouth was blue!" Akane almost shouted, removing her hand that was covering her mouth, along with her now blue lips and the rim of blue that was over her top lip, "What's worse is it won't come off!"  
  
"I'm sorry," Ranma replied, then turning away to stare out the window so that Akane couldn't see her barely control her snicker.  
  
"How did you do it?"  
  
Ranma was startled by the question, how did she figure it out that she did it? "Do what?" the redhead replied nervously, trying to keep from fidgeting too much.  
  
"The way you were running away from Kuno scared, it was all an act, I know it was! How did you keep tripping him like that? I mean I barely saw you move!"  
  
Ranma blinked, and let out a small sigh, "Well, eh, heh, I guess I did okay, but don't let anyone know! Okay?"  
  
"Hmm, okay, if you want," Akane replied, "but I still want to know how you did it? What's the technique you used?"  
  
"Uh..." Ranma fought for an answer, she hadn't really expected anyone to notice her subtle gestures, she would have to keep an eye on the girl standing next to her, "Well, it's something I saw my Pop stumble upon while fishing..." Ranma replied while she shifted a bit, keeping the hooked fastener nails in her pants from scratching her leg. It was a good thing she removed that ball of fishing line from her pocket, it would have been pretty full and she wouldn't have gotten much relief.  
  
"If you say so," Akane didn't further question the redhead girl, though she really wanted to. She decided to try to get some answers to another set of questions, "After school, can I see you change into a guy?"  
  
Ranma turned towards the girl, once again fighting the snickers down from looking at the cute girl's face, spoiled with a blue mustache, "I don't see why not."  
  
Akane nodded, and then turned forward to stare at the window, missing Ranma begin to shake with silent laughter. She was going to like it in Nerima.  
_________________________________________  
  
"Her trail leads this way, it's only a couple of days old," The orange haired Chinese woman in a leather breastplate stated in Mandarin to her compatriots.  
  
"Yes, soon we'll have our revenge on the infernal outsider that would dare grievously cross the great Amazon nation," replied a lavender haired girl carrying two colorful maces in each hand.  
  
"Yes, Shampoo, you, as well as the rest of us, will teach this Ranma that to cross the Amazons means untold suffering," added a decrepit voice, "I'm sure you're great Grandmother would be proud of you leading a hunting party with such great efficiency."  
  
"Thank you, Elder," the girl named Shampoo replied with pride, "She had defeated me by my overconfidence, she shall now die because of her impudence."  
  
The Amazons continued on their way. A half an hour later, the trail parted once again. The weary traveler looked around, and then glared hatefully at the sky, "RANMA!!! WHEN I FIND YOU I SHALL MAKE YOU SUFFER AS I DID A HUNDRED FOLD!!!!!"  
_________________________________________  
  
"You hear that? A girl of Hindu decent asked her short partner. The old man with her glanced up after taking a puff from his pipe.  
  
"My ears aren't what they used to be, cutie, what did it sound like?  
  
"Well, I'm not sure..." the girl with the jewel in the middle of her head commented.  
  
"Well, don't worry your pretty little head. If our hunt for that impetuous redhead doesn't go well, we'll take a brief side trip to visit one of my old students, it's been over ten years since I saw him last, you know?"  
  
"Yes, and then I may destroy the insolent girl that dares to steal my items of power and replace them with suction cups lined with itching powder!"  
_________________________________________  
  
Several hundred feet in the air, a bellow from a giant flying beast was heard. If one understood Yeti-riding-ox-carrying-crane-and-eel's particular dialect, it would be noted to say, "ONCE I GET A HOLD OF YOU, FEMBOY....!"  
_______________________________________________  
  
A man in a trenchcoat looked up to the sky in puzzlement, but dismissed it since he didn't understand Yeti-riding-ox-carrying-crane-and-eel. He had other things to think about, such as...  
  
"Should I flashfry the pigtailed bastard, or slice him up and slowly lower him into a boiling cauldren of iodine, salt, lemon juice, and rubbing alcohol?  
_______________________________________________  
  
Another group in robes looked towards the sky, trying to identify the sound.  
  
"Arch-Bishop Joe? What was that?"  
  
The man in the lead, wearing radiant white, looking physically fit and athletic, turned to look back at his troupe, "That is the call of a guiding diety that shall lead us to our messiah who shall harold the birth of our glorious empire!" He struck a dramatic pose and continued boldly, "The Byzentine Empire shall be reborn, once we find our new savior, RANMA SAOTOME!!!!"  
  
"Is he gonna keep doing this every few miles?" One of the robed men asked worriedly. Grim nods were his reply. 


	5. Chapter 4; 'Bunny!'

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
"We're home!" Ranma called out cheerfully, as he and Akane removed their shoes.  
  
"Oh, hello Ranma, how was your first day?" Kasumi asked cheerfully, drinking a glass of milk.  
  
"It wasn't half bad. I don't think I wouldn't mind going tomorrow. Is Pop around?"  
  
"I haven't seen your father in a while, I think he went out with ours."  
  
"Ah, okay," Ranma replied with slight disappointment, "Hey, 'Kane, you wanted to spar?"  
  
"Sure, but first, you said you were gonna change into a guy?" Akane reminded, she didn't want the redhead girl getting out of this.  
  
"Fine, I did promise, didn't I? Kasumi, got any hot water around?" Kasumi went into the kitchen and came back with a kettle.  
  
"Your father told me that it would be best to keep one at ready."  
  
"Well, I guess he is good for something," Ranma commented, upending the kettle onto her head. Kasumi and Akane gasped at the sight of the handsome young man that now stood before them. As if just noticing the attention, he posed, "So, how do I look?"  
  
Akane managed to get her jaw realigned before the feeling of disappointment hit her; he really was a guy, "Hmph you said you wanted to spar?" Akane didn't even wait for an answer, as she started up the stairs.  
  
Ranma blinked at the sudden change in the girl's attitude, "Uh, sure."  
  
"Well, I think you look nice, Ranma-kun," Kasumi complimented towards the retreating boy.  
  
Ranma turned back, and blinked a couple of times, "Uh, thanks."  
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In the bushes within the Tendou yard, a pair of red eyes looked towards the house, its master was there, and so was the other one. It's nose twitched in irritation, the other one would pay for trying to abandon it, oh yes... the other one will.  
  
With a mighty bound, the creature leapt towards the porch; first it had to find its master.  
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"STAND STILL AND FIGHT ME!!!!" Akane was already angry, her new friend turned out indeed to be a perverted boy, and now the perverted boy was trying to make a fool of her, the greatest in Nerima. And that blue stuff on her lips STILL hasn't come off!  
  
"I am fighting you," Ranma stated calmly, giving minimal effort to evade Akane's attacks, "I'm seeing how you fight, and trying to find openings that I can take advantage of."  
  
Akane grinned to herself, that must have meant that he just couldn't find any flaw in her fighting style. If she kept it up, she would wear him down eventually. Her assessment was proven flawed, as Ranma suddenly shifted in stance and became the aggressor. Akane's eyes went wide as she was suddenly forced to backpedal and block the sudden rush of attacks. Ranma seemed to have a contemplative and concentrating expression, as he broke through the other girl's guard, delivering light but lightning fast taps to his opponent.  
  
Then, after a few moments, Ranma broke away, "You're not too bad, but you're a bit slow." He panted a bit, feigning slight exertion.  
  
Akane blinked once, and begrudgingly accepted the compliment, "Thanks... I guess."  
  
"Well, 'Kane, I don't suppose you wouldn't mind sparring with me often then? Pop's kinda predictable now and he's getting kinda dull."  
  
"Sure!" Akane chirped, next time she'll show this boy who was better, now that she had faced him once.  
  
"Okay then, why don't you go and get washed up, I'll follow after you're done."  
  
"You're not gonna peep on me, are you?" Akane asked warily.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma knew a loaded question when he saw one, "It wouldn't be right to invade on your privacy."  
  
Akane wasn't so sure, and pressed forward, "So, you don't think the fact that I may be your fiancée gives you any right?"  
  
"No it wouldn't give me any WHAT?!?" Ranma screeched the last part, "Whaddya mean by that?"  
  
Akane was taken aback by Ranma's shout, "What do you mean 'what do I mean by that'? I'm pretty sure a perverted boy like you is salivating over being engaged to either me or one of my sisters. Just to let you know, it isn't going to happen."   
  
"Please, can you tell me how we came to be engaged?" Ranma asked with a strained voice through gritted teeth.  
  
"Okay, if you want to play the moron, fine. Our fathers apparently engaged you to one of us for some stupid reason. I don't want to disappoint my Dad, but I'm afraid I won't let that happen, or let him decide who we're going to marry." Satisfied, Akane went to wash up and soak.  
  
Ranma stood in the dojo fuming several minutes after the raven haired girl left, breaking the marker he had in his hand in irritation, "Oh, Pop, just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and find a way of ticking me off again." Ranma started to consider his options, when the answer ran into his leg.  
________________________________________  
  
Akane let her guard down once she was in the furo. Ranma had definitely thrown her for a loop. He didn't SEEM like the perverted boys in school, but he definitely wasn't a Dr. Tofu. She sighed and dunked her head, dribbling a few bubbles to the surface, why was she even considering Ranma? It wasn't like he was going to marry anyone in her family, much less her. She did admit that he was okay, for a boy, but that didn't mean she trusted him as far as she could throw him. He did seem sincere when he acted like he didn't know anything about the engagement. She would have to check on this further.  
  
Akane got out of the tub and scrubbed herself dry. She looked in the mirror, and was slightly pleased that blue on and around her lips was starting to slightly fade. She got dressed and went down stairs.  
________________________________________  
  
"Oh, how cute!" Kasumi exclaimed while drinking from her glass of milk, looking at what Ranma was holding. Ranma smirked to himself, pretty sure that the eldest Tendou girl didn't usually drink this much milk.  
  
"Yeah, his name's Bunny," Ranma stated proudly, will cradling the white rabbit in one arm while petting it in the other, "I found him when I was in China, thought I lost him there too," Ranma said the second part with no little bit of irritation.  
  
"May I hold him?" Kasumi asked, reaching out her hands, just then the front door opened.  
  
"We're back, what has the boy done while we were gone?" Genma called out, already braced for whatever headaches would be thrown his way.  
  
"Hey Pop! Guess what?" Genma knew now to tread cautiously.  
  
"What... boy?" Genma looked around, scanning for any traps.  
  
"You remember that tragic accident when we were training on that snow covered peak?"  
  
"Yeah, what about it?" the boy was beating around the bush; this was definitely a five alarmer.  
  
"Well, I guess it wasn't so tragic after all!" Ranma called out happily, cradling his pet as he met with his father.  
  
Genma went absolutely pale.  
  
"Oh, so this is what Ranma looks like in his guy form?" Soun enquired, assessing the young man visually, his daughters shouldn't have any qualms about marrying the young man.  
  
"Bunny apparently managed to survive the fall! Isn't that great? I guess that gust of 'wind' didn't throw him that far off the side," Ranma narrowed his eyes at his father, "Your pitching arm ain't what it used to be, Pop."  
  
Genma turned to stone.  
  
"Um, a rabbit?" Mr. Tendou enquired, "That doesn't seem like a pet a young man would have."  
  
"Well, Bunny's different from other rabbits," Ranma stated, stroking the fur of the white rabbit that sat docile in the nook of his arm.  
  
Only noticed by Genma, the rabbit glared at him sideways, in a way that stated untold agony and torment. He should have thrown the damn fur ball farther.  
  
"Oh? A bunny?" Akane enquired as she came out of the bathroom, "How cute!" Akane went to pet it before Genma could snap out of his trance he went into from staring at the thing eye to eye and warn the girl.  
  
The bunny suddenly turned on the approaching girl, and *roared*. Akane let out a blood-curdling scream as she jerked her hand back in time from being bitten off. Soun seemed calm, though his hair was sticking straight out, while Kasumi let out a surprised 'oh my'.  
  
"That's an awfully... big... sound that rabbit makes," Soun stated calmly, before falling backwards.   
  
"Gu-gu-gu-gu...." Akane babbled, holding her hand as far away from the again seemingly docile bunny as she could.  
  
"Slow...poke," Akane blinked from her gut wrenching terror and turned towards her sister.  
  
"What did you say, Kasumi?"  
  
"Too... slow," Kasumi said slowly, as if she was reading something, while facing Akane. Akane started to grow red in the face, she wasn't sure if she could take being insulted by her eldest sister.  
  
Ranma tried to control his snicker; it was about time someone noticed.  
  
"Um, maybe we should put him out back, we still have the pet carrier until we can get him a cage," Kasumi stated as she approached Ranma and his pet. Bunny turned towards Kasumi and let out a deep growl, which caused the girl to jump back.  
  
"Or maybe not. I think it's best that it stays with Ranma."  
  
What stays with Ranma?" Nabiki asked, as she approached everyone. She caught a good look at Ranma, "Who's the hunk?"  
  
"Oh, you haven't seen Ranma's guy form yet," Kasumi stated sweetly, gesturing to the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Yo," Ranma greeted, waving his free hand.  
  
"You... have a bunny?" Nabiki asked, staring at the fur ball, which stared back with undisguised malice.  
  
"It's as good as any pet!" Ranma exclaimed indignantly.  
  
"Uh, Nabiki, how come your lips aren't...?" Kasumi asked, still shielding her mouth with a glass of milk.  
  
"You've been nursing that glass for a long time," Ranma commented casually, "pretty sure that milk's pretty warm by now."  
  
"Oh, I like it warm," Kasumi stated serenely.  
  
"What? Something wrong with my lips?" Nabiki started to lick them in concern.  
  
"Kasumi, what about her lips?" Akane asked, staring intently at her older sister. Kasumi seemed to hold the glass much more firm against her mouth.  
  
"Well, I've never known Kasumi to act so..." Nabiki stopped once she got a good look at her sister; it took all her will to keep her face emotionless.  
  
Akane 'eeped', and covered her lips with her hand. Nabiki's eyes went wide as she stared at what was on Akane's hands, and she couldn't hold it in any longer. Genma became curious, and then looked at Akane. His martial arts discipline was taken to great lengths to keep from joining the middle Tendou daughter.  
  
"You guys are just *so* rude!" Akane growled menacingly, which was undermined by the muffled sound of her voice under her hands.  
  
"Um, Ranma, could I speak to you in the kitchen?" Kasumi asked over Nabiki's gut roaring laughter.  
  
"Sure," Ranma commented, "Take him for me, will ya?" Ranma passed off the rabbit to Akane. The girl 'eeped', as she held the growling bunny at arms length.  
  
"Ranma," Kasumi started, "I recall you were the only one in the kitchen this morning other than me."  
  
"Um, yeah," Ranma replied a bit nervously.  
  
"I don't mind assistance with cooking, but next time, I ask that you tell me first, so that there won't be any more problems," Kasumi leaned up against the counter, staring hard at Ranma.  
  
Ranma's eyebrows rose as he took a step back, "Um, s-sure."  
  
"I'm glad that we agree," Kasumi stated, with a stern tone, "You can go now." Ranma quickly scurried out of the kitchen.  
  
Kasumi sighed, she had thought the boy was pretty mature, but...  
  
The eldest Tendou Daughter was brought out of her musing by a knock at the door, "I'll get it!"  
  
A smiling Kasumi opened to door, to greet a small army of Chinese women in leather breastplates, brandishing weapons.  
  
"Where Ranma?" The lavender haired girl who was carrying two colorful and heavy looking maces enquired.  
  
"Ranma, it's for you," Kasumi stated a bit nervously. 


	6. Chapter 5; 'Ladies and Gentlemen, Hell h...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
Ranma, still a bit shaken from his subtle beratement by Kasumi, perked up at Kasumi's call, "For me? That's weird..." Ranma started choking on air when he got to the door.  
  
"Ran...ma?" The lavender haired Chinese girl leaned forward with narrow eyes.  
  
"Uh, he-hello... Shampoo," Ranma stuttered, glancing past the girl to the almost two-dozen angry Chinese women behind her.  
  
Shampoo readied her two bonbori, "How you know Shampoo?" At the action and question, the rest of the Amazon Hunting party followed by brandishing their own weaponry.  
  
"Ranma, are these friends of yours?" Kasumi asked, "It's not polite to keep them waiting at the door, would you all like some tea?" Several of the Amazons stared at Kasumi's smile, and glanced back at a nervously smiling Ranma.  
  
"Want Ranma, is girl," Shampoo repeated, looking back from Ranma to Kasumi. The Pigtailed boy blinked, and then smiled in realization.  
  
"This is Ranma right..." Kasumi started to say, before she was cut off.  
  
"I'll go get *HER* for you," Ranma stated, loud enough to interrupt the eldest Tendou daughter. Many of the Amazons in the tribe began to whisper amongst themselves, earning a stern glance from Shampoo who was leading the squad.  
  
Inside, Ranma chuckled to himself, things were gonna get interesting definitely. He walked by a frantically running Akane, who was waving her arms with a rabbit attached to one of them while screaming desperate pleas. Nabiki looked on in disgust at her younger sister.  
  
Ranma stopped by the kitchen and grabbed himself a glass of water, and then went upstairs.  
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"So, how is your visit here to Japan?" Kasumi asked, trying to entertain the women at her door.  
  
"Japan smell, and rude," Shampoo answered back.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry you're not enjoying your trip," Kasumi apologized.  
  
One of the girls yelled in Mandarin, drawing the attention of all the others. A redhead woman was leaping out of a window and onto the roof. Shampoo yelled something, inciting all the warriors with her to go in pursuit. Several branched off in different directions, while the main group trailed after their prey.  
  
"Oh dear," Kasumi exclaimed, watching the blood rioting women chase after Ranma with meaningful intent.  
  
"Uh, Mr. Saotome, don't you, you know, think you should go help your son from being eviscerated or something?" Nabiki asked, observing Bunny stalk a fearful Akane into a corner, baring his buckteeth in a menacing manner.  
  
Genma took a calm sip of his tea, "It's good training...." Everyone blinked in unison.  
  
"Oh well, as long as there's no concern." Kasumi looked back out towards the front door at the knock.  
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Ranma smiled at the women chasing him, it wasn't every day a young man could have a small army of dominating exotic foreign women after him, er, her. With a chuckle, Ranma lead the way from the Tendous.  
  
"Ranma is good at running away," Shampoo said darkly, her party still not managing to catch up with the pigtailed girl.  
  
"She's like a damned frightened little rabbit, but eventually they fall prey," Mao Lin growled, just barely on Shampoo's tail.  
  
"Chai Tzu, Wai Ming, cut her off with a barrage of arrows, heard her back to one of the other parties to intercept." The two girls followed Shampoo's orders, setting a steady stream of arrows behind their target.  
  
Alerted to the whistling sounds of projectiles behind her, Ranma-chan veered off, while still the barrage dogged her until she was heading 90 degrees from the direction she originally was going. Ranma knew what they were attempting to do, not a bad plan actually. It almost made him feel pity for having to disappoint them.  
  
Ranma-chan jumped from a roof; the Amazons followed and landed on the street in time to see Ranma head into one of the buildings. Without hesitation, they all followed her in.  
  
Ranma passed by one couple at a table, and grabbed their kettle of tea, and apologized as she poured it over her head, and then sat down at the table with them.  
  
"So, I hope I'm not intruding,"  
  
The man was the first to regain his composure at seeing a petite and beautiful redhead become a strapping young man, "Quite so, young man," the middle aged-gentleman retorted gruffly, ignoring the dozen girls that ran by them, screaming in war cry, "It's not very polite to just seat yourself at someone's table like this."  
  
"Sorry," Ranma apologized, and then turned to look at the flustered woman, "That's funny, you're wearing red lip stick..."  
  
"Wha? What are you talking about, young man?" the woman enquired with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Well, it's just the brown lipstick under his collar..." Ranma started, jerking his thumb back to the other guy at the table  
  
"WHAT?!?" Both of the couple exclaimed in unison.  
  
"Um, I'll leave it to you guys to work it out..." Ranma stated with a concerned expression, and got up from the table and left the restaurant.  
________________________________________  
  
"Well, I'm glad to know my former students are doing okay," commented the old man as he took a puff from his pipe.  
  
"Oh YES, Master! We are doing quite well!!!!" A battered and bruised Soun Tendou prostrated himself before the ancient martial arts master.  
  
"More tea, please," Genma asked, handing his empty cup to Kasumi for refill, "So, master, have you found that redhead yet?"  
  
Happosai's face darkened dramatically, "She won't escape me for long, this I SWEAR!"  
  
"Red...head...?" Soun mumbled in question, then turned an enquiring eye towards his old training partner, Genma just silently sipped his tea.  
  
"Yes, as soon as we see her, her life is FORFEIT!!" Rouge growled, crushing the teacup in her hand as her aura flared around her.  
  
"Let me get you another cup," Kasumi asked the enraged woman. Kasumi walked over to the cupboard, "Akane, can you get me a cup?"  
  
Akane opened the cupboard from the inside, and handed Kasumi a ceramic cup.  
  
"Thank you," Kasumi replied gratefully, and turned around, ignoring the rabbit that was on the ground growling like a rapid Chihuahua.  
________________________________________  
  
Ranma walked out the restaurant, just in time to dodge the business end of an umbrella.  
  
"At last I found you... Ranma..." the fanged boy said in a low, menacing voice, as he stood up from kneeling in the new crater in the sidewalk.  
  
"Ryoga? Ryoga Hibiki? HEY MAN! HOW YA DOING?" Ranma shouted, glad to see one of is favorite vict... er... friends after so long, "Hey? Why don't get go inside and get a bite to eat while we talk about old times?"  
  
Ryoga's battle aura flared dramatically, "YOU....... BASTARD!!!!!!"  
  
"Huh? Was it something I said?" Ranma replied honestly, he wasn't sure what he did to set the lost boy off.  
  
Ryoga barked something intelligent, which was probably something indecent, towards Ranma, as he attempted to assault the other boy with a barrage of umbrella jabs.  
  
"Hey man, it would really help if I knew what you were upset about," Ranma commented, swaying between all the relentless attacks.  
  
"BECAUSE OF YOU, MY LIFE IS HELL!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, can't be any worse than my Pop's," Ranma replied easily, "But how did I manage that?"  
________________________________________  
  
From the rooftops, a couple of Chinese women stopped their search to see two cute guys battling between each other.  
  
"Come on!" growled a third, "We must find the infidel that dare challenge the Amazon nation!"  
  
"But they're soooooo cute!" The sea green haired and hot pink haired twins cooed in unison, crossing their trident and staff together in their swooning. The third girl rolled her eyes, and grabbed the two girls by an arm and pulled them with her.  
  
"Challenge them later, we must go!"  
________________________________________  
  
"I DO NOT HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!"  
  
"Geez, you're stubborn," Ranma snapped, and then blurred from Ryoga's vision.  
  
"Huh?" Ryoga blinked, and found himself dangling upside down from an overhanging sign by his ankles. Ranma was a thin rope wrapped around his hands that was looped around the store sign and tied to Ryoga's ankles, "CURSE YOU RANMA, LEMME DOWN SO I CAN KILL YOU!!!!!"  
  
"Nu-uh, not until you tell me why you're so mad at me," Ranma demanded, almost acting as if there weren't already hundreds of reasons, but he wanted specifics; he may want to try it on someone else.  
  
"You, because of your stupid prank during lunch time in junior high..."  
  
"Hmm? Which one?" Ranma asked, if it was the beef terriyaki thing, he was going to be too irritated to even bother letting Ryoga down.  
  
"I spent the whole day trying to find a water fountain, but by the time I got to one, the damage was already done," Ryoga growled.  
  
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Ranma was getting impatient now; it was rude for the lost boy to keep him hanging like this.  
  
"Do you know what it's like...." Ryoga was shivering in fury, "... to have everything taste like cardboard to you?"  
  
"Comon, we're killing daylight hours, and Kasumi's making Sukiyaki tonight." Ranma really was getting to the end of his line.  
  
"The wasabi, Ranma," Ryoga barked as if Ranma knew what he would be talking about now.  
  
Ranma looked blankly at the lost boy, and his expression then changed to incredulousness, "Wa.. wasabi...?" Ranma's mouth twitched into a jagged smirk, and he started to turn red, "Wasssa-bi?"  
  
"DAMMIT RANMA! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!"  
  
Ranma obviously thought it was, as he rolled on the ground in hysterics, "WASSSABI!!!! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
"MY TASTEBUDS NEVER RECOVERED SINCE THEN, AND FOR THAT, I'M SENDING YOU TO HELL!!!!!" Ryoga swung his umbrella in vain at the other boy rolling around on the ground in gut roaring laughter.  
  
Ranma suddenly stopped laughing, and jumped from where he was before a massive.. mass of horns, yeti, eel tail, and crane wings slammed into the pavement, making an even bigger crater than the one Ryoga created.  
  
The creature snorted, and then lifted one of its hooves off the ground, and bellowed in rage when it found nothing gooey under it.  
  
"Hey! Tarou! How's it goin'?" Ranma asked cheerfully, holding onto the rope above from where Ryoga was hanging. 


	7. Chapter 6; 'Hell's really Rock'n the joi...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
The giant beast bellowed, and waved its arms menacingly at Ranma.  
  
Ranma's face scrunched up in irritation, "Hey, ya Jerk! You should be grateful!" The monster apparently didn't think so, as it started to flail more violently while snorting steam.  
  
"You're such an ingrate! You got your name change! What more did you want?" It grew more agitated, stomping it's foot in emphasis.  
  
"Ranma, you understand what that thing's saying?" Ryoga asked incredulously.  
  
"Well, it *has* been a long while since you last saw me," Ranma drolled, "among some of the languages I learned was Yeti riding Ox while holding a crane and eel in each hand."  
  
"Oh, that makes perfect sense then." Ryoga replied. The beast let out a furious roar, and then squatted down in preparation for flight.  
  
"Uh oh," Ranma mumbled, "Ryoga, hold this for me, would ya? Looks like he wants to have a private discussion."  
  
"Oh, sure," Ryoga complied, taking the end of the rope that Ranma was holding. After it was handed over, Ranma bounded onto the top of the sign, and then onto a rooftop. Ryoga was rocked by the gale that the monster generated as it flew past. The lost boy almost pitied Ranma, and then looked at the object in his hand.  
  
"Wait a minute..."  
__________________________________________  
  
"Well, I guess you're really gonna show me who wears the pants in this family, huh?" Ranma chuckled, running along the rooftops as he was chased by the humongous demon type creature. The beast screeched, as it slammed its fists through obstacles in its path, slowly gaining on the pigtailed boy. Fortunately for Ranma, his zigzagging kept the flying creature from being able to catch up with him. Ranma laughed as he ran, he hadn't had this much fun in ages. Unfortunately, he was going to need to loose the flying monkey before he caught up with him.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma looked up in time to feel a drop of moisture touch his nose. Suddenly, 'she' was staring up into a rain shower, "Oh great, now I'm gonna be soaking wet!"  
  
The colorful mace slamming into the chimney by her face told her that was the least of her problems.  
  
"DIE!!!!!" Shampoo screamed, flailing her weapons at a furious pace, intent on crushing the redhead's skull. After loosing the redhead the first time in their chase, she had given the order to split up so that they may cover more ground. It looked like her idea paid off.  
  
"Uh... Oh..." Ranma voiced in concern, this was getting slightly serious, "Shampoo, can we continue this at a later time?"  
  
"YOU I KILL!"  
  
Ranma rolled her eyes, and replied calmly, "I'm afraid you don't have a choice." With that, Ranma bent over backwards, allowing a meaty apelike fist to pass just barely over her nose.  
  
Shampoo skidded along the wet rooftops, occasionally smashing into a chimney before falling to street level.  
  
The giant amalgamated creature bellowed once again in rage at missing it's target.  
  
"So you do care for me after all!" Ranma-chan exclaimed with glee. She leaped out of the way of the creature's 'reply'.  
  
"You're really being childish about this, you got the name change you wanted, can't you just be happy about it?" Ranma was forced to jump away from another fist, "Well if that's the way you feel about things, I want a separation!" Ranma barely controlled herself as the creature's eyes became severely bloodshot, and steam jetted from its ears.  
  
"I know, I know, it'll be hard on us both, honey, but we'll be all the stronger for it," Ranma cracked up laughing as she jumped off the roof, leaving the yeti-eel-ox-crane screaming it's loudest in rage.  
__________________________________________  
  
Everyone in the Tendou Household jerked at the inhuman scream.  
  
"That was..." Rouge started to say.  
  
"Only ONE person can get him that ticked off," Happosai stated grimly. Rouge dumped some cold tea onto her head, sprouting four more arms and beginning to radiate a golden light. Once she transformed, both the demon woman and the ancient martial artist dashed out of the house.  
  
"Have fun you two," Genma stated from his game of Shogi with Soun.  
__________________________________________  
  
Ranma dashed into a narrow alley, donning a blanket that someone had left out to dry, unaware of the rain that was to happen spontaneously that day, and came out on the other side, just in time for a the massive beast that was pursuing her to pass over. Ranma walked up to a payphone and dialed the emergency number.  
  
"Hello? Yes, I would like to report a large wild flying monkey, it seems pretty hostile. Huh? Yes, I'll hold.... Hello, Animal control? Yes there is a flying monkey in this area that's... Oh? You've already heard the reports? You'll be down here soon? Okay, you may want to hurry, it seems dangerous, and it's doing a lot of property damage, okay, b-" Ranma was cut off by a large great sword.  
  
"Ranma..." The stone gray haired Amazon slurred out as if it were a horrid taste on her tongue.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Xian Pu, Xian Pu, wake up!" Mao Lin lightly slapped her leader in the chin. Shampoo started to stir.  
  
"You're swinging the boulders a bit harder than normal for this training, don't you think Great Grandmother?" Shampoo slumped back to the ground, earning a sigh from her comrade.  
__________________________________________  
  
The rain had finally stopped, not that it mattered to Ranma too much at the time.  
  
Ranma was back to running, now from several Amazon girls that joined the chase. As fulfilling as this had been, the redhead was beginning to tire of it.  
  
::FWOOOOOSSSSHHHH!!!!!::  
  
Ranma blinked, and turned around to see a smoking pile of women, "Huh?" Her instincts kicked in, and she dodged a bolt of flame aimed for her, "HEY! You could hurt somebody with those!"  
  
"RANMA! YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE!!!!" the Goddess yelled down, readying a large fireball set to scorch a good twenty-meter radius.  
  
She was not given a chance, as a massive fist swatted the Hindu Goddess to the ground. In her place now hovered a raging flying creature, wearing a dogcatcher's net around it's head.  
  
"That's twice you saved me, dear!" Ranma replied sweetly, the creature gave no reply, instead reading it's fist to make some human jelly.  
  
"HAPPO FIRE BURST!!!!"  
  
The beast stood with it's fist ready, and puffed out a cloud of smoke before falling over.  
  
"Gramps!" Ranma called out, boy was he ever glad to see him!  
  
"Don't interfere, you little puke! Ranma's ours!" Happosai wound back, "HAPPO FIRE BARRAGE!!!!!"  
  
Ranma looked dumbly at the explosive heading towards him, when a gray haired blur appeared before him.  
  
"HAPPO FIRE BARRAGE RETURN!" Happosai started to back pedal away from the projectiles heading back towards him.  
  
"Now, young lady, it is time for you to answer for your crimes against the Amazon nation," growled the old woman, bringing her iron cane to ready.  
  
"Oh come on! It was just a harmless prank! Nobody lost an eye or nut'n!" Ranma replied indignantly, ignoring the massive cluster of explosions that sounded in the distance. The roof under them shattered, sending both Ranma and the old woman flying in opposite directions.  
  
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I... oh, excuse me, miss, can you tell me where I am?" Ryoga asked the rather cute redhead with a soaked shirt..."  
  
"Huh, Ryoga? You okay?" Ranma asked, a bit concerned for her friend.  
  
"RANMA! DIE!!!!" Several Amazons descended towards Ranma-chan in a circle. Ranma leapt straight up, just barely missing the circle of weapons striking him down. The redhead descended upon an Amazon's head lightly, then leapt away.  
  
"After her!" the elder shouted.  
  
Ranma ended up in a run down part of the city, and then dashed into an open window of an apartment building. Ranma was grateful to find a steaming kettle on the stove, and dumped it over her head. She ignored the stunned apartment owner, and walked back to the window to look out. The Amazons had gathered at street level, and looked surveyed the area.  
  
"She disappeared somewhere here!" Shampoo stated darkly in Mandarin.  
  
"Ooh, lookie what we have here, boys!" a gaudy looking punk stepped out from an alley, grinning.  
  
"We are none of your concern, boy, do not interfere with us," the Amazon matriarch replied coldly to the young man.  
  
"But you see, it is our concern, since you're on our territory, that makes it our concern," Several men of varying sizes stepped out into the open.  
  
"Are you attempting to intimidate us?" The old woman asked curiously, but not without a little bit of mirth.  
  
"Intimidate? Oh noooooo!" the leader of the gang replied sarcastically, "We're just sooooo happy that we got dates for tonight! Right boys?" The rest of the gang cheered.  
  
"We don't have time for this," the old woman turned away towards the leader of the hunting party, "Shampoo, gather everyone so that we may find an area to stay for the time being, we know the girl stays in this area of Japan, we'll set up a base of..."  
  
"Listen, you old bitch, you and your whores ain't goin' nowhere until..." The glare directed towards the punk showed him that he had just overstepped his limits.  
  
"Deal with them," The elderly woman replied in harsh Mandarin. The punks gulped as each woman pulled out weapons, and noticed that many more of them were standing on the roofs of surrounding buildings.  
  
Ranma cheerfully watched the carnage.  
__________________________________________  
  
"You... how DARE you interfere with us!" Ashura growled towards the beast. The creature poured warm water over its head, allowing it to change back into a young man. He then handed the gourd over to the Goddess, so that she may upend the rest over her head.  
  
"Give it a rest, Rouge, the right to pound femboy into the ground is MINE!"  
  
"Is that how you usually treat your 'wife', Pantyhose Saotome?" Rouge cooed with a smile. Tarou glared at the woman. 


	8. Chapter 7; 'Running around with Scissors...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
"You, you mean you'll really help me?" Tarou asked with tears of joy. Finally, after eighteen years of anguish, he'll finally be rid of this most awful curse! The cute redhead nodded demurely towards the young man. It had taken her a while to get the young man to open up to her, and got him to give her his absolute trust. The effort paid off though, and she would be happy to help him.  
  
"I don't think I could ever live, knowing that I let such a cute guy like you live in suffering," the pigtailed girl turned her head away shyly, and glanced up a bit at the young man, "In my country, you see, in marriage... oh! I'm so embarrassed!" The girl put her hands to her face and blushed.  
  
"Go on, go on," Tarou urged, she may be cute, but he was running out of patience.  
  
"Well, you can get your name changed... if you marry me! Oh! I said it!" In embarrassment, the girl head-butted the handsome young man, and took off skipping. After Tarou gathered his thoughts, he pulled himself off the ground and intercepted the girl.  
  
"Was.... was that a proposal?"  
  
The young girl batted her eyes prettily, "Mmmmaybe..."  
  
Tarou didn't have to think, this girl was giving him a way out of his situation, and she wasn't bad looking to boot. She had his interest in martial arts, that's how she happened upon him when he was practicing. Lastly, she was extremely startled about his curse, but seemed to take it in stride. True he didn't know the girl too well, only for a couple of days, but he could tell there was a certain... something between them. "Well then, I accept, Ranma."  
  
"Oh, I'M SO HAPPY!!!!" Ranma looked up at her fiancée with glistening eyes, and grabbed onto Tarou for a hug, making subtly sure that her lips were *not* positioned for a kiss.  
  
"Oh, Pop's gonna loooooooooooove this." The redhead thought with a sinister smirk.  
______________________________________  
  
Back at Tarou's home village, the ceremony took place.  
  
"By this I am granted the power, to bind this ribbon between these two, uniting their souls in eternal matrimony!" The priest pulled the ribbon into a loose knot around their wrists, "By our laws and customs, you two are forever mated."  
  
"I'm a blushing bride at sixteen!" Ranma-chan exclaimed demurely.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, now hurry up and gimme my new name!" Tarou snapped, handing his new 'wife' legal documents.  
  
Ranma eyed him with distain, "You didn't just marry me to get your new name... did you?"  
  
"No, of course not, now quit stalling!" He pushed the papers into Ranma's chest roughly.  
  
"Alright, okay already, hold on!" Ranma huffed, setting the papers on the alter, and taking a pen handed to her by one of the officials at the ceremony. They had agreed to honor her foreign custom for changing names, as it wasn't much different from theirs when it came to uniting spouses.  
  
"Handsome Tarou! No.. Incredible Tarou! No, MAGNIFICENT Tarou!" The young man was bursting with exuberation, all those long years of agony, soon to be over in just a few pen strokes.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you better be magnificent on our honeymoon," Ranma finished writing Tarou's new name on their marriage certificate, and handed them back to the official, "I hope you're happy, honey!" Tarou dove at the papers, pushing the official out of the way to look at his new name, he already felt like a new man!  
  
"Pan-ty Hose Sao-to-me..." Tarou's face cracked an irritated smile.  
  
"BOY!!!!!!" Yelled a gruff and thoroughly pissed voice, "RANMA!"  
  
Tarou turned to see a young man with a pigtail, holding an upended gourd over his head, a very familiar one. Tarou checked himself and noticed this gourd holding the hot water was missing.  
  
"Did... did that young lady turn into a... young man?" One official asked incredulously.  
  
"We have a LOT of ground to cover in order to get back to Japan, now let's go and quit wasting time!" The stalky man with a bandanna and glasses said from the building hall's doorway.  
  
"Hold your horses Pop, I'll be right out," Ranma turned back to his 'husband', "Well, I'll be seeing you, love. I'm sorry that we could not be together now, but my heart will always be with you." Ranma put his hands into his pockets, and walked out, whistling a merry tune. Genma looked at his son, puzzled.  
  
Tarou was paralyzed in disgust, as he watched his new 'spouse' walk out his life.  
  
"Did... does Pantyhose Tar... Saotome favored the more masculine sex?"  
  
"That would explain a few things, he always looked too much like a pretty boy to me..."  
  
"Yeah, way to effimate to be healthy."  
  
"No... this marriage is a sham, I can't be married to a..." Tarou doubled over in a dry heave.  
  
"Well... normally we don't unite two of the same sex... but it has already been put to holy document. I'm afraid we do not allow annulment unless both parties are in agreement."  
  
"NO! YOU WILL ANNUL THE MARRIAGE OR I'LL BEAT AN ANNULLMENT OUT OF YOU!!!" Tarou grabbed the lead official by the lapels of his robe.  
  
"Young man! You are now married, and I don't like you that way!" The official tried desperately to remove Tarou's hands from him. All the other officials started to subtly give Tarou room, while eyeing him wearily.  
  
"This... this cannot be happening, this..." Tarou's aura started burning brilliantly.  
____________________________________  
  
"You'll never guess what I did today, Pop!" Ranma said cheerfully in the tone he new would immediately make his father utterly terrorized.  
  
"Uh..." Genma took a dry gulp, "Wha-what di-did you d-do now, s-son?"  
  
"RANMA!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Genma and Ranma turned back to see the roof of the building they just left explode, a massive beast shooting from it, and then hovering while looking over the area for a certain pigtailed soon to be cold meat.  
  
"Uh, how 'bout I tell you later, Pop, you said we have a lot of ground to cover before we get back?" With that, Ranma broke out into a mad dash. Knowing his son, Genma wisely followed, lest he be caught in Ranma's mess.  
____________________________________  
  
Pantyhose Saotome stood upon a rooftop, wrapped in his cloak, as he recounted the past. Now, not only did he still live with a curse of a name, everyone now thought...  
  
The young man shuddered. Ranma was not long for this world, if he had anything to do with it, but first he will get the boy to sign the divorce papers.  
  
"Fem-boy, you will sign my freedom, and then I will put you to death."  
____________________________________  
  
"Hello!" Ranma chirped, walking into the Tendou household. Bunny's ears perked at the sound of his master, and turned away from terrorizing the cupboard to greet him.  
  
"Hey Bunny! Miss me?" Ranma gently pet the bunny in his hands, and walked to the main room.  
  
"I see you're still alive, boy," Genma commented from his position while watching TV.  
  
"Yup! Impressive, huh?"  
  
"Is... is it gone yet?" Akane squeaked from her hiding place.  
  
"Ranma, who were all those women?" Kasumi started to enquire.  
  
"What? Someone else is here?" came a withered male voice.  
  
"Is that gramps?" Ranma feigned a pleasantly surprised expression.  
  
"Ranma? Is that Ranma, my boy?" Happosai Bounded into the main room, followed by a beautiful woman of Hindu decent.  
  
"Hey! I thought you were in China looking for that redhead still?"  
  
"We've trailed her here," snarled Happosai's companion, "We almost had her, but there was... interference." Rouge replied, the tone of her voice dark.  
  
"Hmm, that's too bad. I hope you catch her, I can't have her ruining my name and all," Ranma replied sympathetically, "Oh, that reminds me, Pop, you'll never guess who I ran into!" Genma ignored his son, "Oh, comon, Pop, I know you're just *dying* to find out!"  
  
"I don't care," Genma replied calmly.  
  
"My dear spouse! Did you know he's in town?" Ranma smirked as he noticed his father go completely rigid.  
  
"WHAT'S THIS, SAOTOME?" Soun growled at his sparring partner. The Tendou Patriarch's fearsome expression didn't even manage to faze Genma; there was a MUCH bigger problem in town.  
  
"Oh? I thought Ranma was to marry a Tendou!" Happosai enquired conversationally.  
  
"It's just an inside joke," Ranma answered with a smile. Behind his cheerful facade, Ranma mentally wondered how Happosai knew about his engagement to one of the Tendou girls.  
  
"Oh, well then, I guess that's okay," Soun stated, as he ceased looming over Genma menacingly.  
  
"Nonsense, nonsense!" Happosai called out, "Tell me, Ranma, how was she in the sack?"  
  
"Oh, my spouse is a real Demon, I'll tell you that much." Ranma was careful not to use gender specifics for effect on his father.  
  
"Do you need a glass of water, Mr. Saotome?" Kasumi asked, concerned.  
  
"That's okay, just *kaff* air down the wrong pipe," the stalky man replied.  
  
"Well, I got a lot of studying to do, being out on the road and all didn't do much for my schooling, you know? Lemme know when dinner's ready." With that, Ranma carried Bunny upstairs and into the guest room.  
  
Rouge watched the boy walk upstairs. She had heard the story that was given to Happosai for why the pigtailed boy and the infernal redhead shared the same name, the problem was they seemed *too* similar to each other. The Hindu woman rationalized that it was just the psychotic idolizing mentality the redhead had for the pigtailed boy she was talking, but some things still remained suspicious.  
____________________________________  
  
"She's not around here," Yuan Chi, the Amazon tracker, reported to Shampoo.  
  
"Damn, that bitch evaded us again!" the lavender haired Amazon growled. She was getting increasingly irritated of their failure to kill the enemy of the Amazon nation.  
  
"We'll post a look out back at the home we discovered her at, Yuan Chi will continue to scout for the girl. In the meantime..." The elder Amazon, Haun Tao, turned to look at their surroundings; they had chased the punks to their mainstay, finding it a worthy base of operations, "the rest of us will work on making this area more suitable." Shampoo turned and bowed to her.  
  
"Your words of wisdom enlighten us. Everyone, do as she said, the sooner we are complete, the sooner we shall be victorious." Shampoo walked off to start directing her hunting party.  
  
"He-hello?" Haun Tao turned to the entryway with a curious expression. Her eyes found a middle-aged woman, holding a small pouch.  
  
"Can I help you, dear?" the Amazon elder replied in perfect Japanese. The other woman looked surprised to find an old woman and a bunch of girls inhabiting the place she has had to visit many times.  
  
"Um, I was here with the protection money, what happened to the Bleeding Axels?"  
  
"They've been disposed of. What is this about protection money?"  
  
"Well," the woman started, "my husband and I run a small store in this neighborhood, and..."  
_________________________  
_________________________  
_________________________  
  
Oh, and just for the record, actually 'Bunny' is based off my own pet rabbit 'Strife.' His original name was indeed 'Bunny' when I got him from a ladyfriend of mine. Originally Strife was meant to be python food, until it beat the shit out of the python (I am NOT kidding). They decided to keep the bunny after that ^_^ 


	9. Chapter 8; 'Running around with Scissors...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!" Screamed the pretzel shaped thug. The slate gray haired Amazon stood over her fallen opponent.  
  
"No want to see you here again, if do..." She idly swiped her broadsword at a light pole. Nothing seemed to happen, but the thug did note the razor-line cut that went all the way through it. Nodding his head the best he could, the frightened mugger scurried on his hands to wherever the rough Chinese chick was not.  
  
"Tha, thank you!" The woman carrying groceries breathed out in relief, Pai Hoon kneeled down and helped gather the spilled groceries back into the bag on the ground.  
  
"Is no problem, I glad to stop bad mens." The woman reached out with her free arm to accept the second bag, but the Amazon shook her head and gestured for the woman to lead the way to her home.  
__________________________________  
  
"So, you'll be staying for an indefinite amount of time, master" Soun asked, sweating bullets.  
  
"Quite so, that impudent Redhead is in the area, and I don't think she'll be going anywhere for now."  
  
"We'll go wherever she goes for our combined vengeance, and stay where ever she stays," Rouge added.  
  
"Of course," Happosai continued, "She seems pretty hot on Ranma though, maybe we'll leave in one piece so my heir can, heh, indulge himself.  
  
"Heir?" Soun gulped, and then turned a questioning glance towards the panda.  
  
"[Oh, didn't I tell you?]" Read the sign.  
  
"Why of course, Ranma impressed me far more than you two lazy bums ever did, at such a young age too!"  
  
Ranma listened to the conversation from his hiding place. Happosai and Rouge were going to be staying longer, that didn't bode too well. He was going to have to be on guard for those two. He didn't really take Tarou, Ryoga, and the Amazons into account; Tarou already knew about the curse and knew fairly well what his 'husband' wanted, and the Amazons only were concerned about his girl side, and he could deal with all of them fairly easily. The problem was, Rouge and Happosai both had brains and weren't that easily fooled (except for his quickly thought up excuse for the similarities between him and the female 'Ranma'). If they were to find out about his curse, he wouldn't get any rest. The pigtailed boy shrugged; there wasn't anything he could do about it now.  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma woke up the next morning, making sure to take any contingencies in case his father wanted to wake him up with a cold shower; too much could happen on the way between the kitchen or bathroom from his room. Gathering the thermos that he prepared before he went to bed, Ranma gathered his things, and went to the bathroom to take his bath.  
  
"Morning Ranma," Akane said in a tired voice, she hadn't gotten much sleep because she swore she saw shadows of a bunny every so often last night in her room. The aluminum baseball bat she had grasped in protection had finger indentions in the handle.  
  
"Hey, morning, 'Kane, you're not looking too good."  
  
"Oh, I'm fine, just *yawn* a little more tired than usual."  
  
"Well, I'll let you take some time to wake up, and then I'll let you have the bath, okay?"  
  
"Fine, thanks," Akane replied, sleep still dominating most of her senses. Ranma had already entered the bathroom before Akane's eyes lit up in realization, "HEY! IT'S MY TURN!!!"  
  
Ranma chuckled after he closed the door, and turned around, and screamed  
  
"Are you okay, Ranma?" Rouge asked, holding the bucket of water over her head, Ranma immediately redirected his eyes. At the splash of water, Ashura turned her attention back to the pigtailed boy, "Problem?"  
  
"Er, no, I mean, I'll... wait to take my bath," Ranma responded, blushing deeply.  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't want to interrupt your schedule, you have school, right?" The six-armed Goddess almost seemed to coo.  
  
"Icanwaitlater!" Ranma quickly turned around, but before he could get his hand on the knob, a fist sized fireball slammed into it, melting it to slag.  
  
"I insist..."  
  
Ranma gulped, stripped down, and walked to a stool and sat down, making sure to keep his eyes from the Hindu Goddess. Ashura managed to use her six arms effectively, scrubbing every inch of herself, and rather slowly, much to Ranma's nervous chagrin.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll get rid of that red headed pest, so that she will never be your bane again," the Golden deity growled, making Ranma gulp.  
  
"Tha-that's good to," the pigtailed boy gulped again, reaching over to make sure that he filled the pail with warm water, "to know."  
  
"Isn't is customary to use cold water to rinse down?" Rouge asked curiously.  
  
"Uh, I... filled it with warm water by accident," Ranma internally grimaced; he was rapidly falling into a worse position than he was in before.  
  
"We can share what's left in my pail," the goddess's innocent look threw Ranma off.  
  
"Heh, er, waste not, want not," Ranma quickly upended the pail onto his head, mentally sighing for not changing into a girl in this instance. Rouge pouted, and went back to scrubbing herself.  
  
Ranma quickly finished up, and rinsed off with warm water again, this time not earning a comment from Rouge, and started for his clothes.  
  
"Aren't you going to take a bath?" Ashura asked with a slight smile.  
  
"No, I'm fine!" Ranma replied with a crooked grin, and made the mistake of turning towards the room's other occupant.  
  
"Get in the bath," Rouge commanded. Ranma yipped, and knew that it wasn't a good idea to anger the Goddess.  
  
Hesitantly, he went and set himself in the bath. Too quickly for his liking, Ashura quickly rinsed off, and joined him.  
  
Rouge sighed as she gained her original form, "This feels wonderful!" Ranma's throat went dry, as the girl's sighs did interesting things with her chest, "Aren't you glad you decided to take a bath too?"  
  
Ranma could only nod. Summoning a major amount of will power, the pigtailed boy redirected his eyes again, "Uh, Rouge, aren't you, well, uncomfortable taking a bath with a guy?"  
  
Rouge looked at Ranma with a lighthearted smile, "Nonsense, I know you're a complete gentleman." The girl leaned back and closed her eyes. Ranma took advantage of her inattention to silently get out of the furo without making too much motion in the water, dried himself off, got dressed, and pried the door open to escape.  
  
Once Ranma left the room, Rouge opened one of her eyes, and then sulked.  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma walked alongside Nabiki since Akane had to wait a bit longer in order to take a bath. He was still thrown off kilter by Rouge's display earlier; he recalled the girl being extremely modest and bashful before...  
  
"Ranma, you're going to school as a guy?" Nabiki asked curiously.   
  
Ranma finished surveying the area, and grinned, "Not anymore." He walked directly into the path of an old woman soaking her walkway.  
  
"What was that all about?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow, awaiting an answer.  
  
"Didn't want to change until the coast was clear of Amazons."  
  
"And I presume our other houseguests have nothing to do with this?" Nabiki asked with a sardonic tone. Ranma narrowed her eyes; this girl was going to have to have her mind directed towards other matters.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki, don't be so silly!" Ranma-chan lightly punched Nabiki in the arm, and subtly moved closer to the older girl. Everyone standing out in the schoolyard noticed Nabiki walking rather intimately with the redhead girl. The whispers started instantly.  
  
Every so often, Ranma would look up towards Nabiki's face with a seemingly serene and happy expression, hopefully this would work out as planned.  
  
"HALT!" Kuno demanded, causing both Nabiki and Ranma to pause.  
  
"What is it you want, Kuno-baby?" Nabiki drolled, not really wanting to deal with the idiot at the moment.  
  
"I did not wish to solicit you, Nabiki, I had called for the fair pigtailed one."  
  
"That's really flattering and all, Baka-Sempai, but I'm busy," Ranma-chan replied, removing her foot from where the kendoist's face had been previously. Ranma hugged Nabiki's arm, before separating, "I'll see you after school!"  
  
Nabiki shrugged, and continued into the building, not paying attention to the incredulous looks from everyone present.  
__________________________________  
  
"Uh, Ranma, is it true?" The redhead blinked, and turned to look at her classmate.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Well, you and Nabiki... well..." He nervously put his index fingers together, he had seen her fight, and only his hormones were making him brave among his classmates to ask their cumulative question.  
  
"What about..." Ranma's eyes lit up in realization, "Well, one day, she *may* be my fiancée." Ranma kept her smirk from forming, wayyyyy too easy.  
  
"You... how..." the crushed young man stammered.  
  
"Oh, please don't tell her I told you! She gets so embarrassed about it and, it would just break my heart if she just refused me!" Ranma make with the crocodile tears.  
  
"Oh, don't you worry!" The boy exclaimed, patting the crying pigtailed girl on the shoulders, "Your relationship with Nabiki will be kept under wraps!"  
  
"Oh, thank you, I just don't know what I would do if I were to get her rejection," Nabiki should be busy with that, and out of her business for a while, at least.  
  
::FWOOSH!!!!!::  
  
Ranma turned quickly to the hole in the wall, seeing a flying ticked off Goddess floating on the outside of it, "AT LAST!!!! I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Ranma-chan gulped, and took off running to the classroom exit. 


	10. Chapter 9; 'Running around with Scissors...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
"You know? This is really interfering with my schooling," Ranma-chan called back in an irritated voice, while dodging a scorching fireball. The six-armed Goddess behind her gave no answer, aware that the banter of the redhead was just a distraction. At a frantic pace, Ashura hurled the balls of energy with deadly accurate aim. Much to her chagrin, her target was capable of staying just a step ahead of each blast.  
  
"Really now, I need to get back to class, I probably got detention as it is." The face that was facing forward narrowed her eyes, how dare she not take her meager life so seriously, since it was about to be ended.  
  
"I'll char the gristle from your bones, so that you'll have an excuse!"  
  
"Oh, thanks! You're so swell!" Ranma-chan replied cheerfully, "It's so nice to know you're thinking about my welfare!" Ranma jumped off the roof to street level. The Goddess of War growled, and dove down to the ground.  
  
"Five... four... three..." the redhead counted down, ignoring the screams of pedestrians running for safety from the glowing three headed and six armed creature chasing a cute pigtailed girl. The girl smiled when she heard the air behind her warp from the searing heat of the fireball tailing her; Rouge's timing was just so predictable.  
  
Suddenly, the redhead veered right, just before the ball of energy hit her, causing it to connect with the object that was right in front of her. All of Ashura's eyes narrowed at the scream of water heading straight for her. The Goddess expanded her aura, turning the water to steam before it could reach her. Unfortunately, it did it's job of stalling her long enough for the Redhead to make her escape.  
  
"YOU WON'T ESCAPE ME THAT EASILY!!!!" Ashura wailed in three voices in unison. She took off flying in the direction she saw the redhead head to, intent on not letting her quarry get away from her.  
  
Ranma-chan sat on a roof, dangling her legs off the edge, and watched the Goddess disappear into the distance. Rouge was becoming a great liability, and Ranma didn't know what to do with her. There had to be some weakness to exploit that'll keep the Hindu girl from attacking her at random. She would have to find it soon, or else things would stay too hot for her.  
____________________________________  
  
"Nabiki?"  
  
The girl in question looked up to meet the eyes of one of her classmates, Yuri. The middle Tendou daughter raised an eyebrow; the girl was extremely private except for her small circle of friends, and never had shown any need to approach Nabiki for any reason, "Something I can do for you?"  
  
"Well, no, that is, I..." Yuri stuttered, trying to gather her thoughts as she tried to look Nabiki in the eyes.  
  
"I hope you figure it out soon, my time is rather valuable," Nabiki replied dryly. Her comment seemed to fill the other girl with resolve.  
  
"Can I talk with you, after school I mean."  
  
"Is it really that important?" Nabiki asked, not that she had anything better to do, but she had to keep up appearances.  
  
The other girl deflated, "No, not really, but if it's okay, I still want to meet. Possibly at the new bistro in the Furinkan market area?"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't have that much cash to spare. Maybe some other time," Nabiki replied, and turned back to her lunch.  
  
"Uh, don't worry about paying, it's okay!" Yuri countered quickly in a slightly nervous and panicked voice, "I'll-I'll cover it! I don't mind at all!"  
  
Nabiki seemed to consider the idea; she recalled the bistro that just opened up was rather lavish and expensive. Considering that this was the first time Yuri had ever approached her, and from what she knew, the other girl didn't have that much money to indulge with, whatever she had to say must be more important than she was letting on, "Sure, as long as you're covering it."  
  
Yuri let out a brilliant smile, "Oh, thank you! I'll meet you there right after school, okay? I won't be late, I promise!" Nabiki rolled her eyes at the girl's enthusiasm, whatever floats her boat, the Tendou daughter mused.  
____________________________________  
  
Rouge landed and doused herself with hot water, reverting back to her true form.  
  
"By the scowl on your face, you met up with red," Happosai commented with distaste in his voice.  
  
"Yes, she managed to escape me once again. But no matter, I know now that she goes to the school that Ranma and two of the daughters attend. So I am sure that she lives in this area. Rouge's battle aura manifested, almost as potent as in her cursed form; fueled by her loathing of the pigtailed girl.  
  
"That's good to know, I think we'll let Soun know that we're staying a bit longer than expected, he won't mind hosting his master and another pretty lady." Rouge nodded to the old man, and walked into the house.  
____________________________________  
  
Pantyhose Saotome surveyed from the rooftops the damage done to the area. Sure enough, it was Rouge's handiwork. That meant she was chasing Ranma. Not that the idea of letting femboy get flambéed didn't hold it's appeal, but he needed to get his name changed first, and have the divorce papers signed second. After that, he would gleefully let the whole world know exactly 'where' Ranma was. After all, the whole world wanted the bastard as dead as he did.  
____________________________________  
  
Ranma finally returned home, about the time school would end so not to draw suspicion to herself. She forgot to get hot water on the way back, and decided to chance it by getting it from the bathroom or kitchen.  
  
Ranma's pet had heard Ranma's tell tale female steps land in the yard, and bounded outside to greet his master.  
  
"Oh, hey Bunny, miss me?" Ranma-chan enquired, snuggling up to her beloved rabbit in her arms. She decided it would be safest to enter the house from the top floor and get the hot water from the thermos in her room, and bounded onto the roof, and then the into her open window.  
  
From the shadowed side of the dojo, a girl of Hindu nationality watched the redhead. Her first impulse was to attack outright, but the sight of Bunny coming out to great her stalled that notion. The rabbit was extremely anti-social, Rouge knew, and there were only two that it didn't attempt to attack on sight; one was Ranma, and the other one was that weird guy with the flame thrower and knife fetish.  
  
She had also headed straight up for Ranma's room, knowing exactly which window it was. True she could have been watching the place for a while, but Rouge had other suspicions. Quickly, she ran back into the house, and upstairs  
____________________________________  
  
Ranma set Bunny down to the side, and unscrewed the lid to the thermos. Without delay, the redhead girl up ended it onto her head, becoming a guy. Bunny's ears perked, and then the rabbit turned to the door, hissing in malice.  
  
"Huh, what's up?" Ranma inquired, then looked in the direction his pet was facing, "Oh... crap."  
  
Rouge's aura pulsed, as she dumped the glass of cold water onto her head...  
____________________________________  
  
"Yo! What's wit' all the damn Chinese freaks up in hea?" A Japanese young man covered with a high top fade bleached blonde, red Adidas clothing, and quite a bit of gaudy gold jewelry called out in a horrid mixture of Japanese and American Ebonics.  
  
"These 'Chinese Freaks' as you put it, young man, are now the occupants of this building," an old voice replied in a displeased tone "If you're looking for the previous residents, I'm afraid they have relocated elsewhere for the benefit of their health.  
  
"Whoa, whoa! Chill! I ain't know'n da territory be tak'n over!" The guy raised his hands in a peace gesture, "I admit' it's been a minute since I been up in hea."  
  
Haun Tao blinked, "I haven't seen you here before, boy."  
  
"Huh? Oh! It's cool, yo. I mean I ain't been here in a while. You know, a 'minute'?"  
  
The elder nodded in understanding, "I'm not accustomed to slang, forgive my misunderstanding. What is your business here?"  
  
"Huh? Oh! Call me Red Silky, cool? Cause I'm always in red and I'm always smooth!" Haun Tao rolled her eyes, "I'm jus' dropp'n this hea stash off. Yakuza don't need it, tho' we gots heat!"  
  
"Pardon me, 'gots heat'?"  
  
"Popo watch'n out for it, so make stealth."  
  
"Excuse me? 'Popo'? 'Make stealth'? Can you speak intelligently, for my benefit?"  
  
"Uh, don't worry about it, just keep a look out," the slightly exasperated young man replied, "Here, I'll throw in this book for free." Along with a briefcase, Red Silky handed a book entitled, 'Ebonics for Dummies', "Need to know dis if you gonna be in da profes-sion."  
  
"Um, I have told you, Mr. Red Silky, that the original... gang that held this, territory, as you put it, is no longer here. I'm afraid we have no use for this or your generosity."  
  
"Word, I hear that." The 'ganksta' replied with a grin, "I ain't want'n it back, and you look like yous tricks can hold yo own. All it's paid fo' anyhow an' I need to unload it to another body, you gets?"  
  
"I... comprehended that," the Amazon elder ventured, making sure she caught what he had asked at the end.  
  
"Phat yo, mind if I hit a fatty and talk wit' one of yo' girls?"  
  
"I... don't suppose," Haun Tao replied, not knowing what a 'fatty' was, but tired of asking questions, "though I can not say that any of 'my girls' would want to talk with you. You are welcome to try."  
  
"I catch ya, but I'm a G like dat, skat wit hitt'n hard tactics, Word?" Red Silky stuck his right hand out in comrade.  
  
"Word," The old lady replied hesitantly grasping his hand in what she knew was a western gesture.  
  
The ganksta wannabe grabbed her hands, bent his fingers at the second knuckle and gripped onto her fingers that were forced into a similar fashion and grip, and then without letting go of her hand, brought his right forearm against her chest and patted her on the back with his left hand, "I likes you ho's, you cool wit' me. Lemme know when you need anything!" With that he turned towards the first cute girl he saw.  
  
"Yo, trick, bring yo ass so we can gets to talk'n" 


	11. Chapter 10; 'Running around with Scissor...

Hee hee, small correction there, Rouge's cursed for is Ashura, not Shiva! I shall now go recieve my floggings for making such a dismal mistake. But in the meantime, enjoy!  
  
Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
"So, what's on your mind?" Nabiki asked, after taking a sip from her Tai style iced tea. Ever since Nabiki arrived and made her order (and an exorbant order it was, much to Yuri's chagrin), there had been an awkward silence between the two. Once the drinks arrived, Nabiki grew tired of the silence, and cut to the chase.  
  
  
"Huh?" Yuri seemed to snap out of her happy daze, "Oh, nothing, nothing at all," She flashed her most brilliant smile to Nabiki, as pretty as she could make it. Nabiki smirked at the girl's sanguine attitude.  
  
"Then why did you want to meet with me? There *has* to be a reason, I'm sure."  
  
"I... I just wanted to get to know you. That's all," Nabiki missed her classmate's blush.  
  
"Ah, I see. You do realize that I'm not the 'friend' type person, right? I don't make friends that easily," Nabiki stood guard for a catch; the girl seemed to be buttering her up for a major loan.  
  
"I don't see why," the girl replied in a frantic placating voice, "I mean, you're a really nice person, I think you would make lots of good friends."  
  
"I suppose," Nabiki replied guardedly.  
  
"Nabiki-san, can I ask what your favorite music is?" Nabiki mentally shrugged, may as well humor the girl for the time being, she may actually just be trying to expand her meager circle of friends.  
______________________________  
  
"R-really, it was just a harmless prank!" Ranma stuttered, stumbling back from the slowly approaching infuriated Hindu Goddess incarnated.  
  
"You deceived me, you were her all along!" Ashura growled in a tri-unified voice, raising her two bottom hands that held dual fireballs. Ranma leapt backwards from the twin barrage, catching onto a light pole, swinging himself around, and landing on the fence in a sprint.  
  
This was a problem he wasn't prepared to deal with. It was all fun and games until an all powerful Hindu deity is gunning for you double-time, "Come on, don't you think you're acting a *little* excessive?"  
  
"No, I'll let you know when we've reached 'excessive'." Rouge growled, winding back to launch six falls of flame. Ranma leapt into the air into a half gator from the fence, angling his body to avoid the projectiles while in the air. Ranma landed on the ground, and rebounded off a restaurant wall, landing back on the rooftops. Ashura swiveled back up to meet Ranma at level, skimming the roof tiles in her pursuit.  
  
"There is no escape this time, Ranma, I shall fry you to cinders!" Rouge anticipated Ranma's step, and hurled a fireball ahead of him. It impacted with the edge of the roof right when Ranma placed his foot down, causing him to misstep and tumble with the rubble of the roof. The pigtailed boy recovered in a roll on the ground, and continued running. The pigtailed boy weaved between two more fireballs, internally sighing at his pursuer's tenacity.  
  
Ranma found himself running along a ditch, and jumped the rail, landing on the narrow passage between the floodwall and the canal. Ashura swooped down into the canal, the water becoming steam and parting in two at her passage. She flew alongside Ranma as he ran, and started lobbing fireballs at him. Knowing to stop would make him a dead target. he aggressed forward, weaving and evading the missiles aimed for him. Rouge grew extremely frustrated at the boy, and cupped her six hands around an invisible sphere.   
  
Ranma's eyes grew wide, though he kept facing forward, but he felt the heat rising exponentially. Without haste, he leapt forward as hard as he could; where he had just been left with a smoldering and molten concrete crater in the wall. The pigtailed martial artist gritted his teeth as he felt the heat build up again, and dashed backwards when he felt the time right. He moved back forward and jumped over the newly formed gap in the passage that filled with water.  
  
"QUIT BEING SO STUBBORN AND DIE!!!!!" Ashura wailed, readying an even larger ball of flame than the previous two. At the upcoming signal, Ranma leapt, spinning in the air, and landed on the other side of the canal; bolting before his chaser could gain her bearings on him.  
  
"HA! DON'T THINK WE WILL REPEAT YOUR LAST ESCAPE, RANMA!" Rouge blasted straight up, causing the water to spread out in a circle that went clear all the way to the bottom of the canal, and forcing it even up over the flood walls. From her vantage point, Rouge caught sight of Ranma, and dove back down to level to pursue him once again.  
  
The pigtailed boy moaned as he turned around and caught sight of the goddess still pursuing him, which distracted him from looking forward, tripping over a wayward water pail on the street.  
  
Rouge's eyes widened; though she already knew, seeing him transform into the hated redhead still gave her disbelief. She let forth an inhuman wail of fury, and rose in altitude.  
  
Ranma heard the air being parted, and dove. Ashura almost clipped Ranma, leaving in her trail a hail of fireballs. Ranma rolled to the side to avoid getting torched, and brought herself into a slide. Using the forward momentum, the pigtailed girl braced her foot at an angle into the ground, bringing herself upright, and took off in the direction she was facing.  
  
Ranma was running out of options. Rouge was making sure that she didn't give her a break; dogging her until she was ash. Unfortunately for Ranma, she couldn't see a way out of the predicament.  
  
"Man, just my luck."  
___________________________________  
  
"I mean, she was so brave to go against public standards like she did," Yuri gushed towards Nabiki who half-heartedly paid attention to the other girl, "I really do adore her."  
  
Nabiki mentally gagged at the girl's hero worship, she held quite a few female media artists that the Tendou daughter was unfamiliar with in high acclaim, although Nabiki begrudgingly handed to the other girl that it was good to have strong feminine role models to look up to, "I guess everyone needs a hero..."  
  
"Uh, right Nabiki-chan." Yuri wasn't paying attention to her classmate at that moment, but to the scene of Nabiki's redheaded fiancée bounding to the rooftops with a golden demon woman on her tail, "Uh, is that...?"  
  
"Nabiki-chan...?" The girl thought to herself in curious surprise, but shrugged it off, "Is what, what?"  
  
"Oh, never mind," Yuri quickly replied, "Anyway, would you like another one, Nabiki-san?"  
___________________________________  
  
"Aiyah..." Shampoo breathed, as she looked at what was in the suitcase; several packages of weed were stored in it tightly in it's confines, "Elder, there is enough ceremonial herb here for three festivals!"  
  
"Indeed," Haun Tao replied calmly, this was a generous gift indeed that Red Silky had visited upon them. The only problem was it wasn't of the quality the Amazons would use, "Unfortunately, it is inferior to our stock. We shall dispose of it." The Elder ignored the series of moans from around her, as she closed the suitcase, "I think that I should be the one to rid you youngsters of...temptation."  
  
Just then, the door opened to a scrawny guy in a tank top, bolo hat, and baggy jeans, "Ey! Did the supply come in today?"  
  
"Isn't anyone guarding that infernal door?" The old woman growled while rubbing her head, and then switched to Japanese, "And what supply should that be?"  
  
The man looked at the old woman in a peculiar way, "Who're you?"  
  
"The new proprietors of this territory," the Elder stated plainly, "State your business, so that we may send you on your way."  
  
"Well, my business is I came for the herb!"  
  
"Oh? You mean this?" The Amazon held up the briefcase she was handed.  
  
"That loaded with MJ? Then that's it! Got 7000 yen for a couple dime bags, that's all I got this time if it's cool." The Amazons available that understood Japanese blinked.   
  
"Um, I suppose that sounds fair," Haun Tao said slowly. She opened the briefcase back up and handed the man two of the bags as he handed one of the Amazon warriors the money.  
  
"Great! See you later! Oh, and you may want to open up, got a crowd wait'n for you up front." With that, he walked back outside with his gain.  
  
"Aiyah..." Shampoo breathed again as she looked outside. Haun Tao also had to gasp at the line of people waiting.  
  
"I am to presume that they all are here for the same reason, I propose a limit of two per person..."  
___________________________________  
  
Nabiki looked at her watch, and grimaced; she needed to get home and do her homework before dinner, "Well, I enjoyed the company and your hospitality, but I really need to get back home before Daddy starts to worry about me too much."  
  
"Nabiki! Would it... be okay if we, um, meet tomorrow? We can go see a movie! I'll pay, if you need me to," Yuri turned her face away as a blush formed.  
  
"Hmm, sounds like fun, talk to you about it at school then."  
  
"You mean it? GREAT! I'll talk to you then!" Yuri flashed one of her brilliant smiles that Nabiki found herself grinning back at. The girl's gay attitude was defiantly contagious.  
___________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan leapt over a fence, and ducked into some bushes. When she heard screaming deities, the redhead sighed in relief.  
  
::FWOOSH!!!!!::  
  
Ranma rolled out of the enflamed bushes, rolling around to put what flames had gotten on her. She noted that she had moved into an open park area, making her an easy target with no obstacles  
  
"So, my little redheaded briquette, the chase is over..." Ashura said in a low growl, holding four fireballs in her lower hands and a massive one overhead in her top hands, as she descended towards the grounded pigtailed girl.  
  
"Ah, heh heh, I understand you're angry and all..." Ranma actually regretted the itching powder now.  
  
"ANGRY?!?! YOU LIED TO ME!!!! YOU DECIEVED ME AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY TRUST!!!!" Screamed Rouge, shattering a few windows in the distance. Ranma winced at the emotion in the transformed girl's voice...wait a minute..."  
  
Ranma thought back to how friendly Rouge was to Ranma since they had met, how she convinced Happosai that he wasn't the redhead in truth after Ranma explained it to her and she readily believed it, how she would freak out whenever any other guy saw her in the buff, yet when Ranma had walked in on her on a few occasion, she seemed to take it in stride comfortably.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Ranma yelled mentally to herself, and forced the grin trying to form on his face down. The Redhead looked down in regret, "You're, you're right, Rouge-chan, I don't deserve your trust."  
  
Ashura staggered for a second, "Come again?"  
  
"I didn't really want to hurt you, I only picked on you because I didn't know how to approach you, I guess."  
  
"That's no excuse for lying to me..." Rouge growled, regenerating the fireballs that were about to fade out at her moment of lapse.  
  
"I COULDN'T HELP IT!" Ranma yelled out in haste, the really large swirling orb of plasma above her head was really beginning to unnerve the pigtailed girl, "You, you kinda scared me, as much as I liked you. You know you're pretty cute," Ranma-chan tried to vainly cover her face in case this didn't work.  
  
"I... scared you?" Rouge said with slight awe, allowing her projectiles to fizzle out of existence.  
  
"Well, a Hindu goddess that wields high temperature flames tends to do that to a guy," Ranma quipped dryly. Rouge gave a slight pout on her faces, and landed, no longer bathed in her high temperature aura.  
  
"Is this better?" She cooed sympathetically as she strode over to the young girl to coddle her. She had to fight hard to keep from gushing in front of the redhead. Ranma liked her, he really liked her!  
  
"As good as someone with six arms and three faces can be," Ranma replied with a smile.  
  
"I never considered how you take my curse, you must think I'm a freak," Ashura frowned on her three faces.  
  
"I can never think of you as a freak, Rou-chan." 


	12. Chapter 11; 'Running around with Scissor...

Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
Rouge landed and strode to the front door.  
  
"Oh, hello Rouge-san, did you enjoy your constitutional?" Kasumi asked cheerfully, as she let the Deity in.  
  
"Oh yes, it was quite, enlightening," was Ashura's reply; lightly pulsing a fireball in one hand idly.  
  
"You took off pretty fast there," Happosai stated, while walking to the front to meet his partner in vengeance, "You see Red again?"  
  
"Once again, he-she managed to elude my wrath," Rouge snarled.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, twice in one day, Rouge," the ancient martial artist admonished, "Oh well, we have all the time we need, but next time, inform me before you to heading off half-cocked." Happosai winced at his own analogy.  
  
Rouge only nodded. Ranma had asked her to continue the charade, as he had quite a few enemies, and he didn't want to hurt his master's feelings. Just so like Ranma; being so concerned about other people's feelings. She sighed as she poured hot water onto her head, and decided to wait for sweet Ranma.  
  
"I'm home," Nabiki called out not too much later.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki, did you have some business after school?" Kasumi replied from the kitchen.  
  
"It wasn't anything important, just meeting with a new acquaintance," the middle Tendou sister replied. She decided that she liked the girl; maybe she would hire her to help with her school activities.  
  
"I hope you had a good time then. Have you seen Ranma? He left a while ago and hasn't.."  
  
"Yo, Kasumi, when's dinner going to be ready?" Otoku-Ranma replied, walking downstairs, carrying Bunny.  
  
"Oh, I didn't hear you come in, Ranma. It'll be done very soon." Kasumi answered, unconsciously taking a step away from the hissing rabbit in Ranma's arms.  
  
"That's cool, can you get something for Bunny to eat?"  
  
"Uh, you're perfectly welcome to get something out of the fridge for it..." Kasumi stated nervously. Nabiki rolled her eyes.  
  
"Honestly, big sis, it's just a rabbit."  
  
"So you say," Ranma replied with a feral grin. Nabiki walked calmly up to Ranma and the now maliciously growling rabbit, and picked it up by the scruff.  
  
"Cute lil' tyke, isn't he?" Nabiki replied sardonically, as the rabbit roared like a bobcat and flailed its claws at the girl. Ranma blinked, he had to admit that even he was impressed.  
  
"Well? You going to go get it some food, or what?" Nabiki snapped at Ranma. The pigtailed boy went to the cupboard and got some oats.  
  
"Ranma, did you happen to bring home Akane's school assignments?" Ranma looked up from his search.  
  
"Uh, no, was I supposed to?"  
  
"Of course, Akane wasn't feeling very well and stayed home for the day."  
____________________________________________  
  
Akane sat in her room in her pajamas, and checked her clock again. It was another hour.  
  
Growling in frustration, she got the bottle of rubbing alcohol and the louver sponge, and went to the mirror. Once again, she set to the task of scrubbing the marker from her face, "Damn it! Why won't it come OFF!!!!!"  
____________________________________________  
  
"Hmm, I hope she's okay," Ranma replied with genuine concern.  
  
"She'll be fine," Kasumi placated, "Though she won't be down for dinner. I'll have to bring it up to her."  
  
"Hey, if you want I'll take it up for you," Ranma volunteered.  
  
"Oh no, I'll be fine," Kasumi interjected, Ranma just shrugged, and turned to walk upstairs.  
  
"Hey, aren't you gonna feed your rabbit?" Nabiki asked, and then went back to watching the rabidly flailing animal, and sighed.  
____________________________________________  
  
"Yo, 'Kane, you alright in there?" Ranma asked, knocking on her bedroom door. He heard a yip, and the girl brace against the door. His nose twitched as he inhaled.  
  
"I-I'm fine, Ranma."  
  
"You sure? Kasumi said you weren't at school today, that you were home sick." There was a pause from Akane's end, "Akane? Hey, Akane!"  
  
"I'm okay, Ranma, really!"  
  
"You're sure acting funny, but alright," with that, Ranma went to his room.  
____________________________________________  
  
Nabiki calmly flicked grapes at the rabbit's face as she held it by the scruff of the neck, every so often, Bunny would catch one and gnash it viciously. Rouge approached the girl with caution towards the bunny, "Has sweet Ranma returned, yet?"  
  
Nabiki and the rabbit paused, and turned to look at the girl, "Sweet... Ranma?" Rouge blinked, it seemed the rabbit even mouthed the words.  
  
A blush formed on the Hindu girl's face, "Oh, I mean Ranma, has Ranma returned? My Japanese isn't as firm as I would like to believe," Rouge covered.  
  
"Riiiiiight," Nabiki replied with a smirk, "He's upstairs, so he'll be down when dinner's ready in a few minutes."  
  
Not too much longer, everyone sat around the table, indulging in one of Kasumi's extravagant meals. Nabiki had to smirk; as she watched how close Rouge was insinuating herself with Ranma, much to her father and Mr. Saotome's irritation. Perhaps this could be exploited to her benefit...  
  
"Whelp, I'm stuffed!" Ranma replied, standing up to leave, "Kasumi, that was delicious, and when you go to bring Akane's dinner, have her use baby oil instead of the rubbing alcohol."  
  
Kasumi remained silent as the pigtailed boy let his pet out of its makeshift cage, and both walked upstairs to work on homework.  
____________________________________________  
  
"Oh, Nabiki's just the most wonderful person!" Yuri stated with a sigh.  
  
"Really? She always acted like all she cares about is making money," Leslie replied. She was somewhat jealous of her friend's successful outing with the Tendou girl.  
  
"Rezu, she's really pretty sensitive! And Nice!" Yuri stated adamantly. Her friend's English name still was difficult for her to pronounce.  
  
"And you're meeting with her after school today too?" Kimyou asked incredulously, "You're sooo lucky!"  
  
"Well, at least Akane's still available, if I could only work up the nerve to approach her," Leslie sighed wistfully.  
  
"You're so right, Rezu," Kimyou let out her own sigh, "I get dibs on Nabiki's redhead!"  
  
  
"I saw her yesterday too, she's a very good martial artist!" Yuri commented with a bit of awe, "I bet she has very strong legs."  
  
"Oooh, and she's just so short and adorable too!"  
  
All three of them waited for Nabiki to arrive at school.  
____________________________________________  
  
Nabiki this time couldn't ignore the fact that the whispers started only when she arrived on school grounds, but every time she attempted to focus on someone, they would die down and scurry out of distance. She hated secrets, especially ones about her.  
  
"Is something wrong, Nabiki?" Ranma looked up to her potential fiancée with shining eyes. Nabiki shook herself out of her reverie.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing, Ranma baby. Just thinking to myself."  
  
The whole schoolyard went quiet.   
  
Before the full nervousness Nabiki was experiencing could take effect, Yuri and two other girls approached, "Uh, Nabiki-san, we're still going out to the movies tonight, right?" The girl tried to hold the nervousness she felt out of her voice. She also hoped that Nabiki's redhead friend wouldn't decide to rip her apart for her gall.  
  
"As long as you're still offering to pay me," Nabiki replied in a casual tone, she blinked at the dual sighs that came from the girls beside her.  
  
"Then... can I meet you at your place first? To decide what movie?" Yuri kept eyeing Ranma, and began to get a little frightened at her souring face.  
  
Ranma's mouth twisted into a frown, if Nabiki was actually, like that, her whole setup backfired. At least her date would keep her out of her business.  
  
"I guess, that's not a problem with me, you can walk with us after school," the middle Tendou sister answered.  
  
"Uh, Ranma, would you like to go too? And maybe we can invite Akane?" Kimyou asked with a parched voice.  
  
Ranma snapped to attention at the sound of her name, "I... guess, sure."  
  
"You'll have to ask Akane yourself if she wants to go," Nabiki interjected, "We gotta get to class, meet you after school!" With that, Ranma and Nabiki stepped past the trio of girls. The girls looked at each other with blissful faces, and quickly followed behind.  
  
"Man, who woulda thought, Nabiki..."  
  
"Did she have to take Ranma? She's so cute!"  
  
"Do you think Akane's like that too?"  
  
"Oh, merciful Kami, I plead that the answer's 'no'!"  
  
"But she *is* always saying she hates boys."  
  
"..."  
  
"GODS! HAVE YOU FORSAKEN HUMANITY?!?!?"  
  
"Yeah, it's always the good ones..."  
  
"Speaking of boy haters, here she comes..."  
  
A steady war cry of 'I HATE BOYS' sounded through the gate. As she was through, the Tendou girl almost stumbled when none of the boys moved to attack her.  
  
"Akane! Please say it isn't true!" a member of the boxing team cried in desperation.  
  
"Huh?" Akane intelligently replied.  
  
Kuno stayed hidden behind a tree, having heard everything. Something was bewitching the lovely Tendou sisters and the Pigtailed Goddess into unnatural acts. As a noble samurai, he could not let this go unchallenged. Making a vow to himself, Kuno decided that he would find the cause of the three girl's ailments, and force it to relinquish its ghastly hold. The Kendoist walked towards the Kendo Club's room, missing Akane's enraged cry of 'WHAT', and several boys flying into the air at once. 


	13. Chapter 12; 'Running around with Scissor...

Ranma 1/2 'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
  
"This one looks good," Yuri pointed out to another movie listed in the paper.  
  
"Na, that one seems like it'll be a cheesy slow buildup romance," Nabiki commented, "Not really my thing."  
  
"It... isn't?" Yuri enquired curiously.  
  
"Nope, never cared for them, this looks like it may be promising."  
  
"What do you want in a relationship, then?"  
  
"Nabiki looked up from the paper, and shrugged before replying, "I prefer someone who won't beat around the bush, that is assertive and confident. Those mushy flicks always have 'em so shy it makes me want to gag." Nabiki found rather queer, it was so easy to be open with the girl. She decided that it was good that she came across such a possible friend.  
__________________________________________  
  
Ranma and Akane sat in Akane's room with Leslie and Kimyou. Ranma acted in indifference, as she stretched to help with her circulation. Akane and the other two girls sat in a nervous silence.  
  
"So..." Leslie started, attempting to break the ice, "How long have, uh, you known Nabiki?"  
  
"She's my sister," Akane said with a slight nervousness in her voice, there was just something about the two girls that she couldn't poke her finger into.  
  
"I just got here a few days myself," the redhead added to the conversation absently.  
  
"Oh..." replied Leslie, squirming in her chair again.  
  
::BADUMP::  
  
"What are they doing over there?" Akane asked curiously. Kimyou and Leslie looked at each other with slightly smug expressions, and then were distracted from each other by Ranma's backbend.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Re-really?"  
  
Nabiki nodded in reply, "I think we can all agree on this movie, what do you..."  
  
"You're really pretty, you know that?" The interruption caught Nabiki off guard.  
  
"Pardon me?"  
  
"When I heard rumors of your preference, I didn't think they could be true," Yuri's face grew a confident grin that suddenly set Nabiki on edge.  
  
"What preference?" Nabiki's answer was to be tackled onto her bed, banging the headboard against the wall. Nabiki struggled as the girl's mouth met hers, and finally wrestled the girl off her.  
  
"Uh, I... um, gotellthemwefoundamovie..." an extremely flustered Nabiki stated.  
  
"Hmm, coy," Yuri thought to herself cheerfully.  
  
"Uh, we got a movie picked out, you guys ready?" Nabiki asked. All four girls curiously looked at the middle Tendou sister as her face was flushed and she was nervously adjusting her clothing as if she was trying to make sure she was presentable.  
  
"I wish you wouldn't jump on your bed like that, Nabiki," Akane chided, "you how irritating that is when it bangs against the wall." Kimyou and Leslie's faces became all that more smug.  
  
"Shut... up," Nabiki growled, causing her sister to reel back in alarm, "Look, let's just go see the damn movie, alright?"  
  
"Movie? That sounds like it would be fun. Would you mind if I came along?" Rouge asked, looking directly at Ranma. She didn't catch the stunned and awe-struck expressions on the unfamiliar girls' faces in the room.  
  
Ranma realized that she was being directly asked, and shrugged, "Mmm."  
  
Both Leslie and Kimyou were desperately shaking their heads yes.  
  
"This is Nabiki's game, so it's up to her," Akane replied, "Though I don't see what the problem would be."  
  
"Sure, I have no problem," Nabiki replied, the more there, the safer she would be.  
_________________________________  
  
Nabiki and Yuri sat in the middle, with Akane and Rouge on each side of them. Ranma sitting next to Rouge, and Kimyou and Leslie on Ranma and Akane's side respectively.   
  
Nabiki tried to concentrate on the movie, but the slight movements that Yuri was making were becoming distracting; the way she yawned and would lean her head against Nabiki's shoulder, in which Nabiki would have to shrug gently and subtly and tell her to stay awake for the movie. How Yuri would stretch, and start to inconspicuously reach her arm behind the middle Tendou sister, in which Nabiki would respond by offering the other girl some popcorn, and hold it at a range just so she would have to use the hand closest to Nabiki to reach it. It backfired a couple of times, as Nabiki jolted from hands 'accidentally' brushing against sensitive areas. When Yuri's hand managed to wander up Nabiki's thigh...  
  
::SMACK!!!::  
  
"Sorry, thought it was a spider," Nabiki quickly covered.  
  
"That, that's okay, I should had been more cautious of where I put my hand," Yuri apologized, rubbing her tender hand.  
  
Ranma watched this from the corner of her eye, smirking. Nabiki was having slight etiquette problems with her 'date', which meant that she wasn't of that particular persuasion, since she didn't seem like the shy type.  
  
Rouge noticed the redhead's sideways glance, and assumed it was for her. The Hindu girl's cheeks flushed a bit, and she leaned against the smaller girl. Ranma blinked at this, but then shrugged for the sake of keeping up appearances. Kimyou saw Rouge's action, and choked down a growl, as she leaned onto Ranma, and put her hand onto the redhead's arm.  
  
Ranma double blinked at this, but then disregarded it, being slightly confused. Rouge narrowed her eyes at the smug expression on the Japanese girl's face that was leaning against 'her' sweet Ranma, and retaliated by sighing, leaning further against Ranma, and grabbing a hold of her arm. Kimyou sniffed, and leaned her head to the side of Ranma's breasts, and laid her hand on the redhead's lap.  
  
"I'm, uh, going to go get some more popcorn..." Ranma stated nervously.  
  
"Here!" Came in fabulous dual stereo. Ranma looked back and forth between the two buckets of popcorn.  
  
"I wanted no butter..." Ranma sighed at the sound of two popcorn buckets landing on the ground, and two more shoved in front of her face. The redhead leaned back, and reached into both buckets, ignoring the glares Rouge and Kimyou were trading.  
  
Akane had no allusions to what Leslie was trying to do, the girl was acting more perverted than any of the boys at school. The youngest Tendou was afraid though to use her usual pervert deterrent; good ol' fashioned bludgeoning, seeing as how the girl looked so fragile that Akane was sure something would break if she even so much as smacked her, and it wouldn't be her hand.  
  
"Could you, aaahhh, not do that?" Akane asked meekly, squirming as the other girl rubbed her hand up and down Akane's forearm.  
  
"Do what?" Leslie asked innocently.  
  
"Well, not touch me like that."  
  
"I'm sorry, is it making you nervous?"  
  
"No! I'm not nervous," Akane denied, not realizing what she just did.  
  
"That's good then," Leslie removed her hand from Akane's arm.  
  
"Don't... even think it," Akane, Nabiki, and Ranma's voices sounded in unison. Leslie's, Kimyou's, and Yuri's hands retreated back into their laps from the other three girl's thighs. Rouge's hand went onto the armrest between her and Ranma.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Saotome, I notice that you don't fear the master as you did before," Soun commented, taking a gulp of his beer.  
  
"Not so, Tendou." Genma laid his game piece on the next square, "I just fear the boy much more."  
  
"I do not understand your irrational fear of your son."  
  
"You will soon enough."  
  
"But still, I would think getting involved once again with the master's antics would bring about a great deal of fear in you. Aren't you worried what troubles he will bring upon us?"  
  
"Oh, he doesn't do the raids and molesting anymore."  
  
Soun perked up, "You mean, the master has ACTUALLY changed his ways?"  
  
"Not by his own will, Tendou," Genma took a calm swig of his own beer.  
__________________________________________  
  
The walk home was silent, yet tension filled. Akane attempted to keep at least two paces away from Leslie, Nabiki attempted to ignore Yuri's subtle advances, but was failing miserably, while Ranma succeeded where Nabiki failed, as she ignored both Rouge and Kimyou. The task was made easier, as the pigtailed girl had much on her mind at the moment.  
  
Rouge was taken care of, fortunately, but she had the Amazons, Pantyhose boy, Ryoga, and...  
  
"SWEETO!!!"  
  
Ranma looked up to see a midget with a handkerchief over his face and a large bundle of underwear slung over his back, bounding from rooftop to rooftop.  
  
"Um, girls, you go on without me, I have to check something," Ranma stated, her tone of voice sounded a bit confused. Before the redhead got any responses, she bounded onto the rooftops after the ancient martial arts master.  
  
"What was that all about?" Kimyou enquired. Rouge's eyes were wide in concern, and decided that she should probably follow her Sweet Ranma.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Hey, old freak!" Happosai grinned to himself, and then stopped to turn to face the hated Redhead."  
  
"You," the ancient martial artist sneered, dropping his bag unceremoniously onto the roof.  
  
"What you up to? I didn't think you were interested in women's unmentionables anymore," Ranma jibbed with a smirk.  
  
"No thanks to you," Happosai suddenly chuckled, confusing Ranma even further, "but that's okay, Ranma my boy, I'll get my revenge against you, yet."  
  
"Huh, if your still having problems getting it up, then why..." Ranma-chan's eyes went wide in a realization, "Oh... Shit."  
  
Happosai had a feral smirk on his face, "Oh yes, Ranma... my 'boy'. It's a darn shame too, I guess your 'husband' will have to become the new heir to Anything Goes, I hope you're not bitter." Happosai took a battle stance.  
  
"NOW, PREPARE TO DIE!" 


	14. Chapter 13; 'Running around with Scissor...

"This spellchecker's dead, Jim"  
_______________  
_______________  
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Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
  
"Now, feel the wrath of my FINAL TECHNIQUE!" Happosai bellowed, hunching over and crossing his arms in front of himself.  
  
"Uh, Isn't it a bit early for ultimate attacks?" Ranma-chan asked nervously, backing up in subtle steps. This was not a good situation to be in, as he was hoping the ancient martial artist would not figure out his curse until he was prepared for it.  
  
"HAPPO..."  
  
Ranma braced himself to attack.  
  
"FIRE..."  
  
"This old trick again?" Ranma smirked to herself. So the old letch was planning on using that cruddy sealed technique of his...  
  
"BARRAGE!!!!"  
  
Hold on, he didn't say that last time, did he?  
  
Ranma yelped, and backpedaled at the almost endless wave of bombs hurled towards him.  
  
"Lesse you get away from that, you little puke..." Happosai growled ferally, as he watched his redheaded bane attempt to evade the attack. Sure he wanted to make Ranma suffer as he had, but no sense in letting him escape, yet again. The punk just had a way of managing luck on his side.  
  
The bombs were upon Ranma, and she could do nothing more than close her eyes and brace against the upcoming explosion. Fortunatly, since she couldn't see where she was going, her foot slipped off the edge of the roof.  
______________________________________________  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Yuri asked, turning back to where Ranma had dissappeared.  
  
"Oh no, SWEET RANMA!" Rouge called out, pulling out a plastic bottle, and dousing her head. The five remaining girls stared at the golden goddess, as she launched into the air. Her blast off produced enough force to push the girls to the ground...  
______________________________________________  
  
Happosai's face darkened, as he watched Ranma slip off the roof, just as the explosions happened. The far part of the roof collapsed with the blast, probably burying Ranma. The ancient pervert was not convinced of the pigtailed girl's demise, and leapt down to find the body. Just as he hit the ground, he caught a redhead flash bounding back into the air and onto the rooftops.  
  
"No, you will not get away this time," The old man growled, and piled on his speed to follow. In only but a few scant seconds, Happosai was on top of the retreating redhead, and used his pipe to send her flying backwards.  
  
Ranma rolled with the momentum into sitting position, while trying to figure out a way out of this one, she doubted sweet talking would work as well for Happosai as it did for Rouge, particularly for the reason the old former letch was so ticked at her. Maybe he could be pacified.  
  
The sudden appearance of the bomb between her legs quelled that thought all together...  
______________________________________________  
  
Ashura looked down and surveyed the battle below. She wanted to save her sweet Ranma, but that would mean going against Happosai. She owed too much to the old martial artist that even somewhat served as a father figure, but if she didn't do something soon, Ranma wasn't long for the world.  
______________________________________________  
  
Ranma backflipped away from the bomb, and was sidechecked by Happosai. The redhead was increasingly becoming concerned about Happosai's speed, the only thing that was keeping her alive was the fact that the old man seemed to want to cripple her before killing her.  
  
Happosai was waiting for the redhead in the spot she was stumbling to, shoved a lit bomb into her grasp, and then launched her away over the rooftops with a tap of his pipe. In the distance where Happosai anticipated Ranma to have landed, a massive explosion occured.  
______________________________________________  
  
Ranma pulled herself from down the subway stairs she dove into to avoid the blast. Happosai would be there any moment to check for her corpse, so she had only but a few seconds to...  
  
"You little Puke! What does it take to be rid of you?"  
  
Ranma groaned at the sight of the Anything Goes master, "You're really overblowing this, you know?"  
  
"You took my only joy in life away. For that I expect you to die a thousand fold!" the former old pervert growled, while stalking towards his prey.  
  
"Where have I heard that before?" Ranma mumbled to herself, "Hey, look, I did ya a favor! Your behavior wasn't good for an old coot like you! I mean stealing women's underwear and all..." Ranma took another step back as Happosai's battle aura flaired violently, and decided to try another tactic.  
  
"Hey, it's not like there isn't a cure, you know?"  
  
"WHAT CURE!!!!" Happosai yelled in an enhanced ki voice that caused the area to rumble, Ranma smirked to herself as she started slowly down the stairs.  
  
"Uh, well, I'm pretty sure they would have one. I mean I would think Chinese farmers wouldn't use herbs to neuter cattle if they wanted it permenant..."  
  
Happosai's eye's narrowed even further, and decided to test his hypothosis, "So, you used the infidel's herb in that tobacco you gave me..."  
  
Ranma paused, and blinked, "Uh, yeah, you know about it?" Ranma was surprised the old man knew about it.  
  
"YOU IDIOT!!!!!" Happosai screamed, causing the ground to shake once more, threatening the stability of it, "NOT ONLY IS IT *PERMENANT*, BUT IT RAISES ESTROGEN LEVELS!!!!"  
  
"So you're a bit more sympathetic to Rouge during her cycle," Ranma had Happosai set up right where she wanted him.  
  
"YOU DIE!!!!" The old man leapt, wanting nothing more than to rip the redhead apart with his bare hands. Ranma let her smirk slip, and leapt all the way down the stairs, while tossing a rock into the roof. It impacted, causing the whole stairway roof to crumble onto the top of Happosai.  
  
Ranma took the oppurtunity and ran, meandering through the the droves of people until she found the tunnels and a random subway train that was speeding by to leap onto the side. Happosai didn't take but a few seconds to dig his way out of the rubble, and spotted the redhead easily in the crowd. There weren't many Japanese girls with a crop of vibrant red hair.  
  
The ancient martial arts master managed to catch the tail end of the train, and quickly started to make his way to were his prey was. Ranma caught sight of the old man and rolled her eyes.  
  
"What does it take to lose this freak?" she said, as the martial arts master made it to her. Ranma swung herself to the top of the train as soon as it reached outside, and took a stance. Happosai rushed her before she could defend, and knocked her to the side. Ranma barely managed to catch the side of subway train with one hand, saving herself from an unpleasant fall. Happosai lept a couple of meters up the train, pulled out his pipe, started smoking it, and then angled the pipe end backwards. The old man smiled, as he tapped it, sending the wad of hot ash from it, and watched as it landed on Ranma's hand.  
  
"OW! HOT!" the redhead screamed, pushing her legs off the side of the train to launch herself away as she cradled her burnt hand. Ranma landed on the roof of a house and kept running, with Happosai hot on her trail.  
  
Ranma realized that she wasn't going to be able to just 'lose' Happosai, and that she would have to make a stand. With her decision made, the pigtailed girl dropped down to the ground, and ran onto one of the streets of the lower class neighborhood.  
  
Happosai found Ranma in a stance, ready to fight him, "So, you're not gonna run for your pathetic life? I'll tell you right now you have a better chance of escaping me than defeating me." Happosai twirled his pipe, and held it out and up to the side with his other hand foward in defense, "Well then you little punk, lesse what you got."  
  
Ranma rushed Happosai, attacking as fast as she could. "Come on, come on..." She chanted in mantra in her head, using the Chestnut fist she had picked up without the Amazons knowing. Her attacks stayed just a few scant millimeters from connecting with the old man, and she hoped it wasn't because he was toying with her.  
  
"Pah! Pathetic! And to think I chose you to be my heir!" The old man taunted.  
  
Ranma-chan had to retort, "This is all the effort an old freak who can't get it to stand about face at the sight of one of your precious 'pretty ladies' that you deserve! You shouldn'ta touched me like that, you old letch, because you got what you deserved so take *THAT* in your pipe and smoke it!"  
  
Happosai's aura grew even bigger than Ranma had ever seen it, must have hit a nerve.  
  
"You. Will. Die." Happosai said plainly, but finally. Ranma smiled brightly, it was about time!  
  
Her celebration was cut off by the sound of a loud boom, and her body being sent flying almost a quarter mile down the street. She rolled along the ground and bounced a few times before coming to a stop. Happosai had managed to tag a few of her pressure points, rendering her leg numb, but slightly usable, unlike her dangling right arm. At the sight of Happosai rushing towards her, Ranma ran into an alleyway.  
  
The old martial arts master turned the corner to find his prey stumbled over a trash heap. Happosai had to chuckle at the poetic justice of it all, "So, Ranma my Boy, you managed to trick my dear Rouge into forgiving you, but that doesn't matter now." The old man leapt onto an overturned trashcan, and pulled out another bomb, and lit the fuse, "In time, she will forget about you."  
  
"Uh, I guess this is the end then," Ranma said with a smile.  
  
"It isn't as satisfying that you welcome death so openly, but my honor demands your demise. Shame really, you had so much potential too."  
  
"Then I guess this is good-bye?" the redhead was still smiling like she had won.  
  
"You got it, you little puke!"  
  
"Well then, good bye!" Ranma-chan said, waving with her good hand.  
  
"GOOD B-," Happosai was cut off by the loud boom of the bomb that Ranma-chan had managed to sneak from the old man during their hand to hand combat exploding in the overturned trashcan the old pervert was standing on. Happosai was launched high into the air, becoming a dot in the sky. A second explosion ensued, that brightened up the dimming evening.  
  
Ranma sighed at her victory, though knew Happosai wasn't gone in the least. Now that he knew who Ranma was and where she was staying, she would have to prepare for the next encounter. She would assuradly not be as lucky next time.  
  
"Is you okay?" A female accented voice asked from a distance, causing Ranma's blood to run cold. Into his sight came a surprised small party of warrior women with unusual hair colors. Their respressions turned into snarls once realization dawned upon them.  
  
"Ranma..." 


	15. Chapter 14; 'Running around with Scissor...

Spellchecker blowed up REEEEEAAAALLLLLL good!  
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____________________________  
Ranma 1/2  
Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
  
"Uh, hi, guys, um, beautiful evening, isn't it?" Ranma-chan asked nervously, and then gulped at the sound of weapons that were sharp and metallic, round and heavy, and blunt and generally painful. She was not in a good situation, with being surrounded by several angry Amazons, her right arm temporarily useless, her leg still numb, slightly winded from her previous bout, and laying in a pile of trash.  
  
The fun never stops for Ranma Saotome, nope it sure does not.  
  
"KILL!!!!" All the girls shouted, leaping at their sworn prey with their weapons bared. Thinking quicky, Ranma grabbed a pile of trash with her left arm, and tossed it into the air.  
  
Amazon finely crafted weapons obliterated the vicinity, attempting to make nothing more than paste of their nemesis as they ignored the paper flying in their faces. Finally when the women felt their ritious vengeance sated, their attack ceased.  
  
"Huh? There is no red smear!" one of them called out in confusion.  
  
"Perhaps we totally obliterated her?"  
  
"No," a third one growled, "She used the paper as a smokescreen, she's evaded us yet again!"  
  
"THERE! THERE SHE IS!"  
  
Ranma looked down from climbing the fire escape, her eyes widening once she had been spotted. The redhead was currently not in a position to put up a fight, with a dead arm and an untrustworthy leg; it was obvious that the odds were not in her favor.  
  
"What did I do to deserve this?" Ranma-chan sighed to the heavens. It had to be Karma or something.  
  
The female hunters were not inhibited as their prey was, and made quick access to the fire escape, closing on Ranma's tail. The prey leapt to the next building with her good leg, but stumbled a bit; she couldn't outrun them this time, and there was not telling when reinforcments...  
  
::THONG::  
  
...would arrive. Ranma twisted in a half gator in the air after dodging the long arrow, and landed at the edge of the building she was currently on. She put weight on her numb leg, and could not find her balance on it. The pigtailed girl was sent careening over the top of the roof. She caught onto a window still with her good arm, and pushed off into a pile of garbage in the alley.  
  
"Great, more crap," the girl cursed, bringing herself to stand. She looked around, and reached into her pocket. Before she could take out it's contents, ten Amazon girls landed in a circle around her.  
  
"You no escape us this time, Ranma. Now you die for crimes against Amazon nation."  
  
"Yeah, well, if I knew it would cause me this much trouble, I wouldn't have done it, sorry!" Ranma apologized, but somehow it didn't seem sincere.  
  
"DIE!" The uniform cry came out; Ranma-chan braced for attack as best she could.  
  
The redhead turned away from a sword slash, and landed against a wall. her good hand slapped against the wall, and she leapt over a bo staff swing aimed for her head. She landed slightly off balance, and was forced to drop under a flying kick. The pigtailed girl rolled on the ground, slamming her palm into it a couple of times as she rolled by.  
  
She recovered to a crouch, and swept her numb leg out to trip up an Amazon with a chain whip, and then leap frogged with her good hand over another wearing steel guantlets. Another opponent attempted to fell Ranma with her European rapier, but found her shirt suddenly stripped from her for her troubles. The redhead bounded her right arm in a makeshift sling with one of the Amazon's silk shirts, and continued to carefully weave and dodge through the Amazons; keeping them in a rather close area, while slamming her good hand into almost every surface she came in contact with.  
  
Suddenly, Ranma leapt up to a sturdy looking poll, and dropped down next to an extremely heavy looking metal dumpster. The Amazons began in pursuit, but suddenly found themselves inhibited by a web of fine but strong fishing wire. Ranma grinned in victory, as she kicked the dumpster, which caused it's handle to pull the wire that was tied to it's handle.  
  
The pin fasteners Ranma used to hold various parts of the wires to walls popped out of the surfaces they were stuck in, which was followed by the indignant squawks of ten Amazons, as they were lifted in a makeshift fisherman's net.  
  
Ranma-chan worked her right arm to see if it was fine now, and recieved less than favorable results. The redhead bounded off the walls onto the tops of the buildings, where she was suddenly knocked for a loop.  
  
"Impressive, you managed to subdue some of our best warriors with your cunning."  
  
"Why, thanks, honored elder!" Ranma managed to say happily around her wheezing.  
  
"Polite, for a sociopath," Haun Tao replied, "I'm afraid this little chase from China has to come to an end. We cannot have those who cross our might run freely."  
  
"Actually I more of maneuvered through you," the redhead replied, trying to stall while she got her breath going again.  
  
"Touche, but it matters not," the old woman brandished her iron cane menacingly, "You are about to be regulated."  
  
Ranma blinked, "Huh?"  
  
Haun Tao blushed, but her serious expression didn't change, "PREPARE TO FALL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF AN AMAZON ELDER! BAKUSAI TENKETSU!"  
  
Ranma-chan leapt out of the way of a rolling blast that kicked up the building's roof in it's path, and rolled to recovery. The redhead turned to escape, and her vision came to a wall of Amazons walking smugly out of the shadows. Ranma turned a full circle, and saw that Amazons were circled around her and the elder in a sizable birth that extended to other rooftops. This time the message was clear; there was not option of escape.  
  
Ranma attepted to assess the situation; she was surrounded by hostile Amazons, and fighting against one who's skill probably far outweighed her own. Her arm right arm was still limp and in it's sling, and she was fighting a limp. It would be tight, but she could still make it out alive.  
  
The elder noted the girl's calculating expression, and decided that allowing the girl to think would be counter-productive. She whipped her cane back, and then snapped it foward, causing it to desegment and stretch along a millimeter diameter iron mesh wire.  
  
Ranma's eyes went wide, as she sidestepped the snake cane; add dealing with an unusual weapon to the list of problems.  
  
Haun Tao snapped her weapon sideways into the ground, causing it to burrow and slither underneath the top layer of the roof. With a flip of her wrist, debris was kicked up towards her opponent, sending Ranma flying back into a steel ventalation shaft sticking up from the building.  
  
"Ooooh," the redhead slumped to the ground, shaking the cobwebs from her head as she heard the elder chuckle.  
  
"So, now it appears that our aquaintance shall come to an end," Haun Tao snapped her snake cane back, causing it to form back into it's standard shape, "FINAL ATTACK; ROLLING FIRE!"  
  
The elder's cane snapped foward, and extended along the ground. As soon as it connected, it rolled towards the dazed girl, while building up friction as it progressed. Eventually, a wheel of fire was upon the startled Ranma.  
  
The area of impact exploded brilliantly, kicking up debris and leaving a small area of destruction in it's wake. The Amazon warriors cheered in their victory over the cursed redhead that almost destroyed their culture, all exept one.  
  
Haun Tao's eyes narrowed in anger, and she looked to the ground, and struck it with her cane at an angle towards where Ranma had been. The snake cane extended into the the roof, and burrowed itself viciously.  
  
The Amazons quit cheering at the sound of steel being rent, and the elder jerked her whip back, which caused the steel vent to explode. She pulled her weapon out of the ground, along with a supremely surprised redhead.  
  
"You are a hundred years too young if you think you could escape me!" Haun Tao said with narrowed and blazing eyes, "Fool."  
  
"Uh, you had to admit, I was pretty close there!" Ranma stated nervously. The Amazon Elder held Ranma by the shirt lapels, and started to gather her ki for another final attack, where she could witness the redhead's demise in plain sight.  
  
The night sky went white with a potent fury, and even Haun Tao was thrown back from the awesome might of the attack.  
  
"LEAVE MY SWEET RANMA ALONE!!!" The Ashura growled in a trio of unearthly voices. The Amazons backed up in fright of the powerful being that cradled the near unconcious redhead in her six arms.  
  
"By what right does the Ashura Tribe protect this mortal?" the old woman challenged, feeling anger at the girl's cursed luck.  
  
"I... SHE IS MY BETROTHED, AND ANY HARM UPON HER WILL BRING YOU MY WRATH!!!"  
  
"Oh...dear," Haun Tao whispered, their mission just became that much more complicated.  
  
Giving glares to all the surrounding girls, the demi-goddess blasted herself back to the Nerima district.  
_____________________________________  
  
"Sounds like you had a pretty eventful night!" Dr. Tofu stated, as he finished correcting the pressure points Happosai had activated on Ranma.  
  
"Yeah, well, I just lead an interesting life," Ranma replied. He had told the doctor what had happened, although an edited version. Rouge had changed herself and Ranma back to their natural forms before she brought him to the clinic she had noticed earlier, and the owner was more than happy to assist when he discovered Ranma's affiliation with the Tendous.  
  
"Really, I'd like to hear about it some time. But I think you're okay to go on home now, it's getting pretty late."  
  
"Yeah, I...*yawn*... I've had a long day, thanks for the fix-up, doc!"  
  
"You're more than welcome, Ranma. Bye now!"  
  
Fortunatly he had gently insisted that Rouge go on home without him, she would most likely not listen to him, but at least he would get some time alone to think things through. The pigtailed boy was totally waisted from his ordeal, and wanted nothing more than to just fall and die in bed, a late dinner be damned. He flexed his right hand, nodding in satisfaction at the tingle that was passing through it and his leg, signaling their eventual return to full functionality. By morning, they would be fine.  
  
Ranma walked around the corner, to find Rouge tied to the lightpost... with pantyhose.  
  
"Hello, 'dear'."  
  
::SPLASH::  
  
That is... if Ranma ever made it to morning... 


	16. Chapter 15; 'Running around with Scissor...

Ranma 1/2  
Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
Ranma sighed, as he looked at the hulking behemoth, "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache." The gigantic beast's eyes grew wide, and it began a series of furious bellows.  
  
Ranma blinked, and then frowned, "That was uncalled for. You're sleeping on the couch for that one, mister." The pigtailed boy retorted, right before evading a massive fist that pulverized the concrete where he was standing.  
  
Ranma ran down the street, while being chased by the flying creature, "We need to have these conversations in private, you want the whole neighborhood to know our business?" Ranma ducked under his 'husband's divebomb, "Geez, do you always have to be so bull headed?"  
  
Pantihose Saotome landed heavily in front of the pigtailed boy, and roared with his fists raised.  
  
"Uh, can you change back? My neck hurts from having to crane it to look at you." Not caring for the pun possibly, the beast brought down both fists towards the seemingly oblivious young man. He raised his fists, and found no gooey, mushy mess.  
  
"Hey! You didn't even save me some!" Ranma's irritated voice stated from closer to the other Saotome's waist, holding his empty cold water gourd, "Really, If I don't change, people are gonna look at us funny again!"  
  
Pantihose-Saotome's eyes became blood red, as all reason fled. Name change or not, Femboy was *DEAD*!!! The large beast brought his fists in to crush Ranma against his waist, and managed to crush a couple of other things instead.  
  
"You know?" Ranma said, sitting on his husband's shoulder, "Even though you constantly acting eel with me, you'll always be my Mr. Bully Bull." Ranma blinked when he realised he was apparently being ignored, at the bulging wide eyes of the beast, as they threatened to pop out of his head, and looked down to see what the problem was.  
  
"Now see? If you had saved me some water, I could have helped you with that..."  
____________________________________  
  
"Really, Sis," Nabiki started with a condensending tone, "The ceiling light won't support your weight foerever, you know?"  
  
"JUST GET THAT DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Akane screamed, while just barely pulling her backside away from the leaping rabbits anxious buck teeth. Bunny paused, before getting a sinister gleam in its eye, and rushed to a wall.  
  
::SHING::  
  
The rabbit seemed to snicker as it inspected its claws.  
  
"SHING? WHAT JUST WENT SHING?" Akane demanded frantically, looking for wherever the sociopathic pet ran off to.  
  
"Do you really want to know?" Nabiki asked with some amusement in her voice, "Hey, that's a pretty smart rabbit."  
  
"WHAT? WHAT IS IT..." Akane trailed off, as she saw Bunny scale the wall with its claws, and then attach itself to the ceiling, "*Whimper*!"  
  
"Honestly, I thought martial artists were supposed to have a backbone!" the middle Tendou daughter chided, while standing on the sofa and plucking the feral rabbit off the ceiling by the scruff of its neck.  
  
The outraged rabbit turned its attentions to its captive, roaring and flailing its claws dangerously. Nabiki looked unamused.  
  
::SMACK!::  
  
"Bad Bunny! No!" The middle Tendou sister shouted, after smacking the rabbit on the top of its head. Her captive stared back at her incredulously.  
  
"Na-Nabiki..." Akane whispered. Her sister just became her new hero.  
  
"Now that you've calmed down, let's go get you something to eat. I can do with a snack myself," Nabiki carried the rabbit by its scruff to the kitchen, while it stared forward incredulously.  
____________________________________  
  
"Please stop, you're embarrasing me," Ranma commanded with a chagrined tone, as he watched Pantihose Saotome bellow in pain, while hopping around on one hoof and holding onto the other one in pain.  
  
"If I had known you were so accident prone, I wouldn't have married you, you jerk!"  
  
The beast turned an enraged eye towards the other Saotome, and swung its heavy fist in a backhand after the pigtailed boy. Ranma casually leapt over the swing, and turned to the sound of a fist striking metal.  
  
Mr. Bully Bull's muscles locked up, as was usual when thousands of watts were being forcefed through your body.  
  
"Somebody lives there, you know?" Ranma said, dissapprovingly, "If I had known you were also so destructive... you have any other issues we better address?"  
  
The beast was too busy trying to unclench its jaw to reply.  
  
"Comon, I'm your spouse, you can tell me," Ranma stated in a caring voice.  
____________________________________  
  
"So..." Haun Tao started gravely, "The Ashura was nothing more than a charleton?"  
  
"Yes, I watched as she changed forms, along with the redhead. She's the young man with the pigtail we had seen earlier every so often while chasing her."  
  
"They decieved us," the elder stated factually, "This is..." she picked up a book, and looked for the proper word, "This is wack. Perhaps this dawn, we'll eliminate both threats to our existance."  
  
"If you feel that best, honored Elder," Shampoo replied respectfully, while examing her butterfly sword with an intentful eye.  
  
"Soon, honor shall be restored to the Amazons, at Ranma's expense." All the Amazon warriors cheered patriotically.  
____________________________________  
  
"How.. ugh... in the world did you get yourself suck in there?" Ranma questioned, gritting his teeth as he attempted to help pull the gigantic beast out of the manhole it was lodged in up to its waist, "You are such a clutz!"  
  
Pantihose Saotome was beyond enraged now, as he silently fumed from his prone position. His usually analytical mind developed one track that looped over and over, "MURDER, DEATH, KILL."  
  
"I know!" Ranma proclaimed, "I'll be back, I'm gonna go get some butter. That should help you slide right out!" Ranma bounded off, right as a large Mack truck turned the corner. The large beast snapped out of its mantra, to gap at it with wide eyes.  
  
"YO! PANTIHOSE! WATCH OUT FOR THAT..."  
  
Ranma sighed, as he looked at the furrow that was dug in the road by his husband, and then to the flying object that soared over the horizon, "You know? What would a mack truck be doing on a city street?" The pigtailed boy mused, "Come to think of it, we could have just used hot water to shrink him..."  
____________________________________  
  
Nabiki tossed the bits of chopped up carrots to the rabbit, as it skillfully caught and nashed without remourse. Nabiki had to admit, Bunny was being uncharactoristically tame; she hoped she didn't hit it too hard.  
  
"What's with the sudden change? I didn't think rabies wore off, just like that," she quipped with a curious amusement. Bunny stared at her with glossy crimson red eyes with pink irises that made Nabiki slightly nausious at the cutesy limit being illegally exeeded. Truthfully, the look was making her slightly nervous also.  
  
"Would you quit looking at me like that?" the Tendou daughter snapped, finally, "it's sickening!" In reply, Bunny hopped up onto her bed, and into her lap. Once settled, it gave a sigh, and dropped it's head to rest.  
  
Nabiki blinked a couple of times at the pet's suddenly peculiar behavior, while absently stroking its fur.  
  
"Wierd."  
____________________________________  
  
Ranma sat on the wall, patiently waiting, while kicking his legs against his perch. The sound of thundering hooves taking slow, stead, purposeful, and outright angry steps was nearing him, signaling the return of his spouse.  
  
Ranma turned to glare at the black silouette of a beast that was glowing with a bright violet battle aura that rivaled most electric plants in energy generated, "Took you long enough! You know how long I've been waiting? It's almost time for dinner, you know?"  
  
Pantihose Saotome's eyes were almost pupiless; dilating to the size of pinpricks. All meaning was lost to his mind, exept for one general purpose, homicide.  
  
Without a cry, or any fanfair, the giant monster brought back its fist, and aimed it at the pigtailed boy that stared curiously at him. Right as the punch was about to be launched, the beast fell flat on its face in exhaustion.  
  
Ranma tsked at the state of the creature, and dowsed it with hot water it had recovered during his weight. Once the other Saotome shifted back to his natural form, the pigtailed boy picked him up, and slung him over his shoulder, starting for home.  
____________________________________  
  
"Ranma, you almost missed dinner," Kasumi replied, and the spied the bundle Ranma was carrying on his shoulder, "Oh my, who's this?"  
  
"Oh, someone I have an obligation to," Ranma replied off-handedly.  
  
"Obligation, what kind?" Akane asked, looking into the hall.  
  
"Oh, to have and to hold, during sickness and health..." Ranma recited casually, as he carried the unconcious young man on his shoulder up to his room. Akane and Kasumi looked at each other curiously.  
____________________________________  
  
Somewhere in Nerima...  
  
"RANMA SAOTOME! I SWEAR I WILL FIND THIS TENDOU DOJO BEFORE DAWN, AND MAKE YOU PAY!!!!"  
____________________________________  
  
Somewhere else in Nerima...  
  
"You little puke, by dawn, I swear there won't be enough of you to fill an A-cup." The shriveled old martial artist let his battle aura flair in anger and warning.  
____________________________________  
  
Yet somewhere else in Nerima...  
  
Haun Tao looked up, as she sensed the powerful battle aura, but ignored it for the task at hand, "Yes, young warriors, perpare yourselves for the final glorious confrontation against the great enemy of the Amazon nation! We attack at Dawn."  
____________________________________  
  
A gas station in Nerima...  
  
"Yeah, high grade petrol please. Only the best to flambe Ranma Saotome..." Stated the young man wearing a trenchcoat to the gas station attendant.  
____________________________________  
  
Just outside Nerima...  
  
"BREATHERN, WE HAVE ARRIVED ON HOLY GROUND!"   
____________________________________  
  
A bit closer to the Tendou Dojo...  
  
"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE UNTIE ME!" Screamed an upset Hindu girl that was bound to a light pole. 


	17. Chapter 16; 'Running around with Scissor...

Ranma 1/2  
Tender Loving Care  
  
  
  
  
"Ranma..." Ryoga's whisper didn't even cause the pigtailed boy in front of him to stir, "Hey, Ranma, get up an fight me!"  
  
Ryoga was becoming fustrated with the lack of response he was recieving, and decided that a fist into the other young man's skull would be a bit more effective. He brought his fist up, and thrust it down towards the seemingly sleeping rival, only to have it caught firmly and held steadily in a powerful grip.  
  
"You have five second to explain why you're attacking me in my sleep," A hostile voice commanded.  
  
"I'll have my revenge against you, Saotome, now get up and fight me!"  
  
"Sure, now before I get up and beat you into a large mess, tell me what the Hell I ever did to you?"  
  
"What?" Ryoga asked incredulously, "You DARE ask that question? Because of you, I've seen HELL!!!"  
  
"Sounds lovely, but that doesn't answer my question," The figure's grip grew tighter on Ryoga's hand, uncomfortably tighter.  
  
"You're the one to blame, Saotome! Since I was chasing you all over China, I ended up with this horrible curse!"  
  
"Lemme guess, Jusenkyo?"  
  
"And for that, I'll MAKE SURE YOU PAY!!!!" Ryoga brought his other fist towards his rival's face, only to have it caught also.  
  
::SMACK!!!::  
  
"[CUT OUT THE DAMN RACKET!]" Read the sign that smacked both martial artists out the window.   
________________________________  
  
"What was that?" Akane asked, sitting up in her bed.  
  
"Probably just Pop, he tends to make a lot of racket during the night," Ranma-chan replied, "Oh, and thanks again for letting me stay in your room for tonight. It's nice to have somewhere to sleep that doesn't have heavy verberation from a large panda's snoring.  
  
"Right, just don't do anything perverted, or I'll make you sorry!" Akane frowned a bit in the dark, "Though, I would like to make sure..."  
  
"Akane...?" Kasumi's voice enquired from outside the door, "I... I think we have burglars..."  
  
"Alright, Akane, I'll go make sure," Ranma volinteered, "It's the least I can do as a guest.  
________________________________  
  
  
Ryoga's head caught a second sign that was thrown, and read it out loud, "I've had enough of your crap when we were on the road, you ungrateful brat. Lemme get at least ONE..." Ryoga flipped the sign over, "Night of sleep!"  
  
"What the hell is this?" The pigtailed boy growled, reaching to the back of his head, and pulling off the pigtail.  
  
"Ranma? You even wear a clip on pigtail?" Ryoga asked with a raised eyebrow, before his voice turned smug, "I always knew you were a fake."  
  
"I'm not Ranma, you dimwit!" The other young man turned to face Ryoga.  
  
"Huh? Who are you?"  
  
"Obviously not the center of your universe," Pantyhose Saotome growled, as he dusted himself off, "But first, I'm going to kick the living daylights outta you until the sun don't need to be shining, and then I'm going to repeat the action on whoever blindsided me out of that room."  
  
"Wait," Ryoga requested, "What were you doing in Ranma's bed anyhow?"  
  
"LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE!" A redhead screeched out, slamming a dumbell into Ryoga's head. Ranma-chan landed on top of the down boy, and faced her spouce, "He didn't hurt you any, did he, hunny-bun?"  
  
At the pet name, Pantyhose Saotome's face cracked into a crooked and irritated expression, and his fingers curled and twitched like they were looking for something to grip firmly; the young lady's throat aught to suit his needs nicely.  
  
Ranma-chan turned around and ducked, just before the two hands enclosed around her neck, "BAD MAN! BAD MAN!" She called out, while stomping on Ryoga's head several times. The pigtailed girl turne around and rose up quickly, 'accidentally' ramming the top of her forehead into the other Saotome's chin, sending him flying back a few feet on his back.  
  
"Owww, that hurt!" Ranma whined while rubbing her forehead, and then rushed over to the dazed young man, "Honey, are you all..." The redhead looked up at the familiar sound of a fuse burning, as it was headed towards her. Her eyes grew wide as she realized the sound of how much air was being displaced by the object's approach.  
  
Happosai was thoroughly pissed this time.  
  
With a burst of all the speed she was capable, Ranma abandoned the two unconcious boys from the back yard, and high-tailed it. She didn't look back as the whole back yard of the Tendou home went supernova.  
  
"RUN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN RANMA! IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! YOU'RE A CORPSE WALKING! YOU HEAR ME! A CORPSE!!!!" Demon-Happosai bellowed in a ki voice that sounded over the neighborhood.  
  
And Run, Ranma did. She knew even attempting to deal with him at his current level of agitation was suicidal, en optimism. She even suspected that staying in Tokyo, if even Japan, was just making it more convenient to have her death warrent fulfilled. She rationalized, with the bank account she had built under her Pop's name, the US was a nice, LARGE continent to explore thoroughly, without letting anyone know where she was.  
  
Her musing was stopped, as she twisted from an arrow that almost impailed her foot. Ranma-chan landed in a slide, right at the feet of Haun Tao.  
  
"Hello, Ranma," the elder stated with a voice that was capable of chizeling a tombstone.  
  
"Would love to stay and chat, but I have a psychotic former-perverted martial arts master after me," The girl replied, "It's kinda urgent business that I get the Hell outta dodge."  
  
"Agreed," The ancient Amazon stated, "I can feel whoever's aura that is approaching slowly, I think they want to take their time with your demise. Unfortunatly, that would also conflict with our own priorities."  
  
"Um, I thought you didn't want the wrath of an all powerful war-goddess on your hands. I guess you're not that fond of your culture surviving as I thought," Ranma replied smugly, knowing the woman would back up at the implied threat.  
  
"Oh, you mean this one?" Ashura rose from behind the house that was in back of Haun Tao; her aura blazing bright enough to make it seem like dawn approaching, "We found her in a rather... tempermental state after being left tied to a light pole." Ranma's eyes followed the Elderly Woman's to the War Goddess's face, "As you can see, she's anxiously awaiting an outlet to her fustration."  
  
"Uh... hi... Rouge?" the redhead ventured, already knowing she would not like the reply, especially since The elderly lady had already evacuated the general area.  
  
"DIE!" Ashura growled, and hurled a fireball about two meters in diameter at Ranma. The redhead launched herself towards it, and at the last minute, twisted out of its path. She landed on the roof under the war goddess, and sprinted forward. When she got to the edge of the roof, she windmilled her arms to stop her from falling over. On the ground before her, awaited the whole Amazon hunting party that was sent out for her, looking up at the redhead expectantly...  
________________________________  
  
Genma and the Tendous looked into the backyard from the porch, or rather, the large pit that was left in place of their backyard, with two bodies inhabiting it.  
  
"Only the master could wreak devistation so terrible," Soun stated somberly, fortunately, a part of the yard that held the dojo was still intact, though it left little consolation in his mind.  
  
"Well, Daddy," Nabiki stated with a yawn, "We just cut the cost for a swimming pool by a great deal.  
  
"What in the world happened here?" Akane asked, "and where's Ranma?"  
  
"Rannnnnmmmaaaa.... I'll... k-kill..." The family was drawn to the horse voice of one of the young men, crawling out from the crater.  
  
"Water... need... water..." the other one groaned. Kasumi went into the house to oblige their guest.  
________________________________  
  
"Oooooohhhhh Rannnnnnnmmmmmmaaaaaa-channnnnnnnn," A withered voice as old and as deep as the void called to the redhead; Happosai was upon her. Making a hard decision, she jumped down into the crowd of Amazons, that were caught completely by surprise at the girl's tactic, allowing her to push a good ways through before the bomb landed behind her.  
  
Several Amazons went airborne, which caused confusion and panic in the rest that were not injured. Taking advantage of it, Ranma leapt onto another roof, and outran the trail of flame that was drawing close to her. She sharply turned, and jumped down, hoping to lose them all at street level. A cross-intercepting burst of flame cut off her escape. Ranma was surprised that Rouge managed to keep up with her.  
  
"Oh... oh geez, no you..." Ranma whispered nervously. This maniac was the LAST one she wanted to deal with tonight  
  
"Howdy," greeted the handsome young man wearing a trench coat and a compact propane tank to his back. In his hands, he held two flamethrowers shaped like six-shooters.  
  
"I... didn't expect you tonight," Ranma gulped, "You aren't still mad, are ya?"  
  
"Na, *boy*," the other replied, "I'm not mad. I reckon I'm downright LIVID!!!!" With that, he opened fire. Ranma-chan started to run backwards away from the chasing flame, before she ran into something un-yeilding; it felt a bit lumpy to be a wall.  
  
The pigtailed girl looked up, right into the eyes of her dear transformed husband. In one massive hand, he held a boulder up high.  
  
"Looks like you're bull friend there want's ta tenderize you before we flambe ya."  
  
Right before the huge rock descended on the girl, Ranma dashed between Pantyhose Saotome's legs, climbed onto his back, and leapt onto another roof. As soon as her feet touched down, several balls of flame and various weaponry slammed into the spot she had only a split second to evade. Even as she managed so, Ranma had to twist out of the way of a stream of flame and cooking cutlery. Unfortunately, Ranma couldn't evade the huge rock that connected with her dead on.  
  
"Nice shoot'n," the Texan in the trenchcoat complimented the massive bull creature. It just snorted, and pulled another chunk of road from the ground, while the other young man pulled a few more knives from his trench coat.  
________________________________  
  
Happosai was the first to arrive at the area that Ranma had landed, and without any hesitation, pummeled the lot with bombs. After he finished to his satisfaction, he growled at the 'bush' that was trying to subtly sneak away.  
  
Ranma was forced to abandon the bush he was using for cover, when a fireball impacted with it, igniting it, "THERE YOU ARE!!!!! FEEL MY WRATH!"  
  
"Excuse me, people," Ranma shouted, exasperatedly, "if you have a grievence with me, it would be beneficial for all of us if we settled this like civilized people." Ranma barely dodged the Amazon weapons, fireballs, flame streak, steak knives, boulder, and Happo-fire burst that descended upon him at the same time.  
________________________________  
  
"What did Ranma do to you that was so bad?" Akane asked. She herself didn't have anything against him, since he was always nice and polite to her; totally unlike any of the boys she had ever met before.  
  
"He made my life HELL! That's what he did!" Ryoga growled, as he pulled his cover tighter over himself.  
  
"[And you expect sympathy from whom?]" read the panda's sign. He lived with the boy, so whatever minor slight Ryoga felt had been wronged upon him was trivial at best.  
  
"Well, we may be a bit more sympathetic to you if you would tell us what he did to you," Nabiki stated, wanting the story so she could get back to bed.  
  
"I... I can't tell you my shame!" Ryoga pleaded, thrusting his hand toward them in sorrow, and catching a glass of water.  
  
Genma-Panda screamed like death was coming for him, and ran through a wall, while the rest of the family was too stunned to notice.  
________________________________  
  
Haun Tao hopped down into the lot, and found not trace of the redhead, "i swear, that girl's human instinct for survival will never cease to amaze me."  
  
"THERE HE GOES!" one of the Amazon women cried out in Mandarin. Everyone took off in pursuit like a charging army; those who could take to the air did so, while the rest ran through the streets, and the remaining took to the rooftops.  
  
"Notgoodnotgoodnotgoodnotgood..." Ranma kept chanting to herself, and glanced back to see Pantyhose Saotome and Ashura almost upon him. In unison, the former launched another boulder, while the latter threw another massive fireball.  
  
Ranma darted out of the way of the fireball, right into the rock, and shattered it with a punch. In the time Ranma was distracted, Rouge circled around, and attempted to divebomb her target. Ranma dropped and rolled out of the way, and shot to her feet before she was crushed by another rock. Unfortunately, she couldn't hold her balance, and was sent tumbling into the house.  
  
She landed in a couple's bedroom as they stared incredulously at the hole that just appeared in their roof, and then at the redhead that fell inbetween them.  
  
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Ranma apologised, and then took off for the door. She arrived at the front entrance of the house, and opened it to about ten Amazons grinning at her.  
  
"Ranma come out and play now, yes?" Shampoo asked, and then thrust her bonbori at the girl's head. Ranma leapt back, and rushed for the back entrance, finding it blocked by the lower half of a bovine beast. She slammed the door, and turned away, just as one of the windows shattered in, due to a projectile with a lit fuse.  
  
Ranma quickly picked up the bomb, and opened the back door, "Holdthisformeasec." After the massive hands took the object, Ranma slammed the door again. She was blown forth with the door against her back still from the force of the blast; and when she recovered, she stepped over the large body, and made a break for it.  
  
Rouge spotted her again, and took off in pursuit. Ranma frantically looked around for an escape, and found a large pond that just may do the trick.  
  
"THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN! YOU'LL BE DEAD BEFORE THE COMING DAWN!!!!" shouted Ashura, right as she threw a fireball into the pond Ranma dove into.  
  
"HA!" was the only part of the attack she heard, as a water cyclone headed straight for her. The now male Ranma watched, as the water tornado engulfed her, changing Rouge from her goddess form. Once the massive aura of Ashura that was being used to fuel the Hiryuu Shoten Ha was subverted, everything came crashing down. Ranma caught the angered young lady, and ignored the water and the other massive falling body.  
  
The Amazons landed in the yard, just to see Ranma running away. Their pursuit was cut off by a thoroughly agitated aligator.  
________________________________  
  
"Hmm, Mr. Turtle seems rather ramboungious tonight."  
  
"Indeed mistress, perhaps he found another prowler?"  
  
Kodachi paused at the femenine screams, "It appears so."  
________________________________  
  
Rouge impotently pounded on Ranma's head, "Lemme go! Who are you and where's the infernal redhead?"  
  
"What happened? You don't love me anymore?" Ranma asked with mock hurt.  
  
"Lo-love?" Rouge replied in nervous question, "Who-who are you?"  
  
Ranma's suspicions were all but confirmed, "You mean... you've forgotten about me? I... hurt!"  
  
"I... I didn't... who are you?" Ranma gulped, if this didn't work, he was going to be in more trouble than before; not that it wasn't going to get him into trouble in the long run.  
  
"Maybe this will jog your memory," Ranma planted a heavy kiss onto Rouge's lips, hoping the tactic would at least favor her to him again, if she really had feelings for him.  
  
Rouge's eyes went wide, and then the slowly closed, as she sunk into the kiss. Inwardly, Ranma grinned, as he gained one ally back. His internal celebraction was cut short, as his legs were snagged by a an extended snake cane.  
  
"Brilliant, Ranma, you managed to foil the Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu with a rather... unorthodox method," Haun Tao complimented, "Now, the chase is over, time to get iced, Foo'."  
  
"AT LAST, MY BREATHERN! OUR SAVIOR HAS BEEN FOUND!!!!" Ranma couldn't have been happier to hear that zealot's voice.  
  
"Oh, ancestors, not those idiots again," Haun Tao groaned. Victory was in her grasp, however, and she... screamed at the empty chain.  
  
Ranma ran with Rouge holding onto him tightly, and came to a screeching halt at the sight of Happosai, Pantyhose Saotome, and Creed standing before him.  
  
"End of the road, pard'ner," Creed stated, "ya ready to die crispy?"  
  
"Waitaminute," Ranma requested quickly, "Who's gonna kill me?"  
  
"ME!" all three of them shouted at once (well, one bellowed, actually, but Ranma understood what he said), and then looked at each other.  
  
"Husband dear," Ranma cooed, gaining curious looks from Creed and Happosai, while the giant yeti-ox-crane-eel began to fume hot, "If I die, you're never get your name changed."  
  
"Husband?" Rouge enquired with a curiously and unnerved lilt.  
  
"Just trust me on this, okay?" Ranma whispered back to her, and subtly pinched a nerve to remove her from conciousness. The beast growled and moaned in reply. "I don't think it would be worth it, going through life all alone, with a name like that. I mean, I'm the only one that sympathizes with you!"  
  
Both Happosai and Creed backed away from their third partner subtly, while giving him a sideways accusing glance. "Hey! Why you looking at him like that?" Ranma enquired with a curious tone.  
  
"Er... no, no reason," Creed quickly tried to placate, earning a furious snort from the massive creature. Pantyhose Tarou slammed his fist towards the Texan, only to have him dive back, and fire a stream of flame. Both the beast, and Happosai, were caught. Happosai's already made Happo fire Bursts were also caught by the flame.  
________________________________  
  
The Amazons were forced to fall back under the zealous attack of the robed men that easily outnumbered them and were fanatic enough to outfight them. They retreated to their current base of operations, so that they could defend better.  
  
As they did so, Haun Tao cursed Ranma for all she was worth.  
  
"WE SHALL FELL THESE SHE-DEMONS THAT WISH TO HARM ARE MESSIAH!" Arch-Bishop Joe shouted, "READY MORE OF THE BLESSED MOTOLOV COCTAILS OF RITIOUSNESS!"  
________________________________  
  
Rouge woke up to Ranma untying her from a light post in the wee hours of dawn, "Huh? Ranma?"  
  
"Shhh, you've been out here a while," Ranma replied, unwinding the pantyhose from the other girl, "Let's get back, I need some sleep."  
  
Rouge nodded and walked with Ranma back to the dojo. She thought about the dream she had, the sweet dream where she felt Ranma's lips against hers, and wished it to be reality. Also, in the back of her mind, she wondered why Ranma was so singed and beat up.  
  
Ranma retired to the guest room, and collapsed from exhaustion. Five minutes later, the alarm sounded.  
  
It was going to be a long school day. 


	18. Chapter 17; 'Fan, meet Fecies'

Ranma 1/2  
'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
  
  
Ranma-chan walked lethergically into the dining room, drawing the attentions of everyone seated, exept Genma. Food hadn't been served yet, it was just that since his child was home intact, what he got last night, he deserved.  
  
"Ranma, are you okay?" Kasumi asked concernadly, "You look awful."  
  
Ranma gave her a sleep strained smile, "Just peachy." She sat down, and her head almost collided with the plate in front of her, as her head slumped forward. Akane managed to catch the girl by the back of her shirt before she cracked the plate with her head.  
  
"I don't suppose your previous nights activities had anything to do with the crater we now have for a back yard, did they?" Nabiki alluded, glancing sideways at the tired redhead.  
  
"'S okay, 's okay," Ranma placated, and then slumped onto Akane's shoulder. The raven-haired girl got up out of her seat a bit to sit Ranma back up again. Kasumi managed to produce a cup of coffee from somewhere, and handed it to Ranma with her usual smile. The pigtailed girl blinked, and then smiled back at the eldest Tendou daughter in gratitude, "Thanks Kasumi."  
  
"I suppose it may be best if you stayed home today, seeing as how you aren't feeling too well," Kasumi considered.  
  
"NO! Er, no," Genma interjected, "It... um, wouldn't look good if he were to miss a day of school after just enrolling so soon, would it?"  
  
"Quite correct, Saotome," Soun added, "I'm sure Ranma can survive the day."  
  
Ranma gained enough energy to give a baleful glare to her father that promised retaliation later on. But in the meantime, she needed to conserve what little she had. Akane was the first to get up from the table, and went to get the homework off her desk she almost forgot, as everyone else continued to finish. Ranma leaned over, and retrieved something from where Akane had been sitting, neatly folded it, and then put it into her pocket.  
  
  
After breakfast, Ranma left with Nabiki, while Akane went to finish preparing to leave. Kasumi raised an eyebrow, as she noticed how close Ranma was standing to Nabiki. She shrugged, and went back to clearing the plates from the table. She came to where Akane and Ranma were sitting and sniffed the air.  
  
"I wonder who had coacoa?"  
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The coffee she had only went so far, and Ranma-chan unintentionally found herself relying on Nabiki's shoulder for support.  
  
The middle Tendou sister rolled her eyes, "Honestly, Ranma, you shouldn't have been up playing all night, especially when you had school in the morning."  
  
Ranma was about to snap back that she wasn't intending to do so, but noticed that they had arrived at Furinkan High. The pigtailed girl looked up towards Nabiki with sparkling eyes, "You were really worried about me?"  
  
Nabiki snorted at the ubercute display, "Well, finding are backyard reduced to a gravel pit *did* bring up a few concerns."  
  
"Wow, Nabiki really cares for Ranma, doesn't she?" One student whispered to another.  
  
"Yeah, but I guess whatever makes her happy, I'm not going to go against it," the other one replied.  
  
"Halt!" Kuno demanded of the two girls. Tears of anguish were sliding down his face, as he pointed his bokken towards Nabiki, "You... feindish seductress! Enticing this poor innocent maiden to your unnatural perversions!"  
  
Nabiki was staring irritatedly at the tip of the bokken that was shaking just a few inches from the tip of her nose, and then turned her annoyed expression to Kuno, "What in the world are you babbling about? Kuno?"  
  
"To think that you have twisted the poor pigtailed girl's emotions so that she is enticed by the charms of the fairer sex..."  
  
Nabiki had to smirk at that, "Well, I can honestly say I had nothing to do with her orientat..." Nabiki's eyes went wide in realization. She took a quick look around the school yard, and saw the expressions of everyone around. She began to recall the peculiar looks she was getting when walking to school with Ranma yesterday. Nabiki was reeling, as she turned to look at Ranma-chan, who was looking at Kuno with intense annoyance, while her arm was entwined with hers.  
  
Ranma was internally growling. She wanted to keep Nabiki in the dark longer, since her oblivousness was just too darn amusing, particularly since she suspected the Tendou girl was supposed to be pretty observant. Ah well, to all good things...  
  
Kuno pointed his weapon into the air, as Nabiki quickly pulled away from the redhead, and started to choke. She now knew where Yuri had gotten ideas about her, and it's already been more than a day, so the rumors were probably all over the Furinkan district, and reached as far as St. Baccus and Koholtz by now. Also the fact that she was seen *twice* in a compomising position with the redhead. She also managed to catch the voice of one of Yuri's friends, Lezzie, she thought her name was, loud enough to be heard by a good portion of the school present...  
  
"Yuri's going to be so heartbroken."  
  
Damage control was going to be 'fun'.  
  
"YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!!!!" Nabiki spun on the redhead, with her face growing as red as the other girl's hair.  
  
"DO NOT BLAME THIS INNOCENT SPRITE FOR YOU WANTON PERVERSIONS!" Kuno Brought his bokken back over his head, wayyyyyy back, reading for the strike, "FALL, NABIKI TENDOU!!!!"  
  
Nabiki screamed, she was totally offbalance by the new revelation of what the school now percieved her as, as well as being the target for Kuno's wrath. She instinctively put her hands in front of her face, as if that were going to stop the blow coming.  
  
The kendoist's weapon started towards the girl he saught to punish, only to find it stopped suddenly, "What deviltry is this? NABIKI TENDOU! I DEMAND YOU RELEASE YOUR FOUL MAGIKS FROM MY NOBLE WEAPON!"  
  
"Geez, someone shut this guy up," Ranma drolled. She was standing behind Kuno, while holding onto one end of a fishing line that had the other end snagged to the shaft of Kuno's bokken. With a sharp tug by the redhead, Kuno's bokken slammed into his head, and it continued to do so until he lost conciousness.  
  
"Well, better get inside, nothing out here for us," With that, Ranma-chan cheerfully skipped into the school. Nabiki stood there with a pole-axed expression on her face; not hearing the hateful mantra her sister was chanting, as she ran into the school grounds for battle  
  
"I HATE BOYS I HATE BOYS I HATE... Huh?" Akane came to a stop, when she noticed all the boys were staring at Nabiki, many with slightly depressed expressions, "What happened here?"  
  
The youngest approached the fallen Kuno, while mistaking the laughs coming from behind her for those directed towards the idiot kendoist.  
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Everyone arrived from school at the same time. Nabiki quickly rushed to her room, slamming the door. Akane came in slowly, her face flushed totally red, still trying to figure out what everyone found so funny around her today. Ranma came in last, smiling brightly, "We're home!"  
  
"Hello Ranma, how was your day? I hope you weren't too tired."  
  
"Oh, no! in fact the morning was eventful enough to wake me right up!" the redhead chirped.  
  
"Akane-chan, is something wrong?" the older girl turned to her youngest sister, and flinched back a bit from the infuriated expression.  
  
"I'm going into the Dojo to break something," that left Ranma with Kasumi.  
  
"Hmm, I suppose that was Nabiki's door that slammed, she must be terribly upset about something."  
  
"I think she had a rough day at school, I tried to cheer her up, but she just wouldn't open up to me," Ranma replied with mock sullenness. Kasumi nodded, and went to check up on her dear sister.  
____________________________  
  
Akane stared, expressionless, at her school outfit. On the backside, where she sat, were two handprints. Made of chocolate she considered, which would seem pretty kinky, thinking about it. She also wagered they were about the size offffff.... Ranma's hands.  
  
Akane started to think about the scribbling that was on her face the other day, that mysteriously got there after bathing. She knew there was something familiar about it.  
  
"I'm telling you, Ranma did it on PURPOSE!" Akane's eyebrows raised, and she walked over to the wall that was between her and Nabiki's room.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki, Ranma was so tired this morning, he probably didn't realize what he was doing."  
  
"Oh, he did, Kasumi, *she* was practically hanging all over me, and she *knew* what it would do to my rep! In fact, this was the second day she's done it!"  
  
"Nabiki, don't worry, you're such a clever girl. I know you'll be able to make everyone realize that you're not a lesbian."  
  
"Fat chance! Best I can probably do with the idiots at school now is maybe get them to believe I'm bi or something. Once the rumor mill is 'confirmed', rumor becomes *law*."  
  
"Oh, then would being bi be better?" Kasumi asked, curiously.  
  
Akane slowly backed up from the wall, missing Nabiki's fustrated growl. So, Ranma fancies himself a practical joker. The raven haired girl's fury built at the thought of what Ranma had gotten away with without her noticing. Her rage just grew, and grew, until it couldn't support it's wait... and broke.  
  
Akane suddenly smiled; she suddenly didn't have the urge to vent her fustration over bricks now.  
____________________________  
  
"Well, Dinner was great, Kasumi!" Ranma stated, while patting his stomach. Soun looked between Akane and Nabiki, who were both staring at Ranma intensely. Nabiki was glaring with unveiled animosity, while Akane had a thoroughly contemplative expression. The Tendou Patriarch was not sure how he should take this. Genma appeared not to care; he already knew it was just a matter of time before Ranma upset someone.  
  
"Why thank you, Ranma," Kasumi replied, "If you don't mind, could you bring your plate into the kitchen for me?" Ranma blinked at the unusual request, but complied. He got into the kitchen, and put his dishes into the sink.  
  
"Ranma, Nabiki going to be having a difficult time at school, so she's going to need all the support she can get... is that understood?"  
  
Ranma took an involintary step back at the tone of voice Kasumi stated the last part, coupled with the boring stare she directed towards him. Her smile wasn't there at the moment, and when he noticed that also, the pigtailed boy began to squirm a bit, "Uh... I guess."  
  
"Good, because she is going to need a mature *young man* such as you can be," Kasumi turned away, obviously dismissing Ranma. The pigtailed boy looked a bit shaken, and turned to leave, "Oh, and Ranma?"  
  
The boy stopped, and took a slight gulp, "Ye-yes, Kasumi?"  
  
"Nabiki would also appreciate it if you didn't invade her personal space when going to school or during it. It's probably not your fault, but it's complicating matters."  
  
"Ah... okay..." Ranma walked woodenly out of the kitchen. As he arrived back in the dining room, Akane stood up, and unrolled a measuring tape. Ranma blinked, as the girl took his height measurements. Once she was done, she nodded in satisfaction.  
  
"Um, what was that all about?" Ranma enquired, gaurdedly.  
  
"Uh... school uniform. You're going to need one, you know?" With that, Akane left Ranma scratching his head.  
____________________________  
  
In the kitchen, Kasumi sighed. Ranma was polite, but his actions were questionable. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, she did, particularly since he was a guest to her family's hospitality, but he could cause serious problems in the long run. Wether he was doing it unwittingly or not was beside the point. If he managed to irritate the one person that really be a problem...  
  
"Oh mother," Kasumi whispered, "give me strength..." 


	19. Chapter 18; 'The Brat Wars' Pt 1

Ranma 1/2; Tender Loving Care  
'The Brat Wars' Part 1  
  
  
  
Genma awoke with a yawn, and looked towards the still sleeping Ranma. Since he had missed his sleep last night, it would be a while yet before he awakens. Genma couldn't think of any other blessing for the morning.  
  
Genma took care not to wake Ranma, and tiptoed to the door. With careful ease, he slid open the door. Genma smirked to himself, he could still get one over the boy, yet. A frank argument towards that came in the form of something wooden impacting with his chin.  
  
Ranma groaned, and sat up with a baleful glare towards his father, "Pop, it's the weekend, why don't you just let me sleep, damn it?"  
  
Genma took out one of the wooden signs he used while in his panda form, and as he was rolling around on the ground, writhing in agony and spitting out teeth, he set it on the ground and wrote on it with his free hand.  
  
"[Pardon my screams of utter pain, Son, I sincerely don't know what HELL came over me,]" Ranma sniffed at the sincerity that was written into the sign. He turned to the door, and noticed the mallet hanging upside down on a hinge at about his height.  
  
"Huh? Who put that there?" the pigtailed boy enquired, curiously.  
  
"Mr. Saotome, I heard the commotion and..." Kasumi came up the stairs, and saw the spring action mallet that had been set to launch when the door opened, "Oh... R-Ranma... did you by chance have anything to do with this?"  
  
"Nope, not my style," Ranma commented casually, "Some piece of work, though, but blunt instruments aren't my thing. Uh, Kasumi, are you okay?" Ranma asked, noticing the eldest Tendou daughter paled, and started to jibber.  
  
"What's not your... style?" Nabiki paused, as seeing the trap that was above Ranma's door. She turned with pleading, hopeful eyes towards Ranma, and he shook his head negative. Suddenly, Nabiki found herself having trouble getting air, and braced herself against the wall across from the doorway of the guest room.  
  
Just then, Akane walked out of her room, still wearing her pajamas, but looking rather chipper. She paused, when she noticed her sisters, and then turned to Ranma. The pigtailed boy noticed a flash of dissappointment that crossed the girl's eyes when she saw him, and looked past him to see Genma still rolling on the ground, cradling his jaw. "Good morning, Ranma," Akane greeted, though her tone had lost the sanguine tone she had originally felt, "What did you do to my sisters?"  
  
Ranma shrugged, "I didn't do nutt'n. They just started act'n weird when I told them that I didn't do this!"  
  
Akane frown then turned back into a perky smile, "Oh, I guess that's alright then. I wonder what Kasumi's making for breakfast this morning?" Akane bounced downstairs, while her sisters were still babbling and hyperventilating. Ranma blinked and the peculiar situation.  
______________________  
  
Nabiki and Kasumi watched Akane intensely, as their sister obliviously ate her breakfast. Genma had a wrap around his head for his injured jaw, and sullenly drank the soup he was given for breakfast with a straw. Every so often he would turn to glare at Ranma, who was looking between Nabiki and Kasumi, and Akane with a puzzled expression.  
  
"Um, is everything okay?" Ranma asked, with some concern. Nabiki and Kasumi jumped at the question.  
  
"Yes girls, you're acting rather peculiar this morning, is there anything amiss?"  
  
"We... can discuss it later, father," Kasumi replied with a very tense voice, glancing sideways at her youngest sister.  
  
"Kasumi, what's wrong? You can tell all of us," Akane urged with a concerned expression, as she set her rice bowl down.  
  
"Ah... it's.. nothing really important, Akane, don't worry about it," Nabiki replied, much quicker than she usually spoke.  
  
"No, something's up," Ranma challenged, "what has you guys so nervous about that mallet that was hanging over my door?" Soun paused, and slowly turned his head towards his daughters. They nodded back slowly in confirmation.  
  
"Well," Soun stated in a happy tone, "I think you girls are old enough to take care of yourselves for a while. Say, Saotome, how about we take a training trip... a nice... *long* training trip?"  
  
Genma looked at Soun with a grousing expression, and then pulled out a sign, "[What's going on?]"  
  
Soun pulled on his back pack, and tossed another one to Genma, "Tut, tut, no time now, we best be going while it's still daylight!"  
  
"Oh no, Daddy, you're not getting away from this..." Nabiki growled at her father as she faced him, and then leaned closer to him and whispered, "Give me five minutes, so I can get packed."  
  
"Dad? You haven't been on a training trip in a while," Akane commented with a frown, and then smiled, "How about I come with you?"  
  
"NO! Er... no..." Soun replied, "It's... going to be a rough trip, yes, that's it..."  
  
"Well, I think she could use a bit of training," Ranma commented, "I mean, I hadn't seen her really practice much, after all."  
  
"Are you saying something about my skill?" Akane asked with a saccharine sweet voice. Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi's eyes turned to Ranma, and he backed away from the baleful glares he was recieving.  
  
"You..." Nabiki hissed, "You're the cause of this..."  
  
"What?" Ranma asked, wondering if he forgot something that he had set up. He hated when he did that.  
  
"Ranma... would you mind taking Akane to the store, and picking up some... non-glucose rice?" Kasumi asked with an edge in her voice.  
  
"Um... sure..." Ranma replied, "We'll get it in a little..."  
  
"Now," Kasumi commanded.  
  
"Kasumi, why now? Is it for lunch or something?" Akane asked. Kasumi jerked her head nervously towards her young sister.  
  
"A... Akane... it ju-just takes a little while to prepare. And it's n-not easy to find, so you'll have to look around for it. Many p-people haven't even heard of it, so d-don't get discouraged."  
  
"Alright, for you, Sis, anything," Akane replied with a smile, "Come on, Ranma, let's go..."  
  
"But I'm not done yet!" Ranma argued, as the raven-haired girl pulled him up by the shirt, and started towards the door. Once it was closed, Genma wondered at the unified sigh of relief that came from the remaining Tendous.  
  
"[All right, what's this all about?]"  
  
"Your son... has released a pox upon mankind!" Soun growled with anger.  
  
"[Oh that? He fixed that problem a while ago. I'm surprised you know...]" ::flip:: "[...about the tomb incident, the Korean authorities did pretty well to keep it quiet...]"  
  
"That's not what we're talking about," Nabiki answered, and then looked out to where Ranma and Akane departed, "We're in *big* trouble."  
  
"[What? What exactly did Ranma do?]"  
  
"He's aroused Akane's vengence," Kasumi said quietly.  
  
"Oh? Well then, he deserves it!" Genma stated calmly.  
  
"But, once it has started..." Soun almost whispered, "It is an all consuming wrath that even the Master would fear."  
  
"[That bad, huh?]" Genma's sign read, "[can someone pass me the salt?]".  
  
"You do not understand..." Soun put his right hand over his left eye, and, used his thumb on his left hand to press just under the eye, into the socket...  
  
"[...!...]" a shocked Genma's sign read, as the glass eye was held before him.  
  
"You know the old saying, 'it's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye', Saotome?" Soun replied with a calm tone, "Fortunately, I had practiced a great deal to make it seem as a real eye would."  
  
"Artificial hip," Nabiki commented, patting her leg, "Docters said I'd be lucky to ever walk again."  
  
"[Ah...]" Genma turned to Kasumi, just as she pulled out a set of dentures for the upper left side of her mouth. He suddenly felt that he wasn't going to like what they were about to say...  
______________________  
  
"They were acting pretty weird, don't you think?" Ranma commented towards Akane. The raven haired girl turned towards him with a blank expression.  
  
"Oh, I guess they were, haven't seen them like that in the longest time..." Akane commented oblivously, "Maybe they haven't been getting enough salt in their diet?"  
  
"Whatever," Ranma replied, "We better hurry and find this 'non-glucose' rice for Kasumi, she seemed pretty desperate for it.  
  
Akane smiled, "Come on, I know a store that carrys a lot of things. There's a shortcut through a construction yard that will just put us a hop away from it."  
  
"Oh, okay," Ranma grew a pondering expression, "Speaking of which? I haven't seen Bunny around lately..."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure the little vermin is okay," Akane answered with cheer, "Now let's go! We don't want to keep sis waiting too long!"  
______________________  
  
On Akane's desk, laid Bunny, hogtied with one end of a thick twine, while the other end was looped over her lamp, and tied loosely to the handle of a rather sharp looking knife that dangled precariously over the rabbit's face.  
  
Have you ever seen a bunny sweat before? Akane thought it was an interesting sight. 


	20. Chapter 19; 'The Brat Wars' Pt 2

Ranma 1/2; Tender Loving Care  
'The Brat Wars' part 2  
  
  
  
Genma stared in horror at Nabiki, Kasumi, and his friend Soun. With a shakey hand, he raised his sign, "[Dear Lord, you mean there's now TWO of them?!?]"  
  
Soun resignedly nodded his head, "Yes, but you fail to realize how much of a danger Akane is..."  
  
"Has she attempted to mail order nukes?]"  
  
"Er... no, but..."  
  
"[Married a guy... er, girl just to annoy the Hell out of you?]"  
  
"Not that I know of, although..."  
  
"[Torched any small villages?]"  
  
"Not recently, listen to me, Saotome..."  
  
The panda gaffawed, "[Tendou, you almost had me going there, for a minute!]"  
  
"Mr. Saotome, Ranma is *nothing* compared to Akane, especially when she's in a mad-on!" Nabiki interjected, allowing the expression of total fear of what has awakened pass across her face.  
  
The panda seemed to scoff, "[Well, if she gets out of hand, I'll just spank her!] Guffaw!"  
  
The Tendous watched the panda walk away from the table, grimly taking this time to remember Genma as he was, before Akane got ahold of him.  
____________________  
  
Ranma looked around the construction site with a bit of curiosity, and then back to Akane, "Weird short cut you got here..."  
  
"Well, it's better than walking around the whole block," the raven haired girl rationalized. She bent down, and picked up a large, flat piece of plaster, before hiding it behind her back, "Hey! look, a hundred Yen coin at your feet!"  
  
"Huh? Where?" Ranma looked down, attempting to locate the easy money.  
  
"You kicked dirt onto it, here, lemme get it..." Akane started to bend down to get the coin, before Ranma held his hand towards her.  
  
"Hey, It's mine, alright!" Ranma squatted down, and started to shift his hands through the loose dirt and dust, attempting to vainly locate the money.  
  
While he was preoccupied, Akane raised the plaster above her head, and threw it down as hard as she could behind Ranma. It landed, kicking up a good sized cloud of dirt that caught Ranma right in the eyes.  
  
"DAMMIT! WHAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU TOMBOY!" Ranma began to frantically rub his eyes, trying to remove the sediment that was trapped there.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Do this, hold your eyelids down over your eyes, it'll make you cry the sediment out!"  
  
"Like this?" Ranma enquired, pinching his eyelids with each hand, and holding them down.  
  
"Just like that, keep doing that for a couple of minutes, it should clear it all out!"  
  
"Hey, it's working!" Ranma stated, already feeling his eyes becoming less irritated.  
  
"Good! Just hold them closed, now!" Akane's voice sounded further away.  
  
"How long do I have to do this, again?"  
  
"This should... er... it should only take a few moments more..." Akane replied, quickly refreshing her memory on how to operate the heavy machinery she was currently residing in.  
  
"I think I'm ready now," Ranma stated, just in time to hear a loud, 'tink' above him. "Huh?" Ranma looked up, finding a half a dozen heavy I beams falling towards him.  
  
Before he could react, a red flash intercepted them in the air, knocking them in several directions with precise Martial arts techniques; punching and kicking them away from harming the young man that was below them.  
  
A blond haired man with a long pony tail that was dressed up like some late 80's converse commercial reject landed before Ranma.  
  
"Hey, you know? Kids shouldn't be playing around a construction site, it can get pretty dangerous," the man replied, adjusting his red baseball cap with the metal plate on the front of it.  
  
"Er... I'll keep that in mind," Ranma replied with slight distain, "By the way, your shoe's untied..."  
  
"Huh? Oh, thanks a heap, and call me Terry, alright?" Terry bent down to tie his shoes, as Ranma calmly walked a safe distance away.  
  
"Better yet, I should probably call you an ambulance," Ranma stated, nonchilantly, as he looked upon the twitching body. Akane climbed out of the crane, and walked over to the rather pained man as Ranma walked away, and kicked him in the head before following.  
  
"Damn foreigners, taking all our work and interfering with crap," Akane groused, as she caught up with the pigtailed boy.  
____________________  
  
"FALL FORTH, MY FELLOW ACOLATES! WE SHALL SMITE THE HEATHEN WENCHES THAT SEEK TO PLAGUE OUR MESSIAH!!!" Arch-Bishop Joe bellowed, "UNLEASH ANOTHER VOLLEY OF THE SACRED MOTOLOV COCTAILS!!!"  
  
The Amazons lay under seige in their block territory, as Han Tao attempted to determine a point of weakness from the zealots that challenged them.  
  
"Don't they ever run out of those cursed bombs?!?" Shampoo growled, ducking as a window exploded, shattering glass all over the abandoned warehouse they were holed up in.  
  
"YES! MY BRETHERN! LET US SCORE THE UNHOLY SOIL THESE INFIDELS WALK UPON! LET THE EARTH AND THEIR HOSTILE BURN AND SEAR IN THE FLAMES OF OUR RIGHTIOUSNESS!!!"  
  
"I would just settle for him shutting the Hell up!" another Amazon almost whined, "What is he saying, anyway?"  
  
"Religious jibberish," Han Tao answered, "Those fools are thinking we ain't without our own heat..."  
  
"Huh?" Shampoo and the other surrounding Amazons asked, before ducking from an explosion that shook the whole building.  
  
"Okay, that explosion was a little disconcerting," Shampoo stated, looking around warily. Another loud boom shook the building.  
____________________  
  
Ranma and Akane walked down the busy street, and stopped at the store Akane pointed out.  
  
"You sure this is the place?" Ranma enquired, looking into the store window.  
  
"Yup! This is the one Kasumi always gets most her stuff from when she's not at the market," Akane checked her watch, it should be by any time, now.  
  
"Well, let's hurry up and get the rice Kasumi wanted. Just as Ranma stepped in, Akane looked across the street. Ranma couldn't see it, but a sinister grin passed over her face, before it lit up in delight.  
  
"Oh! A BABY!!!" Akane hyperlly pointed to the woman walking a baby carriage on the other side of the street, "I wanna go see it!"  
  
Ranma 'hmphed', "Sure, whatever. Just gimme the money and I'll pick the rice up, alright?" Akane handed him the money, and carefully skipped across the street.  
  
"Oh! How cute!" Akane gushed, stopping the woman.  
  
"Oh, thank you! His name's Ryujin."  
  
"Can I hold him?" Akane asked, making googly eyes at the baby.  
  
"Um, sure!" Akane picked up the baby, being careful to turn the carraige around to get a better hold, and started making goo goo noises at him, while shaking the baby rattler she had in one hand.  
  
"Aren't you just the most adorable little thing? Yes you are! Yes you are!" Akane looked down the street out of the corner of her eye; it was show time. "Oh!" Akane exclaimed, dropping the rattle.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll get it," the woman replied, bending down to pick up the toy. As she was distracted, Akane kicked the baby carraige out into the street.  
  
"OH MY GOD! THAT BABY CARRAIGE!" A bystander screamed. The morning bus happened down the street, right as the carraige crossed its path.  
  
The driver, unknowing that there wasn't a baby in it, swerved to miss it, in turn causing the bus to plow right through the store window Ranma was in.  
  
Well, Ranma was just in, really, as he exited the store with an irritated expression on his face, just as the bus demolished the store front. The building then collapsed down upon itself and around the bus from the structural damage done to it.  
  
Akane growled a curse, as Ranma walked across the street, unpetered by the incident behind him, "Yo, he said there's no such thing! You think Kasumi sent us on a wild goose chase, or something?"  
____________________  
  
"[...has been going for several days. Police are considering options on how to disrupt the gang turf war between what seems to be a religious organization and a gang of warrior women. This just in, Ikebi's grocery store collapsed, as a bus plowed through the store front. Witnesses report that the bus swerved to miss a baby carraige that...]"  
  
"Looks like Akane's work," Nabiki replied idly, as she continued to watch the news report.  
  
"It appears so," Kasumi replied, "She must be rusty, only seven people injured."  
  
"We're home!" Akane called out a bit irritatedly, followed by a nonchalant Ranma, "We couldn't find the rice you asked for, Kasumi, where do you usually pick it up?"  
  
"I just usually pick my rice up at..." Kasumi paused, before turning a big, warm, and searingly fake smile to her youngest sister, "That's alright, Akane, I'll just make something else for dinner, tonight."  
  
"If you're really okay with it," Akane replied a bit hesitantly, wondering why Kasumi had her fake smile on. She shrugged, and turned back to Ranma, "You want to go out to the dojo and spar?"  
  
Ranma shrugged, as if he had anything better to do at the moment.  
  
"Great! Let me go get my gi! Be ready for me!" Akane giggled, and rushed upstairs. Kasumi and Nabiki both watched their sister head to her room with a bit more cheer than she would usually put on; everything then snapped into place.  
  
"Youuuu," both present Tendou daughters seethed at the pigtailed boy.  
  
"What? Whadd I do?" 


	21. Chapter 20 'The Brat Wars' Pt 3

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
  
"How should we deal with this?" Kasumi asked, pacing about Nabiki's room.  
  
"Well, we both realized that she's going to be targeting Ranma pretty much exclusively. It's no accident that she suddenly regressed back to deliquency, Ranma ticked her off something royally."  
  
"Well brilliant deducing, Madam Sherlock," Kasumi replied, glaring at her sister, "But we still have the question of WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT *TWO* OF THE LITTLE HEATHENS?!?"  
  
Nabiki backed away from her sister's nearly fully vented rage, waving her hands to placate the other girl, "Waitaminutewaitaminute to let me finish!" Nabiki took a deep breath, once Kasumi stopped looming over her, "Now, we both know that this probably won't end until one of them is no longer standing. Knowing what Akane's capable of, we may as well say our goodbyes to Ranma while we still can."  
  
"Kamisama," Kasumi whimpered, "can you IMAGINE the fallout that's going to happen? Nothing will be left of our home!"  
  
Nabiki smirked, deviously, "That's why we make sure they're as far away as they can be, while they're at each other's throats." Kasumi's expression showed how much she liked the idea.  
_______________________  
  
Bunny stared up at the knife that was just seconds away from being untangled from the thread that held it supported above him. At least he got a chance to glare at Akane, as she was changing into her gi, and vocalize in rabbit-speak just what he thought of her, one last time.  
  
:snip:  
  
As the loose knot came undone, the rabbit closed it's eyes, unheeding of the black blur that darted over him. Once he noticed that he felt no extra cavities in him, Bunny finally opened one eye to peek.  
  
Beside him, stood a black cat with a orange tigerstriped bandanna around its neck, holding the butcher knife in its mouth. With a casual flick of its head, the knife was imbedded into the far wall.  
  
The cat looked at the rabbit with a puzzled expression, before meowing. Bunny could only blink in discomprehension, as the cat's forehead furrowed in agitation. It leapt from the desk, and lept out the window, attempting to find its way.  
_______________________  
  
Ranma stood easily across from Akane, who was smiling brilliantly at him. "Are you ready, Ranma?" The raven-haired girl asked, brushing her long hair over her shoulder.  
  
"I guess, ready as I'll ever be," the pigtailed boy replied, oblivious to Akane's newfound concience-less freedom.  
  
"Alright!" Akane went into stance, her face firming in concentration, "HERE I-!"  
  
"What the Hell are we supposed to do about *two* of the little heathens?!?"  
  
Ranma blinked, and glanced questioningly towards Akane.  
  
Akane could only shrug back, "Kasumi's easily excitable, sometimes. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, HERE I COME!" The girl launched herself at the other martial artist with a flurry of attacks. Ranma easily evaded them, but was being forced to back away from the strikes.  
  
Akane's fist went through the wall, right behind Ranma, just as he almost casually stepped to the side. With a growl, Akane torqued her fist through the dojo's wooden wall for a crossing hook towards Ranma. He effortlessly backed away from the attack, and seemed unconcerned about Akane's growing anger.  
  
"Can't you do anything other than dodge, you jerk!" Akane bellowed, attempting to take the other's head off with an inner crescent kick.  
  
Ranma shrugged, before ducking the attack, and ignored the sound of her foot crashing into the wall, "Well, yeah, but you have to earn it, first!"  
  
"YOU CONCEITED JERK! Akane shouted, renewing her vigor. Ranma weaved through her attacks, enjoying her growing irritation.  
  
"Gee, for a martial artist, you sure get angry, easily." he stated, nonchilantly. That earned him a low growl from the other girl. Ranma seemed to consider this, as he bent backwards from a back fist that crashed into the wall beside him, "You know? All that anger makes you pretty predictable, and you're gonna be lead around by the nose during a real fight."  
  
"MAYBE IF YOU STOOD STILL, AND FOUGHT LIKE A MAN WOULD..." Ranma vaulted over her lunging knee, that created a sizable hole in the wall that was behind him.  
  
"Gee, you got a temper. Don't you know the art is supposed to be about self-dicipline?" Ranma teased, before sticking his tongue out at Akane. That was enough to keep Akane boiled over, as she chased him around the dojo, wildly throwing blows about.  
  
Akane stopped, just as Ranma jumped back into a corner. "Ya give up yet?" Ranma asked in a slightly condesending tone, "With as hard as you were working to even touch me, you're starting to make the whole dojo gamey." He made a show of going to the nearest window, and opening it to air the place out.  
  
Akane fumed, before turning away, sniffing in distain, "Fine, if you're not going to help me train, I'll just go somewhere else!" With that, she stormed to the entrance of the dojo, stepped out, and slammed the door behind her in her fury...  
_______________________  
  
"Stupid old man! Did you HAVE to use that much powder in those bombs of yours?" Pantyhose Saotome, husband to Ranma Saotome, seethed.  
  
Well, seethed as much as he possibly could in a full-body cast.  
  
"Shut up, you," Happosai retorted, nowhere near as banged up as the other two room occupants, but enough to warrent an extended hospital stay, "They were meant to kill Ranma! If ya ask me, I need to mix a more powerful batch, next time!"  
  
"All good and dandy, but how about giving us a few minutes to get out of the blast radius," the Texan in traction, Creed, requested, sarcastically.  
  
"Nu-uh" Pantyhose Saotome interjected, "The only person who gets the honor of turning Ranma into so much stone-ground paste, is *me*! And that doesn't happen until we get our divorce!"  
  
"So, 'She' got you too, huh?"  
  
Pantyhose Saotome looked at Creed, "What do you mean, 'Got me too'?"  
  
The Texan ignored the question, instead replying with one of his own, "Why don'tcha jus' get an annullment?" Creed asked, "I reckon if you know what we all should know about Ranma, you didn't do anythin' with him... didja?"  
  
Saotome seethed, "No, but our culture doesn't practice annulments. We are binded as soon as the vows are made. The only way I can get out of this with at least some of my dignity attached is through divorce."  
  
"Ah, but you still remain branded, Tough ride, pard'ner!"  
  
"That's what you get for trying to have your name changed. 'Pantyhose Tarou' was a perfect name!"  
  
Pantyhose Saotome growled, "Listen, you old jerk! I wouldn't be in this if you had just given me a REAL name like... QUIT LAUGHING, YOU IDIOT!"  
  
"Your... your name was.. P-Pantyhose Tarou?" The Texan asked, trying, but in vain, to hold his laughter in.  
  
"And now it's 'Pantyhose Saotome'," Happosai stated, "To be associated with that lout of a family... well, you reap what you sow, boy, but you'll always be my 'Pantyhose Tarou'!"  
  
"Why you... if I only had some water, I'd..."  
  
"Well why didn't you say so, you little ingrate puke?" Happosai picked up his glass of water, and tossed it at the cursed young man.  
  
Several doctors and nurses rushed in, and stared in confused wonder at the strange beast that had parts of a demolished full body cast over its mangled limbs, once again misaligned by the transformation.  
  
"Serves you right," Happosai mumbled, before going back to attempting to read his girlie magazine, while Creed kept laughing at the riot nearby. The grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts threw the magazine against the wall, in fustration.  
  
"Ranma, I promise you you'll pay for what you did to your master!"  
_______________________  
  
"Hello!" Rouge called out, announcing herself as she let herself into the Tendou home, "I have come by to see Ran-"  
  
::CRASH!!!::  
  
Rouge blinked twice, as she saw Mr. Tendou blazing from his room, towards the origin of the loud noise, just as Nabiki and Kasumi flew down the stairs, also heading for the back yard.  
  
The cursed young woman gave chase, and shortly was forced to stop at the backs of the frozen Tendous. Rouge looked over at where they were, with a confused expession, while Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi gaped in disbelieving horror, and Genma-panda continued playing with a tire, just happy he wasn't involved this time.  
  
Akane was skipping towards them, with a happy-go-lucky expression on her face, apparently unconcerned for the ruins of the dojo behind her.  
  
"Hi Daddy, I hope I wasn't making too much noise," the youngest Tendou greeted with a touch of concern in her voice. She patted her father's shoulder, before stepping past him, and into the house. The Tendou Patriarch didn't even seem to hear his daughter, as he was still rigid with shock.  
  
"My... my..."  
  
"The..." Kasumi started.  
  
"Dojo..." Nabiki finished, in a disbelieving tone.  
  
"What is wrong? What's Ranma doing standing in the middle of that pile of firewood?" Rouge asked, not aware of what just happened.  
  
Ranma stood in the frame of the fallen window he had opened, with his hand still raised in the position from opening the window. He had been watching Akane skip away with a complete 180 in her attitude, as soon as she had slammed the door behind herself. The pigtailed trickster blinked, before narrowing his eyes at her back. 


	22. Chapter 21 'The Brat Wars' Pt 4

Tender Loving Care  
'The Brat Wars' Pt. 4  
"Ah, sorry about the dojo," Ranma apologized with a chagrinned tone, "I guess me and Akane got a little rambungious in there." The pigtailed boy tossed a withering glance towards Akane, who was grinning obliviously at Rouge.  
  
"Ah,, heh heh... it's o-okay, R-Ranma... nobodywashurt... after all..." Soun blubbered, barely audible with his head turned face down on the tearoom table. "I-it can be r-r-rebuilt..."  
  
"So, what brings you by, Rouge?" Akane asked the visiting girl.  
  
The girl in question blushed, "Well, I just wanted to see how Ranma was doing."  
  
"Oh," Akane replied in a dry tone, before turning to look at Ranma with a half-lidded gaze, "He seems to be doing fine, to me."  
  
Rouge's eyes gained a concerned light to them, "It was a small wonder he is! Ranma-sama shouldn't be practicing in such a rickety dojo, he could get hurt!"  
  
Akane's eye twitched at the backhanded comment, before realization came to her. "Oh! I need to get changed outta my gi," with a slight sniff of herself, she added, "I guess I probably need to take a quick bath, too. You probably should too, Ranma."  
  
"I'll be in there after you're done," Ranma replied in a guarded tone. Wether Akane noticed it or not, she didn't let on, as she bounced up the stairs to get a change of clothes.  
  
"I am so glad you are safe!" Rouge gushed, as soon as the other girl was gone, and continued to ignore the silent weeping of the Tendou Patriarch.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma replied, apparently lost in thought, "Sorry, what did you say?"  
  
"Did I do something wrong? Are you ignoring me?" the cursed girl enquired with a worried tone.  
  
"Ah, it's not that," Ranma replied, "Just something came to mind, s'all."  
  
"Would you like to talk about it?" Rouge asked with a pleading expression. Couples always talked with one another; communication was important in a relationship.  
  
Ranma shrugged, before turning a smile to Rouge, "Sure, let's go for a walk."  
_______________________  
  
"The dojo is just the start, Nabiki!" Kasumi stated with a slight bit of hysteria in her voice, "Daddy can't take this for too long... I CAN'T TAKE THIS FOR TOO LONG!!!"  
  
"Calm down, Kasumi," Nabiki tried to placate, finding her own words hollow, "We can have the Dojo rebuilt again, while we're remodeling the back yard. Both are covered under our insurance."  
  
"But they're not going to stop! They'll keep going and going and going... THEY'RE LIKE A COUPLE OF PSYCHOTIC ENERGIZER BUNNIES!!!"  
  
"Quit shouting, or Akane's going to hear you!" Nabiki snapped, before sitting down. Her seating posture spoke of how frazzeled she was, "But you're right, we have to put a stop to this, but we still need to figure out a way to get them out of the house until it's out of their systems."  
  
"Out of the house? How about OUT OF THE FRIGG'N COUNTRY!" Kasumi shrilled, starting to pull at her ponytail a bit harder than she really should.  
  
Before Nabiki could speak, the door to Kasumi's room creaked open, allowing the resident fluffy white albino bunny to enter, making a bee line straight for Nabiki's lap. "Hmm, I was wondering where you went," Nabiki commented, stroking the rabbit's back. Nabiki then looked up to find her sister plastered against her wall, standing on her bed, away from Nabiki and that... thing, with a look of utter terror on her face. "Uh, Kasumi?"  
  
"Y-y-you're petting that.. that..."  
  
Nabiki blinked, and looked down at the bunny, which seemed to be purring under her attentions. Nabiki then looked up at her sister, "Okay, I think we need to go take a bath to calm our nerves down. Maybe then, we'll be rational enough to come up with an idea or two.  
_______________________  
  
"I'm just concerned, that's all," Ranma continued, sighing at his apparent situation.  
  
"Concerned about what?" Rouge asked, moving closer into Ranma's personal space.  
  
The pigtailed boy surrupticiously stepped away, while looking whistfully into the sky, "Well, we're pretty close, right? I feel I can tell you anything," Ranma started again.  
  
Rouge's heart went a-flutter, "Yes, yes you can tell me anything, Ranma-sama!"  
  
Ranma gave Rouge a heart-breaking smile, "Thanks, I knew you'ld be there for me. It's just that... that..." Ranma gave a fustrated sigh, "It's just that, well, it's Akane..."  
  
"Oh? The rather young girl you were sparring with?" Rouge enquired, adding a slight backhanded insult about Akane's maturity.  
  
Ranma didn't seem to notice it, "Yeah. It's just that... I think she's developing a crush on me, and she's a nice girl and all, but a bit, well, possessive."  
  
"Oh?" Rouge asked, arcing her tone, as her eyes narrowed.  
  
"I want to let her down, gently, you know? But I'm afraid that if I try, she may, I guess, get even more clingy!"  
  
"I can understand why that would upset you so much," Rouge replied, beginning to fume.  
  
"I'm afraid that anything I tell her won't convince her." Ranma sighed again, and shook his head, "I just don't think I can convince her, myself."  
  
"I can understand your fustration, Ranma-sama." This time, Her tone was dark and somewhat menacing, as if she had just recieved her new purpose in life.  
  
"Thanks, Rouge-chan! I knew I could count on you!" Ranma replied, wrapping his arm around the shoulders of the girl, who was brooding and plotting.  
_______________________  
  
"Really, Kasumi, it's just a harmless rabbit. Maybe a bit hyper and not so people-friendly, but still harmless," Nabiki stated in a soothing voice, attempting to calm her frazzled sister. "Come on, a nice hot bath will do wonders for you."  
  
"O-okay," Kasumi replied, attempting to regain her center, "I guess a bath won't hurt." Kasumi's hand went to the door of the bathroom, "And we still need to think of a way to get Akane and Ranma away, while they attempt to kill each other." Kasumi opened the door and turned to enter the bathroom. She stopped, as her eyes went wide.  
  
"Kasumi, why'd you sto-" Nabiki was cut off, as Kasumi turned around and tackled her sister to the floor.  
  
::BOOOOOOOM::  
  
"WHAT THE?!?" Nabiki screamed in a voice muffled by her weight of her older sister.  
  
"A-akane found her potato gun..." Kasumi whispered in shocked fear.  
  
"Her potato..." Kasumi found herself thrown off of Nabiki, who was suddenly standing up, looking at the series of holes that appeared in every wall that had stood across from the bathroom entrance, "I THOUGHT YOU GOT RID OF THAT THING?!?"  
  
"I-I thought we would need it one day... to-to stop Akane!" Kasumi started feeling herself breaking down.  
  
"YOU DIDN'T CONSIDER THE FACT THAT SHE MAY FIND IT, FIRST?!?" Nabiki yelled, "THAT THING WAS LIKE A PART OF HER!!!"  
  
"Kasumi, Nabiki? Are you guys okay?"  
  
"ACK!!!" both older sisters screamed, with Nabiki jumping into Kasumi's arms, once their youngest sister made her presence known.  
  
"I heard a loud noise, and... whoa," Akane continued, looking at the damage. She then looked at where it originated from, seeming to not notice her old toy, trigger-rigged to go off whenever someone opened the bathroom door. "Anyways, I'm glad you two are okay."  
  
Her sisters continued to look at her with fearful shock, causing Akane to shrug, and walk off. They didn't miss Akane mumbling to herself, "Hmm, if *they* could dodge out of the way..."  
  
"Kasumi..." Nabiki began in a whimpering voice.  
  
"Nabiki?" Kasumi replied in a terrified tone.  
  
"Hold me."  
  
"Only if you hold me..."  
_______________________  
  
"We're back!" Ranma announced, entering the Tendou home.  
  
"Ranma, we would like for you to meet us in the tearoom, please," Kasumi's voice requested.  
  
Ranma turned, and looked at Rouge, before shrugging, "Be there in a sec."  
  
Both he and Rouge entered the Tendou dining area, and sat down. "Sup?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Ranma-kun," Soun started, flanked by both Nabiki and Kasumi, Akane nor his father were nowhere in sight, "We've decided that after the previous day's ordeal, that it may be prudent we all take a vacation for a few days..."  
  
Ranma shrugged, as Rouge grew concerned at the idea of being seperated from Ranma, "Sounds good, but what about school?"  
  
"Ah, don't worry about it, I'll take care of it!" Nabiki replied quickly, earning Ranma's suspicion.  
  
"Where's Akane and Pops?" Ranma asked.  
  
The three present Tendous turned to each other, nervously. They thought it was best that they left Genma out of their plans, in case he felt some misplaced obligation to save his son from their demonic daughter and sister. They sent Akane out on a pointless errand, finding a hundred yards of flight line at a hardware store, so they could discuss things separately from her with Ranma.  
  
"Ah, Akane had a few things she needed to do," Kasumi answered for her sister.  
  
"Your father, um. went and got drunk," Soun answered for Ranma's father. Technically it was true, though Soun had ensured that Genma was good and drunk at a local bar for the time being.  
  
Ranma managed to keep his suspicion from showing, and shrugged, "Sure, sounds like fun." 


	23. Chapter 22 'The Brat Wars' Pt 5

Tender Loving Care  
  
"I'm back!" Akane chirped, finally returning from her errand. As she walked in, she was greeted by her father.  
  
"Akane dear, good news! It seems we won a free trip! You need to quickly pack your bags so we can depart immidiately!"  
  
Akane blinked, "But... someone needs to stay here and wait for the flight line."  
  
Soun paused, remembering the pointless errand that they had sent her on, "You found flight line?"  
  
Akane nodded cheerfully, "Yup. I didn't want to upset Kasumi again by failing in another errand, so I put some effort into this one!" Akane flexed her bicep in a show for her father, "You know? It was a lot easier to find than non-glucose rice. I'll tell ya though, I think they're gonna be ticked at the airport, that's for sure!"  
  
Soun paled, as Akane walked off, whistling happily to herself.  
  
_______________________  
  
So, where we tak'n this vacation?" Ranma enquired, somewhat interested in learning more.  
  
Kasumi jerked in surprise, before whirling around with her knife in hand. Ranma idly leaned away from getting his throat slashed, wondering why she was so jumpy. "o-oh, Ranma... you startled me," Kasumi exclaimed in a highly strained voice.  
  
"Bet you're excited about this trip. Going to the beach or something?"  
  
"Uh... it's a surprise!" Kasumi gave Ranma the best smile she could, which wasn't much as she was trying not to panic in his presence. "Um... could you possibly... go away while I prepare dinner... please?"  
  
"Ah, I must be bugg'n ya, sorry." Ranma bowed, and left the kitchen. Once he was gone, Kasumi gave a great sigh of relief, and went back to mixing the drug recipe she was working on.  
  
_______________________  
  
"Ranma," Akane greeted, sitting at one end of the table.  
  
The pigtailed boy sat at the other side, "Akane."  
  
Nabiki and Soun looked between the two, from Akane happy-go-lucky expression that easily disguised the white hot hostile intentions towards their houseguest, to Ranma's slightly oblivious and flippant facade which masked his maliciousness and more than small suspicion towards Akane. Both the other present Tendous could literally feel the air crackling with their unseen animosity.  
  
"D-dinner's ready!" Kasumi interrupted the 'pleasant' atmosphere, bringing two prepared plates. She set one down in front of Ranma, and then in front of Akane, before returning to the kitchen, and gathering two more prepared plates for her sister and her father.  
  
Akane looked at her food with a wary expression, "Kasumi, what's this?"  
  
Kasumi sat at the table with her own plate, "It's an American style meatloaf with a tomato sauce dressing. I hope you like it!"  
  
"It smells funny," Ranma replied twisting his nose up at it.  
  
"AH..." Kasumi began to panic, "T-try it, you'll like it! REALLY!"  
  
"I don't know, you sure the meat's not spoiled? It seems to happen a lot to me when I'm cooking," Akane asked, concerned about the meal.  
  
"Really... the meat's not spoiled. I... I just was trying a new recipe, th-that's all!" Kasumi gave a weak smile, as Nabiki and Soun shifted nervously.  
  
"Hmm, never had much American food exept hamburgers and stuff like that. Is this like a hamburger?" Ranma asked, poking at the food with his chopsticks  
  
"Yes, YES it is! Now hurry before it gets cold!" Kasumi urged in a near hysterical, cracking tone.  
  
"Are you okay, Kasumi?" Akane enquired, as she saw her oldest sister begin to perspire.  
  
"JUST EAT THE DAMN MEATLOAF!!!" Kasumi suddenly shouted, causing everyone at the table to jump.  
  
"Kinda touchy today, aren't you?" Akane quipped, before picking up her chopsticks, and taking a bite. "Hmm, I guess it's not bad, but you've done much better, sis."  
  
Ranma frowned a bit, as he chewed, testing the flavor. He swallowed before speaking, "Hmm, it's funny. I swear I can taste potent phenothiazine derivatives, and some sort of concentrated diazepa... diaz..."  
  
Both Akane and Ranma both slumped into their meals, unconcious. Soun reached over with his chopsticks, poking Akane first, then Ranma to ensure they were knocked out. After several moments, everyone at the table sighed in great relief.  
  
Immidiately, Soun gathered Ranma onto his shoulder, while Kasumi put Akane on hers. They both then rushed out the back door, which was being held open by Nabiki. The middle Tendou sister then raced down the pathway in the backyard to the back entrance, opening the door quickly for her sister and father, where a van was waiting parked.  
  
Soun and Kasumi then tossed both Ranma and Akane unceremoniously into the back, before shutting the door. Kasumi hopped into the driver's side, while Soun and Nabiki entered the side door.  
  
Igniting the engine, Kasumi wasted no time, peeling out into the street as fast as the van would allow her, while Nabiki and Soun quickly went to work. Nabiki centered both Ranma and Akane on a large square of wood, and then began holding up boards perpendicular with the sides, as her father began nailing them into the base board.  
  
Kasumi expertly navigated traffic, finally arriving at the airfield. She spared a glance out her window, puzzled as to why several planes were currently sitting in mud, and not parked on a flight line. She shook her head, deciding she had more pressing concerns to deal with.  
  
Kasumi quickly pulled up to the first cargo plane she saw, stopped the van, and jumped out. She rushed up to one of the men, obviously the pilot, who seemed to be of Polynesian descent. "Excuse me, sir, where are you going?"  
  
Blinking in confusion, the man answered in a language Kasumi hadn't encountered before, causing the girl to whimper; there wasn't much time left, and they had to get Ranma and Akane away FAST!  
  
Soun hopped out of the back of the van, holding a large crate on his back, and ran over to where Kasumi was talking with the foreign pilot. Nabiki shortly joined them, before closing the doors to the back of the van.  
  
"Where. are. you. going. to?" Kasumi asked, in broken English, hoping the man would understand her.  
  
"Sorry, luv, man doesn't speak a word of Japanese or English. One hell of a pilot, tho'!"  
  
Kasumi turned to the blond, tanned man who had just exited the cargo jet, "You. speak. English?"  
  
"And Japanese, if that'll make things easier on ya, missy," the man with an Austrailian accent replied, "Tho, if I had time, I woundna mind tak'n it easy with you tonight, if ya catch my drift."  
  
"Are you heading, far... far away?" Nabiki interjected, pressing the matter for time's sakes.  
  
The man scrunched his face, "Well, we're hopp'n ta New Zealand, why you ask?"  
  
"We'll pay you! Take it all!!!" Soun shoved a wad of bills into the man's hand, "Just take this crate, and leave it there!"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"You want more?" Nabiki reached into her pockets, pulling out several rolls of bills.  
  
"I...I have fifty-seven yen," Kasumi replied, counting the change she had left over from grocery shopping.  
  
"Well, if it's that important to ya..." The man quickly grabbed the wads of cash from Nabiki, as well as the spare change Kasumi had, and motioned Soun to load the crate into the side of the plane. After that was done, he put a finger to his lips to motion silence, "We won't be telling the authorities 'bout this, eh?"  
  
The Tendous shook their heads rapidly.  
  
After quick flight preparations, the plane took off. The Tendous waved tearfully as it departed, hoping that it would be a long time before the two teenagers aboard would be seen again. Even better if just one of them came back.  
  
_______________________  
  
"I'm back! I almost despaired, but I found it, non-glucose rice! Amazing the things they make out of soy nowadays..." Genma called out, and frowned as he recieved no answer. "Anyone home?"  
  
Once again, he didn't recieve an answer, and shrugged. His stomach and olfactory senses took over, as he followed the unusual, but tantilizing aroma into the dining area.  
  
_______________________  
  
A cargo plane flew over the thick forests of New Zealand, before expulging a crate attached to a parachute. It landed, barely managing to avoid the chute getting tangled in branches, and shattered outwards.  
  
"What the...?" Ranma exclaimed, looking around.  
  
"I can't believe they drugged us!" Akane shouted in outrage, before a note landed on her face, "Huh? What's this?"  
  
Ranma retrieved the note from Akane's face, and read it.  
  
"Dear Ranma and Akane,  
  
As our vacation funds were rather  
  
limited, we had decided that it  
  
would be best for the two of you  
  
to go, instead of the whole  
  
family. We apologise for the  
  
accomidations, but they were the  
  
best that could be done on the  
  
funds we were given. We wish you  
  
two the best of time, and stay   
  
as long as you like! We don't  
  
mind, as long as you two don't  
  
come back for a long time.  
  
Please, enjoy yourselves and  
  
don't come back for a LONG  
  
time! There is no rush so  
  
try not to come back for a  
  
long.... LONG time. Okay?  
  
The Tendous"  
  
"Huh," Ranma mumbled, crumpling up the note and tossing it over his shoulder, "I wonder where we are...?"  
  
"Never seen anywhere like this in Japan before," Akane opined, looking around.  
  
"We're not in China either. At least nowhere I've been," Ranma replied, leaning down and picking up his travel pack that had been left for him.  
  
"So, where are we going?" Akane asked, picking up her bag, and the pouch of Japanese yen bills left for them.  
  
Ranma looked up, shrugged, and pointed in a direction, "That way's as good as any direction..."  
  
"Alright, you lead the way!" Akane chirped. Ranma nodded, and began heading the direction he had pointed, not catching Akane picking up a large rock, hefting it a couple of times to test it's weight, and tossing it into the air at a seemingly random trajectory. She then followed Ranma, as he pushed a thick tree branch out of his way, then walked past just before Akane caught up with him... 


	24. Chapter 23 'The Brat Wars' Pt 6

Tender Loving Care  
  
Some things, you never realized how beautiful they are, until they're gone. Kasumi, Nabiki, Soun, and Genma now understood what it was they had lost, and how invaluable it was to them.  
  
The quiet, the lack of the sensation that your sanity was slowly being leeched away, the freedom of having to be braced to duck and cover when you want to use the bathroom... these things are of an unimagined bliss when they are once again accessable.  
  
Kasumi lolled back, not even concerning herself with housework, as she flopped on the couch, "They're really gone, both of them... gone..."  
  
Nabiki sat at the other end, wayyyyyy at the other end, as she pet Bunny in her lap, "Oh man, this is the life! No Ranma, no Akane, most importantly, no Ranma OR Akane."  
  
"Indeed," Soun agreed, heartily drinking his beer, "Though he hadn't been with us long, I am well glad he is no longer with us."  
  
"Hey, Tendou," Genma growled, "That's my son you're talking about." Genma took a swig from his own mug, "Now, I had to live with him for ten years, try to imagine what this feels like to me!"  
  
"You poor, poor man," Kasumi lamented, "Although, we did have to contend with Akane for several years. She was such a sweet girl, but a violent maniac."  
  
At that, a knock on the door sounded, drawing looks from each member of the Tendou family and houseguest. Kasumi sighed, still relishing her peace, but decided she still had duties, "I'll get it."  
  
She approached the door, and opened it with the brightest smile she could muster. Absolutely nothing could ruin her blissful mood.  
  
Exept for the boy and girl standing at the doorway, glaring daggers at each other...  
  
and the army of foreigners standing behind them, armed.  
  
And the angry Japanese diplomats.  
  
Kasumi tilted her head, never letting the smile leave her face, "Just a moment, please." After excusing herself, she closed the door gently, and walked back into the house. Her family stared at her, curiously, as she continued to smile, and walk past them into the kitchen. Blinking, they all got up, and followed her.  
  
"Hey, Kasumi, who was at the-WHOA!!!" Nabiki, Soun, and Genma all dove quickly, to restrain Kasumi from slitting her wrists with the large knife.  
  
"What has gotten into you, girl?" Genma demanded, as he pulled the blade from the still smiling young woman.  
  
"I'm sorry," Kasumi replied, never letting her smile falter, "Would someone get the door please, I'm afraid that I left them standing there..."  
  
"Left who standing there?" Soun enquired, but found Kasumi still smiling like a dope fiend. It was then that it clicked for Nabiki.  
  
"No... oh no... nononononononono.... it's not possible... they should be gone at least another day... THEY EVEN GAVE ME EMAIL CONFIRMATION THAT THE PACKAGE WAS DELIVERED!!!"  
  
Feeling the urge to confirm her denial, which only slightly overpowered her urge to run in stark terror, Nabiki rushed to the door, followed shortly by a dumbfounded Soun and Genma. Swinging the door open, Nabiki's world was completely, and utterly shattered.  
  
One of the official looking Japanese men cleared his throat, "Good day, Soun Tendou. If I recall, according to several goodwill and peace treaties signed in tangent with the United States, China, and Holland, your daughter was unallowed to leave the country..."  
  
Behind him, several of the soldiers started speaking in Moari, infuriated with having to put up with the biological weapons named Ranma and Akane.  
  
__________________  
  
Soun smiled nervously, thought not with a bit of hope. He had indeed forgot that issue regarding his daughter about remaining within Japan's borders. You could forgive him for that, though, since his daughter did have quite a few issues he had to remember. Because of this, he was faced with the possiblity of being put into custody, somewhere away from Akane. Or maybe they'll execute him, yes, he decided the peace of the afterlife would be a safe enough distance from his youngest.  
  
"So, I heard that American show, Xena, is filmed there," Nabiki enquired, trying to keep the dialogue with one of the armed Austrailian/New Zealand military officers. Ranma and Akane glared hatefully across the table at each other, while Kasumi and Genma looked on with undistilled terror. Bunny sat on the table, content that no one would bother him. Of course, after Kasumi managed to reattach a pinky back onto one soldier's hand, recalling her sewing and medical skills, everyone pretty much decided to let sleeping rabbits lay.   
  
"We won't take action, this time," the Japanese foreign embassador stated calmly, after taking a sip from his tea. That's one thing he missed about his somewhat frequent trips to the Tendou home so long ago, Kasumi's tea.  
  
"You won't?" Soun asked, feeling greatly disappointed. The ambassador nodded. Truth be told, they were too afraid to do anything to Soun Tendou, for fear of what Akane may do in retaliation. To their estimation, she still had fourteen oil drum sized canisters hidden around Tokyo that they have yet to locate; all of them looking different and colorful, due to Akane's insistance on making a fashion statement.  
  
"Although," he added, "our friends of New Zealand demand compensation."  
  
"They can have Akane as a prisoner of war!" Kasumi exclaimed, helpfully.  
  
"We'll throw the boy in as a bonus!" Genma added, grabbing Ranma's shoulders.  
  
"NO!" responded the Austrailian/New Zealand military forces present, the Japanese ambassador, and the old woman that bore witness to their heinous crimes in their fair country.  
  
Nabiki smirked, seeing opportunity, "So, how much would it be worth to you to keep them from visiting again?"  
  
As everyone else baulked, while Akane shifted her glare to Nabiki for the merest of instances, unfortunately unnoticed by the middle Tendou sister, the Japanese ambassador spoke with a stern, and unmmoved expression, "Is that a threat, Ms. Tendou? I'm afraid that it wouldn't even be a considerable option, as how your sister is unable to leave our soil, ever again."  
  
"What about Ranma?" Nabiki asked innocently, reaching over, and stroking Bunny's fur. It opened one blood red eye with pink iris in the middle, and held it glaring at the ambassador. At Nabiki's comment, and the cute and fuzzy beast's gutteral growl, the Japanese official to New Zealand didn't feel well enough to retort.  
  
The New Zealanders present looked at one another. The majority of them had no idea what was said, but the name mentioned, the name of the Devil born under the rising sun that was prophecized to wipe their country clean of all life, told them it wasn't something in their favor.  
  
One of the present New Zealand officials smiled, nervously, "Please, we're all friends here. I think this whole situation has been... something of an overseeable mishap. Compensation isn't necessary, but we would feel much more secure to know that the servants of Whiro... er... Akane and Ranma are safe at home... andnotinNewZealand..."  
  
Ranma paused from his glaring contest with Akane, "That's the fifth time I heard them call us that."  
  
"Whiro... Moari god of evil, death, and darkness..." Nabiki mumbled, reading her mythology book. She napped it shut, and nodded, "Yup, sounds about right..."  
  
"So, why do we not all just presume this to be a *BIG* misunderstanding?" The new Zealand Minister of Foreign affairs continued, smiling and sweating nervously.  
  
The Japanese ambassador looked up at the man, before begrudgingly nodded, "It appears that you are off the hook."  
  
As he came to standing, the New Zealand official whispered in his ear, "I presume the Japanese goverment will be able to supply the necessary funds for our rebuilding..."  
  
With a sigh and a nod, they motioned their whole party to follow, hopefully they could put this whole incident behind them, only to be mentioned in legend of the two youthful dark ones.  
  
"You call, right?" Nabiki asked, hopefully, drawing a nervous look from the soldier she had been talking with.  
  
"This is all your fault," Akane accused, glaring at Ranma with no little amount of venom, mixed with some napalm, and liberally shaken.  
  
"My fault! If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have accidentally sunk that boat!"  
  
"The blame for that lies with you! I TOLD you I can't swim!"  
  
"Ya shouldda learned! And who was it that pushed me off the cliff in the first place?" Ranma demanded, placing his palms on the table.  
  
"Well you shouldn't have hit me with that boulder!" Akane argued, pointadly.  
  
Ranma threw his arms up in the air, "THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"  
  
"Well, who was it that 'accidentally' buried me upside down, half-naked in a graveyard?!?"  
  
"Well, heh, that was funny," Ranma replied, barely stifling his chuckle.  
  
"DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT IS, SIX FEET UNDER?!? I RUINED MY NAILS DIGGING OUT OF THAT GRAVE!!!"  
  
"Uh, you two... settle down now," Kasumi attempted to plead, realizing their rising tempers could very well lead to armageddon. Every one else began to back away from the table, leaving Ranma and Akane to their faceoff.  
  
"THAT'S IT, YOU JERK! IF YOU WANT TO PLAY IT THAT WAY, FINE WITH ME!"  
  
"HA! Whaddya think you're going to do, ya uncute, flat-chested, lame-brained, couldn't-get-a-boyfriend-so-should-stick-to-girls, poor imitation of femeninity?"  
  
"Nonononononononononononono..." Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun attempted to whisper, but found no sound able to leave their throats, as their breaths were caught.  
  
Akane's eyes narrowed in cold fury, having been pushed well over the edge of caring now, "This means war, you know...?"  
  
Ranma met her gaze, "Give it your best shot..."  
  
Several moments later, the sounds of the normal bustle within Nerima were disturbed by a noise akin to a moon-sized meteor slamming into the Earth... 


	25. Chapter 24 'The Brat Wars' Pt 7

Tender Loving Care  
  
Ranma favored a beaming Akane with a half-lidded stare, while he continued to sit cross-legged, "Was that supposed to intimidate me?"  
  
Nabiki stared incredulously at the spot Ranma was approximately .04 seconds before the loud, rather intimidating *bang* went off, "INTIMIDATE YOU?!? SHE FREAKING BLEW UP A LAND MINE UNDER YOU!!!"  
  
Kasumi stared, utterly pale, "Th-that... that wasn't there before... I swear it wasn't there before!"  
  
Akane shrugged, before getting up from the spinters that were left of the table. "That was just to get your attention, Ranma. You're playing in the big leagues now..." With that, Akane walked off, heading for the stairs. Having witness someone attempt to bring great harm to it's master, Bunny decided that great harm was still necessary to be visited upon someone.  
  
With a mighty roar and teeth not large enough to fit into the mouth of a sabretooth, much less a fluffy white rabbit, Bunny attempted to greet Akane with untold agony. The smell of ozone, the enhanced sound of a bug zapper, and a loud yip, sounded the outcome of that attempt. Akane sniffed the air, before putting her tazer away, "Kasumi, how about fried chicken, tonight?" Akane continued upstairs, oblivious to the twitching, blackened mess that had been at her feet. Bunny rolled over, coughing out a ring of smoke.  
  
Ranma narrowed his eyes; attempting to blow him up was one thing, but to attack a man's pet...  
  
________________________  
  
Kasumi yawned, as she got up for the morning. After Ranma and Akane's declaration, the scene had been disturbingly quiet. The Tendous and Genma had been jumping at shadows all yesterday, just awaiting for the war to end all wars to truly begin. ironically, Kasumi felt a hint of disappointment, as nothing happened. Could the two have been bluffing? Would they seriously attempt to remove one another from existance via a series of pranks no sane person could ever surmise, that even the most sadistic would consider mere 'pranks'?  
  
"Right," Kasumi said, opening the door to the bathroom, walking in, and beginning to remove her clothes, "After my bath, I'll finish packing up, and move in with a friend. Yumi said I was more than welcome to come visit her in England..."  
  
________________________  
  
Soun was the third to wake up in the morning. His daughter Kasumi was always the first one up, followed by Akane.  
  
At the name that came to mind, Soun found himself alert and ready. Nothing happened the previous day, but he knew that was only because they were both preparing. This was to become a serious situation that no law enforcment, military, or parental diciplinarion could ever contain. It was best to settle at a distance, and allow them to work it from their systems.  
  
Soun carefully looked around, before gently opening the door to the bathroom. As he did so, he quickly stepped to the side, awaiting for any heavy blasts to launch forth. Instead of an immense 'boom', all he heard was whimpering.  
  
"Curious..." Soun whispered, as he looked in.  
  
"Um... hello, father?" Kasumi greeted, meekly, as she was bound to the ceiling, nude, in a bondage pattern Soun had only seen in the most daring of magazines. Kasumi continued to grin, nervously, "Could you possibly... little help, please?"  
  
Soun closed his eyes, "Kasumi, dear. You are a grown woman, and I respect your privacy, and your... vices. But please, if you must, contain them to your room..."  
  
"BUT FATHER, I-" her voice was cut off, as Soun closed the door, shook his head, and decided to go use the public baths for the morning.  
  
________________________  
  
Nabiki woke up, her mind too muddle to comprehend the dangers of what was about to happen on this day. Mornings were a weak spot for the middle Tendou sister, not quite being the morning person her other sisters were. Nonetheless, she knew she had to face the day, of course, she never cared for the fact that she had to face it so early.  
  
Blearily, she stepped from her room, carrying a change of clothing for her bath, stopping as Ranma exited the guest room. "Hey, Nabiki."  
  
"Ranma," Nabiki greeted curtly and tiredly, as the pigtailed boy passed by. There was something, nagging her in the back of her mind, something she should fear like death looming over, but gosh darn it, if she just wasn't so tired to think! As Nabiki stepped into the hall, almost stumbling close the the guest room, she awoke slightly from the creaking board on the ground in front of the guest room. Gaining her bearings, Nabiki started towards the stairs, just before she heard a rumbling that seemed to be coming from behind her. Nabiki turned around, wondering what would me making all that noise this early in the morning...  
  
________________________  
  
Soun watched his middle daughter race down the stairs in wide-eyed panic, followed closely by a massive, round boulder. He blinked as Nabiki reached the bottom of the stairs, and dove to the side, just in time to avoid being mowed down. The boulder continued, rolling down the hall, and through the far wall.  
  
Slowly, Nabiki got up, staring incredulously at the heavily damaged staircase, before turning to her father in fright, "HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET *THAT* UP THERE?!?"  
  
"Is everyone okay?" Akane asked in a heavily worried tone, as she ran into the house while wearing her jogging outfit, "I heard a loud rumbling like a boulder, and..." Akane stopped, taking a look at the scene before her, finding Nabiki on the ground, her father staring at her with undisguised fear, and a damaged stairway, "...where's Ranma?"  
  
Kasumi walked from the direction of the bathroom, wrapped in a robe, and walking as if she were being impeded. "I would imagine he was in the bathroom this morning," Kasumi replied in a hollow, unamused version of her normally cheerful voice. "I'm afraid breakfast will be late, as I have to untangle this fishing wire from my body."  
  
Akane blinked, "What's gotten into her?"  
  
Ranma walked in from the back yard, having been sitting on the back porch while awaiting his turn at the bathroom. He stopped, allowing a flicker of irritation to pass across his features, and cheerfully greeted Akane, "Hey Akane, have a good run?"  
  
The youngest Tendou's eyes flared dangerously for a second, before she returned his smile, "Yup, really got the old blood flowing!"  
  
"That's good to hear," Ranma replied, "Don't you usually get home earlier to use the bathroom?"  
  
Akane shrugged, "You seem to tread awfully lightly in the mornings."  
  
Ranma shrugged back, "Force of habit." For several moments, both Akane and Ranma stared at each other, their cheerful expressions growing more and more faked.  
  
"What was all that racket? Can't a man get some sleep?" Genma growled, irritated by the sound of a large sedimentary rock rolling past his door.  
  
"Well, we better hurry if we want to make it to school in time," Akane stated, still not breaking away from the stare off.  
  
"Yeah, wouldn't want to be late, would we?" Ranma inquired, still staring at Akane intensely. With a snort, they both turned away from each other, and stalked off. Nabiki, Soun, and Genma looked at each other, nervously, before they were jolted by a blood curdling scream from Akane's direction, and a cry of pain from Ranma's.  
  
________________________  
  
Ranma walked on the fence, rubbing his chest from where the trip-wire activated, hydrolic steel battering ram connected with him head on, "You try'n ta kill me, you tomboy?"  
  
Akane looked up from where she was still finding leeches attached to her body through her school uniform, "Bucket of leeches above the door? how childish!"  
  
"Hmph," Ranma snorted, lifting his nose, "Leeches are supposed to be good for health, you know? Thought you could use them to help reduce those puffy eyes of yours, and maybe make you look less bloated all around."  
  
Akane growled to the point the vibrations could be felt against the ground. "Well, a battering ram must be great for toughening up, much better than a medicine ball!"  
  
"You think you're going to win this fight?" Ranma seethed, "You're fighting my type of battle, and in any fight, period, Ranma Saotome never loses-WHA?!?"  
  
The part of the wall Ranma had been walking on gave way, sending him plummeting into the drainage canal. Akane waited patiently for Ranma, checking her watch to make sure they still had plenty of time for school. A soggy redhead climbed from onto the wall, holding a jackhammer that was hidden behind it near the base. Ranma glared at Akane, before speaking, "You normally pass by this way on your jogging route?"  
  
Akane tilted her head, sweetly, "I like going different ways, every so often."  
  
Ranma turned away, snorting, "Whatever."  
  
Akane's smile grew larger, as she turned to head for school. just as she turned away, Ranma spun around, allowing her hands to become blurs behind Akane's back. Akane started walking forward, just as Ranma came to a stop.  
  
"Hmm," the redhead began to muse, "looks like it's gonna be a hot day."  
  
Akane looked over her shoulder, smirking, "Well, it's a good thing you got to take a cool dip, huh?"  
  
Ranma returned her expression, "Well, I would imagine your school uniform won't be too uncomfortable in this heat."  
  
Akane gave him a withering glance. In truth, the uniforms did tend to get pretty stuffy when the temperuatures got higher. She scoffed, deciding to ignore his petty barb about her suffering, and refused to give Ranma any of her dignity, as the redhead snickered behind her... 


	26. Chapter 25 'The Brat Wars' Pt 8

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
"Here she comes!" One of the boys shouted out from his lookout perch.  
  
"Good, this, we pledge, shall be the day we are finally victorious over Akane Tendou, and earn the right to date her!" The boy in hockey gear joined in the cheers around him after his speech. True, someone had to always give the same proclimation, and it was always fruitless, but it was much like a school pep rally against a rivaling team they hadn't beaten in years. Even with the odds heavily against their favor, they would keep hope.  
  
"Hey, Nabiki's girlfriend, Ranma's with her... you don't think...?" the boy assigned to lookout trailed off, fearful that the middle Tendou sister had the girl back her little sister up this time.  
  
"Maybe if we beat them both, we can earn a date with the two of them at once!" Every boys' mind lit up, as they became focused on the battle nearly tenfold. The image of Akane and the girl favoring redhead provided more motivation than any prep speech ever could.  
  
"That's weird... Akane hadn't broken into a run yet!"  
  
The small army of boys looked up at their scout in the tree, confused. "Maybe she's going to just submit to us?"  
  
The boy baulked, as he watched Akane through his binoculars, "She's.... she's smiling..." That threw the gang into even more confusion. Unsure of what had gotten into Akane, they decided they would graciously ask her what put her in such a great mood, after they thoroughly beat the crap out of her.  
  
"Here she is!" the nominated leader of today's mob shouted out, one of the members of the school's European fencing team, "Stratagy seventy eight!"  
  
None of the boys knew what that was anyhow, but got into position nonetheless. As soon as Akane strolled in the gates, occasionally glancing sideways at her redheaded companion, the pervert squad charged en mass, like the legendary German Lightning Strikes of World War Two. Akane continued to walk forward, even after Ranma drifted back, waiting for the show to start, seeming oblivious to the harmful intent of the boys around her.  
  
Their procliations of love and mortal wounds came, as they raised their weapons to strike viciously. At the spectable, Akane tilted her head, "Hey guys, you all seem pretty fired up today!"  
  
Like an airplane that had acheived sufficient velocity to take off, yet suddenly attempted to brake itself to an abrupt stop, the hoard of boys screeched in their tracks, stopping just short of dogpiling Akane. The most dangerous predators of nature, the ones that are generally feared by all the others in their enviorment, even they know when to fear. Even against an unseemingly rival or enemy, there was an instinct that just kicked it, warning them on the most basic of levels they were about to get tore up royally. An angry, boy hating Akane was one thing, but a smiling, cheerful Akane...  
  
Words could not describe the utter terror they were experiencing.  
  
"What' with all of them?" One of the girls standing by enquired, as she looked upon the statues of petrified boys. Akane continued to smile, and walk between them as if nothing abnormal occured. Ranma snorted, and snapped her fingers. She had expected the boys maybe not to beat Akane, but force her into rigerous motion.  
  
___________________  
  
Ranma and Akane continued to glance at one another during class, expecting some form of trechary from each other. The palpable aura that surrounded the two had everyone in the class nearly studdering fearfully, even if they didn't know the reason why. Because of this lack of knowledge, they attempted to go along with their lesson.  
  
The temporary cold war lasted several minutes through the class, before Akane suddenly made the opening volly. Standing up with a scandalized expression, Akane pointed at the redhead that was seated next to her, "RANMA! I DON'T KNOW, NOR DO I WANT TO KNOW HOW ENDOWED MR. SAKAMOTO IS!!!"  
  
"WHAT?!?" Ranma shot to standing, shocked herself by Akane's outburst.  
  
"Perhaps the two of you can ponder how... *ahem*... endowed I am, while holding buckets... in the hall?"  
  
Ranma blinked, before turning her glare to Akane, wondering what the raven-haired girl's game was. As she was getting up, Akane did the same, seeming not to notice the loose piece of paper she had knocked from her desk. Ranma obviously hadn't noticed it, as her foot landed upon it.  
  
"Ranma!" Akane cried out, as she saw the redhead beginning to slip. In an attempt to be helpful, Akane darted towards the other girl, attempting to help arrest her fall, but gosh darn it, Ranma's desk was in the way! Such a valiant and selfless act failed, as Akane tripped forward over Ranma's desk, pushing the other girl away...  
  
Right through the classroom window...  
  
The classes chuckles at Akane's outburst, followed by her display of clumbsiness, quickly changed to cries of shock and worry, as they all rushed to the windows. Sure they had witness Ranma plunge headfirst from the bilding before and save herself, but that was obviously a controlled descent. Much further to their surprise, they found the redhead three stories down, rubbing the back of her head and glaring up in irritation.  
  
Mr. Sakamoto swallowed dryly, rather relieved that he wouldn't have to be held accountable for the death of a student, but dumbfounded on how said student managed to even survive the fall unsatched. Attepting to regain some of his composure, he addressed Akane with a shaken voice, "Ms. Tendou...."  
  
Akane shrugged defensively, "It was an accident!" At the motion, the already stressed school uniform gave way via the weakened and tampered with threads in the back, which left the youngest Tendou girl dawning a suit wholly inappropriate for school. It wouldn't have been ALL that bad... if Ranma wasn't so thorough with the undergarments as well...  
  
___________________  
  
"Lousy perverted jerk!" Akane grumbled, now wearing a loaner uniform from the school, as she went into the girl's bathroom. She merely pushed him out of a window three stories high, leaving her naked in front of the WHOLE CLASS was just going too far! "When I'm done with you, Ranma, you'll be BEGGING for my mercy!" With that, Akane entered one of the bathroom stalls, and slammed the door shut to take care of her business.  
  
___________________  
  
"Hey, did you find out what that redhead chick, Ranma, what she was doing with those rolls of toiletpaper in the chemistry lab?" One boy asked, as he walked down the hall with another boy.  
  
"IT BURNS! IT BURNS! GODS IT BURNS LIKE WRATH OF THE HELLS!!!"  
  
Both boys were left speechless, as Akane ran from the bathroom with her panties at her ankles, screaming hysterically while holding her crotch.  
  
"Um, I think I left something totally back in the *other* direction," the first young man stated, adimantly, as he urgently pulled the shoulder of his classmate along with him.  
  
"No, I didn't see anything..." the other boy mumbled, deciding a display of ignorance was for the best.  
  
___________________  
  
Ranma chuckled, enjoying the oh-so-satisfying screams of a certain tomboy; teach her to push him out of a window again when he's not expecting it. The redhead decided that one-upping Akane was thirsty work, and stopped for a nice cool drink...  
  
The last thought that went through Ranma's mind before she blacked out from being shot through the school ceiling was how Akane managed to get that much water pressure built up.  
  
___________________  
  
Akane was familiar with the chemical compound Ranma had 'livened' the toilet paper in the girl's bathroom with, and was currently in the home ec. room rectifying it with butter. After she was done, and she took a quick shower in the girls locker room, she would make sure Ranma experienced pain a hundred times more potent. Just then, the sound of every water faucet exploding in Furinkan, each one becoming a mighty geyser, along with a decidingly familiar cry of pain, sounded like glorious trumpets to Akane's ears. It wasn't the worst she would do to Ranma, but it certainly cheered her up.  
  
Just as she was about to wander off to make sure Ranma was okay (and if she was, rectify that condition), the sound of paper spontaniously turning to ash was heard over the noise of skyrocketing water, and the temperature of the home ec. room jumped to uncomfortable heights.  
  
"Akane Tendou," a trifold, etheral voice demanded of Akane's attention, "I have come to discuss your intentions with my Sweet Ranma..."  
  
___________________  
  
Ranma came to, thoroughly irritated from falling from the air for the second time that day, to be greeted by the sight of Akane running in wide-eyed panic, just before diving to the ground, narrowly dodging the massive, concrete melting fireball that had been lobbed by a certain Ranma-infatuated Hindu deity.  
  
At least Ranma's day was looking up.  
  
___________________  
  
"You're turn, Ranma," the girls gym teacher stated, calling the redhead to the balance beam. Smugly, Ranma leaped onto the gymnast's beam, easily displaying her finely honed martial arts skills. Just then, a basketball crashed into the ceiling above the redhead, which was followed by the sound of wood groaning, before the ceiling gave in, down towards Ranma.  
  
Akane rushed towards the pile of rubble and gym weights, after retrieving the basketball she had lost control of. "Wow, I wonder how several tons of weights got all the way up there, stacked suspiciously in one area so where even the slightest disturbance to the ceiling they were on top of would collapse onto any unsuspecting individual that would happen to be under it?" Akane asked, curiously.  
  
Ranma's leg twitched from where it had been sticking out from under the massive pile.  
  
Akane shrugged, and went back to her basketball game, as one girl stared after her. That oblivious smile Akane was wearing... she remembered that smile from long ago. It was a smile that promised untold suffering, misery, and potential death.  
  
It was the smile of Akane... THE Akane...  
  
Everyone present turned to the high pitched shrill scream, followed by the hysterical cries of "SHE'S BACK, OH GODS, AKANE'S BACK!!!"  
  
The girl in question frowned, "It's not like I went anywhere for that long..." Even if the exclamation went over her head, their fellow students understood, and it wasn't long before news would spread of the danger throughout the halls of Furinkan High.  
  
___________________  
  
The final schoolbell rang, allowing every student that had remained that day to run screaming in terror, followed shortly by the teachers. Both Akane and Ranma exited the building, glaring daggers at one another. As annoying as it had been, neither found the other's attempts all that impressive. Despite of this, Ranma and Akane found their rival's pranks a little more than irritating. Each one decided that the time for niceties were through.  
  
It was time to bring out the big guns. 


	27. Chapter 26 'The Brat Wars' Pt 9

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
Ranma and Akane glared at each other from opposite sides of the room. The intensity of their expressions let everyone know that it had gotten serious. No, not serious as in 'hey, that could get someone hurt' serious, more like, 'Uh... I wouldn't do that shit if I was you' serious.  
  
Genma, Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi looked between the two combatants, well understanding that they were about to witness all kinds of that 'shit'. Unfortunately, the were unable to move, sitting there frozen at ground zero at the impending disaster. It was like a nuclear bomb, they couldn't run fast enough, regardless if it hadn't gone off or not.  
  
The tension all around as choking, deafening, and just plain uncomfortable. Being the proper hostess she was, Kasumi couldn't have any of that.  
  
"W-would anyone like some t-tea?" she enquired in her best tone, bringing herself to stand almost jerkingly. Any grace she normally demonstrated was lost in her... how should this be described... stark, utter TERROR, as she took her duty as a temporary escape.  
  
Soun and Nabiki dropped to the floor flat, covering their heads, and praying to whatever gods would accept them in the afterlife. Genma's head shot up, darting back and forth like a sparrow on crack, as he looked around to identify the loud bang that suddenly disturbed the silence.  
  
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!" Kasumi repeated hastefully; her eyes wide as she reached down to steady the tea table her leg banged against when she stood. The only ones that seemed undisturbed by the noise was Akane and Ranma.  
  
Suddenly, both of them slowly stood in unison, before taking a couple of steps away from the table. They both suddenly darted in opposite directions, startling everyone else who had remained.  
  
And thus, it had begun...  
  
______________________  
  
Akane grinned evilly, as she entered her from after 'preparing'. She fought the urge to cackle, deciding to hold it when she was with her family and dear Uncle Genma to identify the body. So, the obnoxious jerk thought he could contend with her? This was going to be more fun than-  
  
"OUCH!" Akane shouted, suddenly coming to a stop as she entered a full meter into her room. Blinking at the sudden sharp pain she felt in her thigh, she reached back, and closed her door.  
  
::TWANG::  
  
::TWANG::  
  
::TWANGTWANGTWANGTWANGTWANGTWANG...::  
  
The youngest Tendou daughter's ears perked up, at the sound of twine going taunt. Akane almost rolled her eyes, irritated that her nemesis had been in her room, and the fact that he was a one-trick pony.  
  
It was then that she realized she couldn't see his trademark fishing twine.  
  
A bit more wary, Akane narrowed her eyes, and slowly turned around. The sunlight that had entered her room glimmered off of almost microsopic thin threads that gimmered every so often. Slowly dropping to one knee, Akane removed her blouse, and tossed it in the direction of the door. Much to her shock and confirmation, it drifted a couple of feet, before it was shredded to ribbons.  
  
"Oh..." Akane said, realizing her problem...  
  
______________________  
  
Ranma lay in the middle of his and his father's room, reading a new manga he had pilfered from Nabiki's room. Ah yes, peace and quiet. As hectic as it had been since his arrival, he had not been able to relax. How was he supposed to maintain his center if everyone had to make a ruckus? Why, it was enough to turn one homicidal!  
  
::WHAM!!!::  
  
Ranma jumped at the sound of the door sliding upon and slammed against the frame. Before him, stood a half naked and glowing Akane. With a frown, he sat up, irritated that here were only to his count around four dozen deep and bleeding nicks on her. "Don't you know how to knock?"  
  
"Youuuuuuuu BASTARD!" Akane seethed, closing the door behind her to keep the affair private, while raising a bloody finger in accusation, "YOU'VE BEEN IN MY ROOM!!!"  
  
Ranma blinked, then shrugged, "It's not like I haven't been in there before."  
  
"YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" She then accused, her eyes widening frighteningly moreso.  
  
Ranma sighed, and laid back down to read his manga, "Na, you woulda stopped moving... after losing a limb... I guess," Ranma commented, disinterested in her temper tantrum.  
  
Akane growled, before suddenly shouldering a five foot PVC tube with a shoulder rest and handle. Ranma suddenly smelled the chemical reactions the object had issued in the past, and his eyes widened.  
  
______________________  
  
"You're move, Tendou," Genma stated, doing admirably well not to seem as frightened as he actually was.  
  
Soun didn't have that problem, as he was in denial that the situation was even happening, "Hmm, so it is..."  
  
Both of them gave no reaction to the loud, thundering boom that came from overhead, nor to the shattering of the ceiling above them, or to the wall next to them collapsing, or the new crater joining the previous one in their back yard.  
  
"I suggest we move out," Soun stated calmly.  
  
______________________  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?" Ranma screeched, looking at the damage caused by the projectile that was just lobbed at him.  
  
Akane adjusted the aim on her homemade potato gun, before growling her reply, "I'M SWATTING A FLY!!!"  
  
Ranma dodged out of the way, just as he saw Akane pull the trigger, and just barely evaded the terminal velocity spud. "YOU'RE GONNA DESTROY THE PLACE!"  
  
"WELL IF YOU WOULD STAND STILL THAT WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM, NOW WOULD IT!" Akane shouted, angry and aiming at Ranma again.  
  
The pigtailed boy gulped, as he looked at the results of the third shot towards him; his and his father's room had lovely southern view now, "IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A PRANK?!?" Ranma demanded, while concentrating on the small, hand sized dense rubber spear near his fingertips.  
  
Akane lowered her gun slightly, favoring Ranma with a smile, "Of course not... I JUST THINK SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH HOLES IN THEM!!!" Akane immidiately reaimed, deciding she would NOT miss this time. At that very instant, Ranma acted.  
  
Gripping the handball that he had been saving for a later occasion, he bounced it between Akane's legs, off the wood frame of the door, where it finally rebounded off the underside of the back of Akane's potatogun.  
  
"AWLP!!!" Akane screeched, as she felt her weapon tip towards her feet, while accidentally pulling the trigger.  
  
______________________  
  
Kasumi approached where her fathers had been with a tray of beer and snacks, and stood witness to what had been the result of Akane's potatogun. Frozen solid at the devistation, she began to tremble.  
  
The ceiling above her caved in with tremendous force, as an Idaho grown (notorious for their firmness), slammed through the tray of snacks.  
  
Kasumi looked down through the large hole in the metal tray, and the hole that looked like it had been drilled through the floor just an inch away from her toes; a ring of spilled beer and pretzels encircling it.  
  
Ignoring the loud splash outside in the fish pond, and the sounds of thousands of volts coursing through human flesh, Kasumi turned back to the kitchen woodenly.  
  
"Oh my. I better clean this up before it stains..."  
  
______________________  
  
With no little satisfaction, Ranma watched Akane rebound off the ceiling of his room, launched there by the force of her firearm, before landing outside the house in the fishpond.  
  
The pigtailed boy casually walked to where a wall between the room and the great outdoors stood, and addressed Akane, "Did you know a high voltage line runs directly under the new fishpond? Your father should have contacted the authorities before digging, that wasn't very safe!"  
  
"I-I-I-I w-w-will d-dest-t-troy y-y-you!-!-!-!" Akane studdered, attempting to gain her bearings, and grow accstomed to the smell of her flashfried body.  
  
Ranma shrugged, and turned away from the window, "You do that, and while you're at it, do something to take care of those burnmarks. You look uncute enough as it is already!" with that, Ranma walked away, whistling merrily to himself; quite proud to have mastered the tune 'Twisted Nerve'.  
  
Leaping over the hole in the floor, Ranma slid open the door to his room, and began to step out...  
  
::EEEEERRRRRRR KOOOMMM!!!::  
  
Ranma managed to maintain his conciousness, and was able to admire the craftsmanship of the one ton monolith hammer that swung into his face...  
  
______________________  
  
Nabiki knew better, she should have been long gone by now. Heck, her stuff was already packed, and at the door. But she just had to see the fall out.  
  
Like a rubbernecker at a trainwreck, Nabiki looked at the missing wall and part of the ceiling, then to the hole at her feet. She then looked up to the hole directly above her, complete with a falling body, "EEEEE!!!!"  
  
Ranma dug his finger into his ear, trying to relieve the strain they felt from Nabiki's screaming. Slowly bringing himself off the ground, or more appropriately the flattened Tendou sister, and dusted himself off nonchilantly.  
  
He looked up, irritated that he had forgotten that trap that Akane set up yesterday; falling for a day old trick, he was getting wayyyy to lax.  
  
He perked up, deciding he would just have to take his fustration out on a certain annoying tomboy. Yes, that perked his mood right up!  
  
Akane braced herself against one of the trees in her yard, shaking the static electricity from her mind. Just great, Ranma probably quadrupled the electric bill for the month with that little prank. She made a note to have Nabiki add it to the tab for his funeral expenses; being a guest whole and determined on making her life Hell was one thing, but it was downright rude to waste electricity!  
  
With unsteady steps, Akane went to the shed in the back yard, retrieving a pair of industrial strength wirecutters, and staggered back to the house, and up to her room. She just remembered something rather important... 


	28. Chapter 27 'The Brat Wars' Pt 10

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
"YES!" Akane shouted out holding an ancient looking videogame console with the word 'Atorii' written on it in Russian. Giddily, she ran from her room, and downstairs into the tea room. As if she couldn't do it fast enough, Akane worked to connect it to the television. "Please, please still work!"  
  
Crossing her fingers, she switched it on, and turned the TV to channel 4. She released her breath, and giggled, as the game prompt screen "Atori Classic" was displayed on screen. What a relief, sometimes it was just near impossible to get these old game systems to still work.  
  
She hit the action button on the old joystick to start the play. Boy had she missed this game! She had completely forgotten it when she had to hide it from her mother long ago. Now she was able to relive some much appreciated nostalgia.  
  
_______________________  
  
Somewhere, a few hundred miles above earth, a long dormant satellite awoke; it's powercells fully charged from it's rest surging energy through out the complex, second hand Russian electronics.  
  
_______________________  
  
Akane forgot how long this thing took to load; a sad problem with older game systems. No matter, she was patient. Her wait paid off, as an 8 bit rendering of earth appeared on the screen. It then blinked out, before reappearing over a rough map of Japan. The picture flickered out again, before it showed a general map of the Tokyo districts. Below the image, text scrolled, "Please choose your target district."  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma walked out of the hardware shop, grinning happily. So, Akane thought she was a contender, Ranma resisted the urge to cackle wildly, lest the people around him stare at him funny. By the time he was done with the bratty upstart of a tomboy, she would be begging for his mercy, presuming she was still capable of any speech or motor functions.  
  
Oh yes, the day was certainly looking brighter yet. In fact, it just seemed to be getting brighter at the moment. Ranma blinked, that was weird, the day was suddenly nearly blinding, and when did the sun get such a pink tint to it?  
  
Ranma shielded his eyes, and looked up. Why, it wasn't just getting brighter, it looked like the sun was coming closer to the earth...  
  
_______________________  
  
"DAMN IT!" Akane shouted, as the little digitized digitized sprite edit of Super Mario, complete with an 8 bit pigtail, leapt out of the way of the red line. Scrunching her face in concentration, Akane was ready to game. She may have forgotten the difficulty level, but it certainly wasn't enough of a challenge to put her off of the fun!  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma turned slowly to the spot he had just been standing in, staring wide-eyed at the fifteen feet wide molten crater that inhabited what used to be part of the sidewalk and a building. The sky had returned to it's normal color, so he decided to cautiously approach the devestation, hoping to figure out a sign of its origin.  
  
Just as he did so, the sky started to turn hot pink again. Quickly, he leapt onto a nearby rooftop, and to the next adjacent building. Just as he cleared the gaps between them, the first building was bisected by a roaring whitish-pink ray. If Ranma didn't know better, the energy signature of that beam seemed typically Russian.  
  
"Oh crap," Ranma shouted, running for the next building as the sky changed color again. He just barely made it, as he felt the intense heat upon his back, and the two story store collapsed. He was pretty positive who was behind it, but sincerely doubted that *she* could get ahold of a Russian death satellite. He priced those suckers a while back, and decided they just weren't worth the cost for their reputation of durability. They had a shoddy warrenty behind them, too.  
  
If it was indeed Akane, he was certainly going to mock her for her cash sense. Just leave it to a girl to spend money on such an overpriced piece of crap.  
  
He held that thought, as he dove for cover once again.  
  
_______________________  
  
"Akane?" Soun called out, as he came back downstairs from carrying his middle daughter to her room. "Dr. Tofu should be here in a few minutes or so to check up on Nabiki. Unfortunately your sister had a bad spill, so it would be greatfully requested if you could possibly keep the roughhousing with Ranma down to a minimum?" There, Soun exercised his authority as a parent. Now he was ready exercise his legs, if Akane so much as looked at him wrong.  
  
"Alright, Dad," Akane called out, distractedly. She growled in fustration, as the pigtailed Mario zipped around, dodging the red beams. Didn't Ranma realize how hard it was to aim with an old Atorii joystick? They weren't exactly analog sensitive, after all.  
  
"Hmm? What's this?" the patriarch of the Tendou family enquired, as he entered the tearoom cautiously, and found his daughter engrossed in a videogame he used to recall her playing avidly when she was younger, "Oh, where did you find this?"  
  
"Back of my closet," Akane quipped, before snapping her fingers; she almost had him.  
  
"Indeed," Soun replied, relieved that his daughter was playing something as passive as a videogame, and not wreaking mass destruction on the populace...  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma was starting to become a little worried as he glanced back to the path of demolition behind him. There was a bee-line of demolished buildings, as well as destroyed streets, cars, and other constructs left in his wake. He just knew he was going to get blamed for all this. He picked up the pace, as the sky turned pink again...  
  
_______________________  
  
"I must say, that does look like fun," Soun finished, before turning to leave the room, "I hope you continue enjoying yourself.  
  
Akane paused, and looked at her father with a thoughtful expression. Even if he wasn't turned around, Soun felt a shiver run down his spine under his daughter's scruteny. "Hey, Dad, you want to try?" Akane asked, suddenly, holding the joystick to him.  
  
Soun gulped, not really wanting to be in the room with her too long, but knew refusal was about as good idea as shoving an angry cobra down the front of his boxers, "Well, I suppose I have a few moments."  
  
Akane smiled, as she scooted over to allow her father to sit in front of the television.  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma wiped the sweat from his brow, glad the deadly rain finally ceased, if only for the time being. The shots were starting to come pretty close, and even if he was confident they wouldn't ever hit him, he was beginning to feel uncomfortably murky from the blasts' heat.  
  
He groaned, as the tell-tale tinge of the air around him told him breaktime was over. Ranma deftly leapt away from where the blast just landed, then suddenly yipped, and dodged again. Before his feet barely hit the ground, he was forced to dive once more.  
  
_______________________  
  
"Persistant fellow, isn't he?" Soun commented, jovially, as he repeatedly tapped the button in rapid succession. Akane felt a little jealous, not having ever realized that she could fire off rapid blasts by tapping the button instead of holding it down. Oh well, at least her father was having fun, it seemed.  
  
"Hello? Mr. Tendou?"  
  
"Hello, doctor, Nabiki's upstairs," Soun called out, absently, "O-ho! almost had him that time!" Tofu looked in to find the father of the Tendou family, playing videogames with his daughter. Tofu shook his head in mirth at the touching scene of family bonding, and headed upstairs to Nabiki's room.  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma rolled, then dove, then leapt backwards from the trio of beams that seemed to have been anticipating exactly where he was going to land. He now had doubts Akane was behind it, since she was far from good enough to anticipate his moves like that. Still, that was the only lead he had, and decided to ensure that it wasn't his bratty rival instigating it all.  
  
In full focus mode, Ranma made a furious dash, ensuring that his path was erratic as possible. Everywhere he zipped, a large hole of magma or molten tar was left in his place. Despite this, Ranma remained confident. It would take more than an orbital instrument of destruction to defeat him!  
  
_______________________  
  
"Well, it just looks like a bad sprain in your wrist and ankle," Tofu stated, checking Nabiki's ankle, "As well as a minor concussion, nothing too serious. Should be okay in a few days, but you'll have to rest until you can heal."  
  
"keep off of it? You mean like remain here... in this house...?" Nabiki whimpered, instantly trembling at the thought.  
  
The good doctor blinked at the reaction, "Uh, yeah, well you can go to school in a in a day or so, I guess, but I wouldn't suggest exessive travel, heh heh."  
  
"Tofu, I have to get out of here, now!" Nabiki demanded, panicked.  
  
Tofu looked at her with a queer expression, "What's so important that you have to leave in such a rush?" Tofu smiled warmly at the girl, hoping to convey the message that whatever couldn't be more important than her health.  
  
"Akane... SHE'S RE-AWAKENED!"  
  
Tofu's smile twitched, but remained in place, "Well, I just remembered. I recently joined the Peace Corps, and I'm supposed to participate in a peace mission in Zapatista. Hope you feel better soon!" With that, Tofu turned, and quickly bolted out of the room.  
  
"WAIT! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" Nabiki futily shouted, before struggling to pull herself out of bed, and falling flat on her face.  
  
_______________________  
  
"Why, I remember when I used to be one of Japan's champions in Galaga!" Soun bragged, really finding himself working hard to pin the spry sprite.  
  
"Uh huh, I see," Akane replied, a bit bored. It was nice of her father to show interest, but she was rather irked that he was bogarding her game.  
  
"Akane- dear, what does this '100%' thing mean?"  
  
"Oh, you have full burst," Akane replied, disgruntled. She wanted to use the full burst. "Just hold the button down, and the beam will fire while you can still control it.  
  
"Interesting, I shall win this, yet!" Soun proclaimed, holding the button down.   
  
Neither paid attention, as Tofu flew down the stairs, gave a curt fairwell to Soun and Akane, before reaching the front door. As he opened it, he was met with the sight of Ranma leaping over the bordering wall, being trailed by a wide, pink laser. "Oh..." was all Tofu could comment.  
  
"Hmm, interesting, that princess with the mustached ogre fellow seems quite a bit like us, does it not, Akane?" Soun observed, before laughing heartily.  
  
Akane's eyes went wide, "GET DOWN!!!"  
  
_______________________  
  
Ranma was almost home free, but the laser behind him suddenly wasn't cutting off. Instead of stopping like he intended to, Ranma raced through the front yard, leapt up and onto the roof of the Tendou home, and launched himself as far as possible, ignoring the way the laser cut through the house like a red hot razor blade through luke warm butter.  
  
_______________________  
  
"What... interaction..." Soun chocked out, as stoically as possible with his hair sticking out on end. Akane sat up, and shreaked at the sight before her. The TV and game system were practically demolished, with the TV's picture rolling the game's completion message in Engrish "A Winner is YOU!". Both the TV and console exploded almost immidiately afterwards.  
  
"NO!"  
  
_______________________  
  
The satellite 'Sbuttlick' powered down, no longer recieving signals from the control console, never to be utilized again.  
  
_______________________  
  
It didn't take a genius to put the fact together where the attacks were originating from, since they ceased as soon as the Tendou home was cleaved in half. Akane was too dangerous to toy around with, Ranma realized, it was time to put her down.  
  
"Brothers, we take this respite from conflict, to heed the words of the messiah, who has deemed it fit to visit upon us, and praise us with his everlasting GLORY!" Brother Joe proclaimed, inciting his brethern to a zealous frenzy, "Let us hail our new age savior, RANMA!!!"  
  
"Hey guys," Ranma greeted, walking out onto the platform with a happy smile, "I have a little problem that really needs to be taken care of..." 


	29. Chapter 28 'The Brat Wars' Pt 11

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
"That felt great!" Akane chirped, as she stretched her arms, and sat up in bed. It had been a while since she had gotten an exellent nights sleep like that; it was as if last night had been made to relax. Her soft bed, her fluffy pillow, and her warm blankets contrasting with the cool air caused by the crisp, clean bisection through her room, caused by an errant satelite of death, all provided such a soothing slumber.  
  
Languishly, the raven haired girl pulled herself out of bed, idly wondering why she was even bothering to get up so early for a non-school day. Just as well, she didn't feel like she could stay in bed for much longer. Gathering her bath supplies, Akane opened the door to her room, and yawned before bidding a good morning to her nervous sister Kasumi, and the dozen or so hostile robed men with spears, shields, handgrenades, nylon rope, a possum, and pitchforks standing behind her.  
  
Akane stepped back into her room, calmly closing the door. After setting down the bath supplies, she went to her closet, and chose an outfit. Yes, the pink woolen sweater with black leggings, she also thought it would look nice with her baby blue bracelet... on second thought, with her long hair, maybe it would be better to wear the dark blue flannel with the leggings.  
  
After much debate, Akane finally settled on a cute navy blue dress with a dark gray undershirt. Satisfied with her outfit, she then changed out of her pajammas, and headed towards her window. She opened it, relishing the cool morning breeze that met her face, and proceeded to climb out of it while ignoring the army of robed men, carrying various weapons, flags of different colors, and facimilies of Akane hanging from a noose while ablaze.  
  
once firmly on the roof, she walked over to the insulated line connecting from her roof to a nearby telephone pole, removed the ribbon holding her hair from her head, looped it over the line, and used it to make her escape.  
  
"THERE, BRETHREN, THE FOUL JEZEBEL ATTEMPTS TO FLEE! HONOR OUR SAVIOR RANMA, HUNT THE EVIL DEMONESS DOWN AND SLAY HER!" Brothe Joe proclaimed, earning a multitude of hails from the legions about him. As one, they marched forth, intent on not letting the girl they recognized as the anti-Christ that must be slayed, lest the bowels of the Earth rupture forth the darkest evils that could possibly exist.  
  
Akane skiddled down the telephone pole, dusted herself off, and began to skip away. It was such a nice day for a stroll, she decided, if one just wouldn't be bothered by the mass army of psycho-zealots following her.  
  
______________________  
  
Kasumi remained standing at Akane's door, long after the early morning guests departed. They had been asking for Akane, and though they were awfully polite, they didn't seem like they were interested in being hospitable to her younger sister.  
  
Things had gotten out of hand. Correction, things had gotten royally FUBAR beyond the scope of anything Kasumi has even glanced at in a history book, and for the life of her, she didn't know how to handle it anymore.  
  
Her Dad and her sister were both reduced to broken, quivering balls of flesh locked in the fetal position, with Kasumi's own desire to make sure everything turned out okay being the only thing keeping her from joining them. Unfortunately, she had no control over anything. Mr. Saotome feared him, and Ranma was practically beyond her influence. Even attempting to lightly chide him earned her his petty retribution, and she remembered 'fondly' what happened to anyone who attempted to quell the youngest Tendou sister in their earlier youth. They still haven't found a few of the missing persons. And though Akane swore she never killed anyone, even indiretly, she did proclaim that it was their own faults if they did die. That comforted the authorities very little.  
  
There was only one person that could control Akane, and even curb her bratty attitude until it seemed to disappear from the girl, leaving her a sweet, if not psychotically violent, girl.  
  
Not knowing what else to do, Kasumi went to her room to get dressed to leave the house. It had been a while since she had visited her mother's grave.  
  
______________________  
  
"Hello Mr. Toshida," Akane greeted, skipping by the old man who was watering his lawn early in the morning.  
  
"Why, Hello Akane dear, out for your morning jog I see."  
  
"Um, you could say that..." Akane replied. She paused in thought, "Say, Mr. Toshida, could you look around the corner and tell me if there is an army of robed zealots marching here?"  
  
"Why certainly, dear. Did I ever tell you you have the best manners?" The old man congradulated, as he walked around to the corner of his fence, "Well, whaddya know? There sure is, Akane dear."  
  
Akane pouted a bit, before perking up, "You still have that 1944 Type 100? I would sure love to hear the story on that!"  
  
Mr. Toshida smiled, it had been a while since someone was interested about his times during the Pacific campaign.  
  
______________________  
  
Kasumi stood at the gates of the grave yard, only having been there a few times, and always with family on the anniversary of their mother's death. It held the same nearly overwhelming despair that it did every time she had recalled being within, yet this time she didn't have the support of her sisters and father to brave it.  
  
Brave it she must, because her fear of her sister and their mutual fiance being out of control was more devestating than her irrational fear of the dead. Taking a deep breath, she strode into the hallowed grounds, intent on seeking spiritual guidance.  
  
______________________  
  
"DIE, DIE YOU FILTHY AMERICAN SWINE!!! SPILL YOUR DIRTY BLOOD FOR MY EMPEROR!!!" Kind Mr. Toshida shouted, wearing his old WWII helmet, while utilizing his archaic Type 100 machine gun with alarming proficiency. Akane nodded, impressed with the elderly man's ability, not to mention his ingenuity. So what if they didn't have bullets? A few nails, some baking soda, and a few other common household supplies brought the old weapon back to its prime.  
  
They both sat on the roof, as the old man worked zealously to put down the white robed devils that attempted to invade his home nation. The Winds of the Emperor would strike them down, repelling their evil campaign to dominate the noble Japanese. His unyeilding duty to his Emperor finally turned the tide, as the seemingly endless onslaught of evil foreigners began to retreat, screaming in agony from the blessed ammunition that adheared to them like pins to a small cushion. They were no match for the Japanese Imperial Army, they would win the war along with their German and Italian brethern with ease.  
  
Once she saw the opportunity, Akane quickly made her way down from the roof, feeling rather secure at the sound of the Geneva Convention edicts being broken in an alluring scatto sound, compiled with much screaming.  
  
Merrily, the youngest Tendou daughter went on her way, deciding she wouldn't be bothered any longer.  
  
"THERE SHE IS, BROTHERS! THE DEMONESS ATTEMPTS TO SEEK ESCAPE AS WE ARE DISTRACTED BY HER HELLISH FOOTSOLDIER! ONWARD TO GLORY FOR OUR SAVIOR!!!"  
  
The one she was starting to recognize as 'Brother Joe' again, she was getting rather tired of hearing his shouting. Akane considered the pillow factory that was not too far from there. The quality pillow factory with nice, soft, *sufficating* pillow down...  
  
______________________  
  
"Hello, mother," Kasumi whispered, putting her hands together in prayer, and bowing. "I would like to say we are all doing well and healthy, but..."  
  
Dropping to her knees in heavily fustrated exasperation, the eldest daughter and mother figure of the Tendou family continued, "It's Akane. She's... acing up again. And what's worse, our guest Ranma's encouraging her with the same behavior. I.. I just don't know what to do about the two of them! They'll tear the whole Tokyo prime apart if they aren't stopped! But I JUST don't know how!"  
  
Almost sobbing in despair, feeling completely impotent in the situation, Kasumi gave her heartfelt plea, "Please, if there was a way, just a sign... please give me some sort of omen..."  
  
As if at her call, a small breeze burst from nowhere, causing the grass to shudder, as the sun peaked a little brighter from beyond the clouds.  
  
______________________  
  
Ranma laid on Akane's bed, reading through a manga. He considered his actions, and thought this time he may have gone a bit too far. Sure She tried to flash fry him with an obital doomsday device, but it wasn't as if she would be able to actually tag him. Really, sending a legion of obsessive, bloodthirsty, unreasoning zealots after her to drink her blood and devour her mangled corpse in his honor was just way too exessive.  
  
Akane seemed like a survivor, and he dearly hoped she lived to make it back home. This whole ordeal was starting to get out of hand, and though he knew he would win in the end, he kinda liked where he was living currently; the total obliteration of Nerima just wouldn't sit well with him.  
  
Yes, and, well, he kind of did just get off on the wrong foot with the girl; they almost started out as friends, after all. Yup, Ranma now realized that it was time to just let bygones be bygones...  
  
"Heh heh, Naruto, when will you ever learn?" Ranma asked out loud, as he read Akane's manga, listened to her battery powered portable CD player, and munched on her stash of 'Hello Panda' snacks that Akane had hidden under her bed. 


	30. Chapter 29 'The Brat Wars' Finale

'Tender Loving Care'  
  
A beautiful yellow and green and red butterfly fluttered and frolliced in the gentle breeze, its radiant wings almost glowing in the early sun's light, as it danced to and fro. It was a carefree butterfly, actually much too stupid to be capable of any such things as concerns, and thus guided only by its instincts and the whims of fate. At this moment, fate chose to land this darling insect upon a pristine white picket fence.  
  
Such a creature of simplicity also was an intriguingly complex organism. Did you know butterflies taste with their feet, or that the wings of a butterfly are actually transparent? How about the fact that a butterfly has an average lifespan of thirty days...  
  
::BOOM!!!::  
  
Or less?  
  
Akane continued to skip past the once pristine white picket fence, now marred with a large chunk missing from it with it's edges smoldering and charred. The youngest Tendou pouted slightly; these guys weren't very good at this game. On the other hand, when Akane was in Junior High, she was the queen of dodgeball!  
  
To reaffirm her crown, she quickly turned, just as she realized one of the spheres were heading straight for her, and caught it easily. "Ha! You're out!" Akane proclaimed, before throwing it at a group of the men in white robes. She was bound to hit one of them, and with them grouped together like that, they'll stumble over one another trying to intercept her catch. See? Dodgeball genious, Akane Tendou was!  
  
Alas, one of the men managed to catch it and hold firm to it; there went Akane's crown.  
  
"Um... did she just..." The man holding the fist sized dark green sphere... well... oblonged sphere with the words painted in holy silver model paint 'Divine BOOM'on it.  
  
"BY TH PIGTAILED ONE, YOU'RE STILL HOLDING I-"

* * *

"Hey, is Kasumi back from where ever?" Ranma enquired, as he walked into the threshold of the tearoom. Neither the quivering ball that resembled Soun Tendou or the one that resembled Nabiki responded.  
  
Shrugging in indifference, Ranma ignored the sudden brilliant light from outside, and the mushoom cloud that followed, and decided he could make his own snack. Still, Kasumi had been out for a while, the pigtailed boy was growing slightly concerned about her.

* * *

Akane was depressed.  
  
She should have realized she had been out of practice for so long that someone may be capable of matching her md l33t dodgeball skills, but she was arrogant and prideful.  
  
Sighing whistfully, Akane perked up when they started playing a new game; flaming long darts.  
  
"Let's see her catch these," one of the charbroiled men growled, "READY THE SECOND VOLLEY!!" The holy archers knelt, and awaited their arrow heads to be alit. Once the task was done, they were given the order to fire again.  
  
Akane studied their trajectory, as they began to descend upon the telephone pole she was standing next to. She nodded, eyeing them as they buried partways into the concrete, and decided a winner, "You! The one with the mole on eyelid, you win!"  
  
"I... I did?" his brethren grumbled unintelligebly as the appointed man began celebrating.  
  
"FOR THE DIVINE RANMA, THIS ISN'T HORSESHOES!!!" Brother Joe cried out, "IF WE ARE TO PROVE OUR UNWAIVERING LOYALTY TO OUR SAVIOR, WE MUST SMITE THE SHE-DEMON THAT STANDS BEFORE US!!!"  
  
"Jeez, must he always talk in caps?" Akane groaned, cleaning the earwax from her ears. As much fun as she was having with her playmates, it was getting to be lunchtime. Kasumi's lunches were definitely not something to be missed.  
  
What was barely to be missed, was Akane's head.  
  
The Raven haired girl paused, when she felt her head much lighter. She reached to the back of her head, and quickly patted the flaming tresses out.  
  
"Dude, we cut her hair," one of the robed men mumbled, concerned.  
  
"Uh, actually we more had seared it off," another commented.  
  
Akane's undilating eyes turned towards the legions behind her, standing there dumbly, as if not sure what to make of the situation. It was one thing to actively try to brutally murder a sixteen year old girl in the name of your almighty lord and savior, but to cut her hair off with a flaming arrow...  
  
"You...."Akane seethed, as she glared at the wall of men, "How... how dare you..."  
  
The majority of them bowed their heads in shame, while others could not meet the girl's accusing gaze.  
  
At their apologetic contenence, Akane wasn't satisfied, "You realize how LONG it took me to grow my hair out? IT WASN'T EASY YOU KNOW?!?"  
  
"Um... we're sorry?" Brother Joe apologized, meekly.  
  
"You're sorry, huh?" Akane marched up to them, causing all of them to flinch at her angry approach. She got right in the face of Brother Joe, "Well, you're going to be REALLY sorry!" With that, the young girl shoved her way past the man, before shoving another one out her way, "MOVE IT! OUTTA THE WAY BEFORE I HURT YOU! MOVE!!!"  
  
All the diciples of Ranma watched dumbly, as Akane made her way through them to the other side of the wall, and marched home. After several minutes, they all finally realized something.  
  
"Uh, wouldn't it be a good idea to stop whatever she's about to do?" one of them asked.

* * *

Akane slammed the door behind her, and began to stomp down the hall. She paused, growled, and turned around. After removing her shoes, she turned back down the hall, and stopped at the base of the stairs. She heard her sister Nabiki whimpering in the tearoom, and made a slight detour, "Nabiki, cellphone. Now."  
  
Without question, the quivering girl reached out, and handed her youngest sister her cellphone. Akane took it, and marched upstairs. At that moment, Ranma walked into the tearoom, "Was that Akane? What's wrong with her?"  
  
Once again not getting an answer, Ranma decided to check to see if Akane was alright. She seemed to have quite an attitude coming in, and he wondered what set her off. As he was about to start up the stairs, he heard the front door slam open, and an army of feet rushing through the hall.  
  
Recognizing his loyal diciples, Ranma quickly blocked the stairway. "L-Lord Ranma?" Brother Joe questioned, wondering why their great deity was impeding them.  
  
"Shoes," Ranma commanded, "Kasumi will have a fit if she knew you didn't take them off before you came in here!"  
  
Quickly obeying their god, the robed men quickly rushed back to the front, left their shoes in a pile, and ran back. Ranma pulled himself to the side just in time to not get run over by the desperate zealots. Blinking in curiousity, Ranma followed them all, straight towards the room with the yellow duck on the door.  
  
"Alright, what's going on here... huh?" Ranma paused after shoving men out of his way, finding Akane flipping through a personal phone book, and then quickly dialing a number on Nabiki's cellphone...

* * *

Lance Corporal Amura looked up into the sky again, thankful for the lack of noise as he had been for over fifty years. The filthy American dogs knew not to attack this island, for Amura himself ensured that his position was heavily fortified. He had to, for he knew the Emperor's secret weapon was hidden there.  
  
Still, he wished he could have a little excitement, or at least his ol' pal Superior Private Toshida around for a good dirty joke or two.  
  
Amura paused, as he heard the noise behind him. Slowly, he turned, and saw the ground beginning to rise, before giving way to the tips, then the shafts of the great Emperor's final strike against the land of devils across the Pacific. After being installed only a scant few years ago, they were now to be the turning point in this war.  
  
lance Corporal Amura couldn't help but cheer, and also didn't note the fact that the gigantic missiles were aimed back West...

* * *

Nabiki froze, finally willing the bad things to go away. During her terror striken haze, she realized Akane had asked for her cellphone. The only time she had ever done that was...  
  
Faster than she had ever moved before, the middle Tendou sister bolted up the stairs, and to Akane's room.  
  
"STOP!!!" Akane commanded, as the holy platoon in her room, not including Ranma and Nabiki, approached her as one, "One false move and I press the pound button!!!"  
  
"Akane, you can't be serious!" Nabiki pleaded. Ranma blinked at the undistilled fear in Nabiki's voice, before realizing this might be something serious.  
  
"LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY HAIR!" Akane shouted, "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M SERIOUS!!!"  
  
Ranma looked between the sisters, "Uh, what's going on here?"  
  
Nabiki stepped back in shock, before she grew a cocky grin to cover her panic, "You're bluffing, Akane. We both know you couldn't raise the funds to buy the Uranium from the Iranians.  
  
"Alright, time out," Ranma had to interject, "Just how in the HELL is she able to afford uranium, or a death satilite for that matter?"  
  
"She has a paypal account," Nabiki answered, factually, "You'd be surprised at how many anarchists consider her a charitable cause."  
  
"BACK TO THE GIRL HOLDING YOUR LIFE IN HER HANDS, PEOPLE!!!" Once Akane was satisfied she was the center of attention again, "So I wasn't able to get the uranium, big deal. Remember my first attempt at veal stroganoff?"  
  
Nabiki paled, "Oh... GODS NO!!!"  
  
Akane nodded with a sinister grin.  
  
"But that'll take out the whole of Japan!!!" Nabiki's eyes narrowed, "Including yourself."  
  
At that reminder, Akane thought, and then shrugged, "Well, you can't make an omlette without leaving some toxic waste!"  
  
The majority in the room paused, and looked to Nabiki for clarification. "D-don't ask," Nabiki answered.  
  
Akane's insane laughter interrupted things, "Just a few minutes, and it's alllllllll over!" Akane suddenly felt the cellphone jerked from her hand, "HEY!"  
  
Ranma arched the fishing line, causing the phone to land in his hand. Calmly, he turned it off, and pocketed it, "Well, that's that." Ranma turned to leave, and abruptly paused.  
  
Akane was seeing red. How dare he, how DARE HE? She was going to make him pay, oh yes. She had so many beautiful ways to make him pay. None of them could actually stop her, Akane would prove this without much effort. If it was the last thing she did, she would have the last laugh.  
  
She crouched, ready to bum rush Ranma, before she noticed the pigtailed boy backing up from the door. Blinking, she looked beyond him, just in time to see an etheral blue glow in the hall, followed by...  
  
"Ka... Kasumi?" Nabiki enquired, backing up along with Ranma and his zealots.  
  
Kasumi cool, authoritative eyes focused on Akane, "Young lady, you are in big trouble!" 


	31. Chapter 30 'Mommys mean BUSINESS' Pt 1

Tender Loving Care 

"Kasumi?" Akane enquired firmly, growing impatient with the situation.

"You've been running amok long enough, young lady," Kasumi stated with a tone that brooked now dispute, as she marched into her sister's room. The zealots courteously stepped from her path, subtly rubbing whatever flesh had been exposed to eerily burning aura that the young woman was emitting.

"Seems like she's been getting away with murder, if ya ask me," Ranma commented, idly, earning a glare from the eldest Tendou daughter.

Akane narrowed her eyes in challenge, "Since when have you gotten in the habit of telling me what to do?"

Kasumi folded her eyes, and smirked haughtily, "Since the moment I gave birth to you, young lady."

Ranma, Akane, and the decuples blinked in unison.

"I wonder how she kept herself looking so young?" one of them commented.

Akane's face recovered from her shock back to anger, "Y-you think this is funny?"

"Well, I personally don't think it's 'ha ha' funny."

"SHUT UP!" Both Akane and Kasumi both demanded, causing the pigtailed boy to take a step back.

"INFIDEL! You have no right to speak to our messiah in such a way!" proclaimed one of the zealots, gaining hearty cheers of agreement from his brethren.

Kasumi turned and bowed, "Forgive me if you find my hospitality lacking..." She rose back up with a no-nonsense expression, "But in this house, I may talk to him as I see fit. If you have difficulty accepting that, then accept my apologies AND GET THE HELL OUT!"

"Geez, she's pushy," the quelled robed man mumbled, as he and his kin in worship turned to leave.

Ranma looked on, surprised to find his admittedly overzealous servants begrudgingly giving ground, but shrugged it off. He didn't REALLY want Akane dead and her corpse repeatedly violated, after all. Kasumi snorted distainfully, mumbling about ingrate houseguests, before turning back to the task at hand, "As for you, Akane-ducky, I... Akane?"

* * *

"Man, that woman's something of a bitch, isn't she?"

"Yeah, but I bet she's a real demon in the sack. Women like that always are."

"How would you know? You took a vow of chastity."

"I... I heard talk."

"Jerks," one of the shorter white garbed figures mumbled, as they left the Tendou grounds.

"What, like you weren't undressing her with your eyes, too!"

The indignant decuple jerked, as if finding the very notion disturbing. She was relieved of that mental picture, by the distraction of the white bed sheet she had been using as a cover was ripped from her.

"I believe this is one of the good linens you were using as a disguise, Akane-ducky," Kasumi stated in an unimpressed tone.

Akane baulked, finding the nick-name Kasumi called her by extremely disturbing, before her brow furrowed in anger, "That's not funny, Kasumi! Quit calling me-"

"THERE SHE IS, THE DEMONESS!!!"

"Can'ttalkgottarunbebackintimefordinnerbyeKasumi!"

"Don't you run away when I'm talking to you young... lady, sigh," Kasumi shook her head, when she realized she was only talking to a dust cloud in the shape of her youngest sister.

* * *

Akane was rather glad for holding the record for the hundred meter dash in her school, and it wasn't often she got a chance to prove it. From the distance left between her and Ranma's faithful covenant, they were probably impressed too.

Finding a nice, concealing wall to hide behind, Akane slumped against it, working to catch her breath, "Lousy jerk, taking away Nabiki's cell, she let me borrow it, fair and square! And where does Kasumi get off calling me by-"

"You know? That was an impressive sprint. Who woulda thought such a chunky girl like you was capable of that speed?"

Akane growled audibly, and looked up to see her pigtailed nemesis sitting on the wall, "You."

"Glad to see you too, Akane," Ranma greeted, leaping from the wall, "Quite a busy day, don't you think?"

"You..."

Ranma ignored the way Akane's hands were flexing for something to claw into, as her nostrils flared, "How long have you had this speech impediment?"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU JERK!"

"I thought I taught you better than to place blame on others, Akane-Ducky."

"AND WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME-eep!" Akane didn't so much 'eep' because Kasumi was behind her, but for the fact that she was actually...

"Your sister's floating six feet off the ground," Ranma nervously stated the obvious, "Why is she doing that?"

"COME ON!" the youngest Tendou daughter demanded, grabbing Ranma's hand and making a mad dash.

"You are SO asking for it, Akane!" Kasumi shouted out, highly irritated by Akane's behavior.

* * *

"THERE! THE BEAST REVEALS HERSELF YET AGAIN!"

"Guess you shoulda shaved your legs before leaving the house," Ranma observed, "And why am I being dragged along with you?"

"Shut up, this is your mess, so you're gonna help me out of it!" Akane jerked Ranma around another corner, evading an intercepting group of zealots.

"Oh, so I have something to do with Kasumi levitating, and you being hunted by a legion of crazed religious acolytes."

Akane glared sharply at the pigtailed boy.

Said pigtailed boy shrugged, "Alright, I did have a little hand in that, but at least this keeps them out of trouble."

"Quick, give me Nabiki's phone!"

"No!" Ranma retorted, "Who knows what nefarious plans you have for it! What you plan to do, make expensive long distance phone calls?"

"DON'T. TOY. WITH. ME! The excitable girl grabbed Ranma with both hands by the front of his shirt, at the end of her patience.

"Sheesh, you're pretty violent, too," the youngest Saotome quipped, favoring the girl with a flat gaze, "I gave it back to Nabiki, she seemed to want it a little more than me, anyways. Not like I have many people I want to call."

"DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!" Akane seethed, before she began to think, "Quick, give me a hundred yen!"

Ranma rolled his eyes, "Sorry, I don't loan money to friends."

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU!"

Ranma pouted, as if his feelings were hurt, before he gave Akane a disdainful look, "All the more reason not to lend you money."

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATHWISH?!?" Akane lifted Ranma off the ground, to emphasize that said wish was about to come true.

Ranma thought about it, "Well, there's a twelve foot minotaur that I like to call 'Pantyhose', a three hundred year old martial artist, a walking charbroil and cutlery, an obsessed direction-challenged guy with the strength of a monster, and a full village of man-hating, bloodthirsty warrioresses all out to mutilate and violate my corpse..." Ranma smiled cheerfully, "Now why would I want to die with all this going for me?"

"You're... you're just not sane," Akane said with some resignment, also realizing she needed his help at the moment, "Come on, we gotta find a poor smuck to con a coin from and find a payphone."

"If he was poor, he wouldn't have any money to spare, I would think," Ranma logically retorted, as Akane let him down. He was definitely glad that he 'decided' to help the girl out; he really didn't have anything else to do that day, and she was definitely livening things up.

Several yards above them, Kasumi observed them with her arms folded across her chest and legs dangling together below her, much like those blond haired fellows in that one show Akane-ducky used to watch when she was younger. It also helped that she had a cute but dazzling blue glow around her. If the dear girl below wasn't so busy running for her life, she might have thought it was pretty cool.

"Akane-ducky, what am I going to do with you?" Kasumi sighed, watching their frantic trek.

* * *

Nabiki shifted through the keys on the keychain that had been hidden under the umbrella stand for several years, before recalling which one was the one she needed. Racing, she made it to the back yard, and looked around. With a whimper, she realized that Kasumi had planted a garden over the entrance, since it was believed that after Akane had been calmed down, they no longer needed it.

"Sorry, Kasumi," with the apology, Nabiki rushed to the back yard shed, and pulled out a shovel. After several nanoseconds of fierce digging, she found the round trap door she had been looking for that lead to the underground bomb shelter. It wasn't going to matter much soon, since the land on the surface would be totally barren. Kasumi's precious garden was a lost cause.

She quickly unlocked the door, and dropped into the hole, before shutting the door securely behind her. Once she had secured herself inside the dark, nuclear proof cellar, she realized that the water that had been stored inside with her was probably stale, and the food rations were assuredly spoiled. Too bad she didn't have time to go grocery shopping before Akane brought forth the end of the world in a temper-tantrum.

"Nabiki-dear, is that you?"

"EEEYYYAAAHHH!!!" Nabiki jumped; terrified that she was locked inside with Akane. When you're stark mad with terror, everyone's voice tends to sound the same.

"It's me, your father," Soun quickly identified himself before his daughter broke down.

"Daddy? How did you get in here?" Nabiki asked, surprised to find her remaining parent inside with her.

"The basement entrance," the Tendou Patriarch explained, "I didn't want to disturb Kasumi's garden." Once they had both calmed down, Soun broached the subject, "So, I overheard her asking for your phone..."

"Yes..." Nabiki responded, as if that was the only confirmation she needed to give.

"I see," Soun replied, wishing he was allowed to smoke in his current location.

"Daddy?"

"Yes dear?"

"Hold me."

"Only if you hold me."


	32. Chapter 31 'Mommys mean BUSINESS' Pt 2

'Tender Loving Care' 

"So," Ranma began casually, "any idea why your sister suddenly grew a backbone, claimed she gave birth to you, and is chasing you all over the neighborhood?" Ranma blinked, and looked up, "Oh, and can levitate, too?"

Akane stopped, looking around to ensure they were still in the clear; no sister or obsessive holy men around. After waving hello to Mrs. Hayashi who was watering her garden, she turned around and kicked Ranma in the face, "Alright quiet so I can think."

"Well, I could stab your eardrums, if that'll help," Ranma offered, sounding a mite bit irritated.

"I can't believe Kasumi would even joke about something like this!" Akane growled, punctuating her aggravation by grinding her foot into Ranma's skull. In an instant, she found herself seeing things from a new perspective.

"You know? Blue panties are definitely not you," Ranma commented. He wasn't sure of her response, seeing as how her dress was muffling her assuredly colorful commentary. Ranma plucked the taunt fishing line, nodding at the quaint humming sound that reverberated the whole length from the street light above them, to where it was snared onto Akane's leg. "So, chief, what do you plan on doing now?"

"MMmmph mm mmmu mmm-mm!"

"Huh? Can't understand with you gargling your dress." Ranma helpfully pulled the fabric from the girl's face.

"First, you're going to let me down," Akane stated with deadly calm."

"And then what?"

"We'll bury that body when we've brutalized it."

"I have a suggestion, Akane-ducky, Ranma. Why don't you two get your asses back home? I wouldn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the street."

Both Ranma and Akane blinked, before noticing the warm light they were being bathed in.

"GET ME DOWN NOW"

* * *

Soun's eyebrows just barely rose over the edge of the garden exit of the Tendou bomb shelter, before closing the lid once again, "The land isn't a barren ruin yet, I wonder what's taking so long?"

"You think Ranma stopped her?" Nabiki asked, hopefully.

"Stop your sister?" Soun asked, incredulously, before chuckling and patting Nabiki's head as he did when she was much younger, "Now, little Nabiki, you know full well there is no stopping Akane."

"Well, Mom used to," Nabiki commented, somberly, "Hey, are you patronizing me, Daddy?"

"How about when it's safe to traverse the soon to become desolate, unforgiving terrain, we get you a lollipop?" Soun offered, ruffling Nabiki's hair.

The middle Tendou sister surmised that her father's mind snapped, but that wasn't an excuse, "You're gonna pay out the nose for that one, Daddy... with whatever currency they will use in the new civilization. By the way, why hasn't Kasumi shown up yet?"

Soun paused, before looking upwards, "You can go get her if you like."

"Na, I'm sure she'll be okay..." Nabiki responded with false confidence and immense self-preservation.

* * *

"QUICK, IN HERE!" Akane immediately tugged Ranma into a department store, barely managing to pull the door all the way open before running through it.

"Hairspray, large rubber bands, steel ball bearings, linen dust rags, flat wood plank, matches..." Ranma idly took inventory of everything Akane was rapidly collecting from the shelves, "Hey, get that brand of lamp oil, it burns much cleaner."

The youngest Tendou nodded to Ranma and smiled in appreciation, as they both rushed by the counter, pausing only long enough to leave sufficient payment, and quickly exited.

"You do realize that's your sister you're about to firebomb, right?" Ranma enquired.

"Hush, you," Akane commanded, as she finished fastening the rubber bands around the rags, forming a neat ball. She quickly doused it with the lamp oil, and a nice coating of highly flammable hairspray to give it that bold, jazzy hold that would last all day.

"Akane-Ducky, if you don't stop this nonsense right now, you're going to be so in trouble!"

"You know? For someone who's floating several meters in the air, she makes an awful lot of empty threats." Ranma looked at Akane, "So, what's the wood plank for?"

"THIS!" Akane cried out, smashing it into the side of Ranma's head, knocking him into the ground in a daze. She then laid it upon him, with the raised end towards the flying Kasumi, and set the rag ball on the other side of the plank, "FOR THE LAST TIME, QUIT CALLING ME AKANE-DUCKY!"

To emphasize her irritation, Akane lit a match, and held it between the rag ball and the nozzle of the hairspray. She jumped on the other end of the board, launching the flaming projectile into the sky, arching it perfectly into her floating sister, smashing it into her gut, and sending her plummeting into the ground.

From the explosion that rose over the rooftops, Akane figured Kasumi's flaming caucus landed on a propane tank or something, "That'll learn her-YOUCH!"

"You dropped a couple of matches," Ranma helpfully stated, as he watched Akane hop around with her whole shoe on fire. He shrugged when he realized she wasn't paying attention, and tossed the now empty container of lamp oil into a nearby receptacle. "Gotta be careful about littering, you know?"

"AKANE! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT PLAYING WITH FIRE?"

Both teens turned to look incredulously at the sudden spire of flame that rose into the sky, before spreading into the shape of a bird that light up the day sky brighter than the sun. At the center floated a very livid Kasumi with her arms folded; tapping the fingers of her left hand against her right arm.

"You know? First her excellent cooking skills, then the flying thing, then this, your sister never ceases to amaze me."

Akane growled at seeing her attempt foiled, before tugging Ranma with her, "Come on, we're not licked yet"

* * *

"THERE! THE GREAT SYMBOL BEYOND THE HORIZON GUIDES US, LIGHTS THE WAY TOWARDS THE CHRIST-BEAST-"

"Uh, we're not Christians," one of the robed figures commented.

"TOWARDS THE BASTARD SPAWN OF SA- er... um... OF EVIL INCARNATE!" Brother Joe proclaimed, "COME, BROTHERS, LET US MARCH FORTH ON OUR QUEST TO VANQUISH THIS POX UPON HUMANITY!"

"She's an awfully cute pox though."

The disciple shirked back at the glares he received.

"ALL IN FAVOR FOR IMPLEMENTING THE RITE OF CASTURATION...?"

* * *

"So, you think she's wearing asbestos underwear or something?" Ranma enquired, still trying to consider how Kasumi survived getting hit by a flying ball of fire, and falling six stories onto a gas tanker or something.

"How dare she, how DARE she!" Akane growled in mantra, not even allowing her harried run to make her cease, "Fine, if she wants to play hardball, then welcome to the big leagues!"

Looking around, the nearby construction sight, "I got it! In here!"

"Didn't we do this bit already?" Ranma enquired, but followed anyhow. Both he and Akane ran around to the other side of the building foundation that had just been framed, before the raven haired girl turned, and stopped Ranma, "Stand here!"

"Um, okay, you're not gonna just leave me here, are you?" Ranma asked, not wanting to be left out on the great fun he was able to share with one of his fiancées. If Akane was always this exciting, he may just pick her!

Akane didn't answer, and ran behind a low stacked pile of I beams. Blinking, Ranma shrugged, and turned around as he felt the heat radiating behind him. "Uh... I bet you're looking for Akane, right?" Finally facing the obviously hostile nineteen year old woman, he gulped at the baleful glare and nod she gave.

"If you would be so kind as to tell me where my dear daughter is, we have a lot to discu-"

Ranma's eyes widened, as Kasumi suddenly flipped backwards, once again pummeling from the sky to land smack into the unlaid building foundation.

"RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!" Akane shouted, standing up from behind the I-beams and lowering her potato gun.

"Where the heck did you have that thing hidden?" Ranma asked, incredulously.

Akane didn't answer, as she decided to give a helpful assist to the building contractors by hopping into the cement mixing truck, and dumping the contents. Once the foundation was laid, Akane quickly worked to smooth it out, nodding in appreciation to Ranma's help. She had to note his quality craftsmanship as he evened out the quick drying cement.

"Not bad," Akane congratulated her accomplice, "You're actually pretty good at this!"

"Done it couple of times before," Ranma commented, "Seems the most convenient way to keep people from bothering you again. You do realize that was your sister we just buried, right?"

Akane waived the concern off, "Well if she wouldn't leave me alone, it wouldn't have come down to this." Akane started back home, "Come on, I'll be cooking dinner tonight."

Ranma gave one last glance back, before taking a step. As he did so, the tremors began, and grew to the point of registering on the Richter scale, "Uh..."

Both turned, seeing the newly laid foundation began to crack, before suddenly rupturing in a geyser of concrete shards that reached several stories high. From its source, an eerily glowing body pulled itself out of the hole created, like a demon breaking through the earth to escape from hell.

Both teens stepped back, now showing more than a little fear, as the figure's head snapped to look at them, barely obscured by the messy, dirty hair that draped over the face.

"You... are so grounded... Akane," Kasumi proclaimed in an unearthly, guttural growl.


	33. Chapter 32 'Mommys mean BUSINESS' Finale

Tender Loving Care 

"Akane, if you would excuse my curiosity... HOW IN THE HELL DID SHE JUST DO THAT?" Ranma calmly enquired. Really, floating in the air, surviving a blazing inferno, and almost having her head taken off by a spud launcher... but that was three feet of concrete...

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!" Akane shouted back, attempting to put as much distance between her and her sister as possible. She was running out of options, fast, but her own temper continued to grow the more Kasumi defied her.

"Uh, and one other thing, Akane..."

"WHAT?"

"Perhaps we should stop shouting, or we'll never hear the sound of the approaching rottwieler..."

Akane stopped, "What rott-" Then, she heard the faint rumbling; the low, almost subsonic, earth trembling growl that was steadily getting louder, "What the-ACK!"

Ranma blinked, as Akane just narrowly pulled away from gaining a brilliant smile that stretched all the way around her neck. He turned to look at the attacking source, and was rather surprised, "Wow, never seen 'em miss before..."

Bunny glared universes of malice at Akane, as its claws pierced into the concrete sidewalk, growling like an underfed and threatened rapid doberman, and its teeth clenched the Chicago straight razor in its mouth even tighter.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT THING?" Akane screeched, rubbing her neck nervously. She just barely dodged again, as Bunny made another playful pass at one of Akane's vital areas.

"Hmm, seems upset about something," Ranma mused, "You didn't stroke Bunny's fur the wrong way, did you? Rabbits really hate that."

"I WOULDN'T EVEN TOUCH THE DAMN THING!" Akane ducked, causing Bunny to soar right over her, and slice through the chain link fence behind her.

"Uh huh, uh huh," Ranma nodded firmly, before pounding his fist into his hand, "That's it! Bunny's feeling dejected you're not playing with him! I think he's making up for lost time."

"Ranma, I swear if-ACK- you don't do some-OW IT NICKED ME!-thing, I swear I will do something irrevocably RASH!"

Ranma simply took out a Polaroid camera...

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Ranma took out a pen, and wrote on the back of the photo 'Akane and Bunny; playtime'.

Akane managed to maneuver the rabbit into a concrete telephone pole, watching it get lodged halfway in, before the pole fell in half.

Ranma finished dating the picture, and nodded at his penmanship, "So, you ready to go, now? Your sister should have caught up with us by now."

"DAMN IT! IF YOU WOULD HAVE ONLY CALLED OFF YOUR PSYCHO-BEAST WE'LD-"

Akane jerked her head to the bunny that attempted to blindside her, as a blast of energy impacted with it, and sent it sprawling several yards away. "Kasumi..."

"If you're quite done playing with the damn rabbit," Said sister growled, completely livid from having to chase Akane across Nerima.

"I'm getting the feeling she's been letting us get away," Ranma's consideration was ignored, as Akane pulled him along. "You know? I think she's letting you dig yourself in deeper."

"SHUT UP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ANYHOW!"

"Hey," Ranma retorted, aggravated at the accusation, "How is this my fault?"

:THOCK:

"Hmm, this isn't good" Ranma admitted, as he stared at the arrow imbedded in the stone wall, just an inch from his nose. Both turned, to find themselves suddenly surrounded by the legion of Chinese Amazons.

"No chances this time," The Amazon elder with the wraparound shades and enough bling-bling to fund a small country, Han Tao, commanded, "Bows at ready... on my word, ice the punk-bitch."

"But, um, what about the girl with him?" The lavender haired leader of the hunting party, Shampoo, enquired.

"Shoulda checked herself before she wrecked herself." Shampoo translated that to 'unfortunate innocent casualty', before raising her bow.

"RIGHTOUSNESS IS OURS!"

"NO! NO!" Han Tao screamed out, as a rain of fire descended upon the outer ring of Amazons

"Hey guys, start'n to miss ya," Ranma greeted his acolytes, as they attacked the Amazons with a zealous fervor.

"BY THE PRAISE OF THE MESSIAH, WE DELIVER HIM FROM THE EVILS THAT SURROUND HIM!" Brother Joe decreed, raising his giant claymore over his head, and charging at Akane with a blind fury. He was almost upon her before, "OW! SOMETHING BIT ME!"

Something apparently bit him, as he stumbled to the ground; his hands discarding his weapon to rub his nipped rear.

Ranma looked from the tiger striped bandanna that was sticking out of Brother Joe's butt, and towards the young man it originated from.

"Ranma, how dare you bring this poor, innocent girl into your hellish mess?" Ryoga seethed, as he stalked towards Ranma.

"Innocent? You haven't been keeping up with current events, have you?" Ranma commented drolly, while Akane nodded in agreement.

Ryoga's retort had to be delivered at another time, as a giant bovine-aviary-serpentine-primate landed next to him, and batted the lost boy out of the way with his crutch.

"DARLING! You saved me from that brute!" Ranma proclaimed, clapping his hands together...

"You have no shame," Akane commented, almost embarrassed to be seen with the pigtailed boy.

Ranma then noticed the steam snorting from the creature's nose, the bloodshot eyes, its left arm in a sling, and its right leg in a cast. The pigtailed boy groaned at the sight, "Great, you're gonna complain about 'spousal abuse' again, aren't you? I told you, if we would only go to counseling we can make this a happy marriage!"

Pantyhose Saotome's pupils seemed to disappear from his eyes, as he raised his crutch high above his head to crush the ultimate bane of his life. Unfortunately, he forgot that his right leg was incapable of supporting him. Akane gasped, and ran off, leaving the young martial artist to his 'lover's quarrel'.

Ranma and Akane both jolted, as Ranma's spouse opened his mouth in a soundless scream, and fell flat on his face. The two teens watched, as he slowly pulled itself up to its one hand and knees, and crawled after Ranma.

* * *

"Sayuri! I almost didn't see you hiding for your life behind this heavily damaged wall!" Akane chirped, glad to see her friend.

"Ah, hi Akane, just pretend to keep not seeing me!" Sayuri responded with a quivering voice...

"Heh, you're such a kidder sometimes," Akane giggled, lightly slugging one of her best friends in the arm, "Hey, can you do me a favor"

* * *

"LEAVE MY SWEET RANMA ALONE!" Pantyhose Saotome's progress was halted, by the effect of a divine Hindu being slamming him through the street.

Ranma waited patiently, as the Ashura crawled from the newly created hole, "Ranma!"

"Yo."

It's a rather disturbing sight, to see a six armed, several yards tall, three headed, golden feminine demon skip towards you. Ranma had apparently gotten used to it. "I missed you!"

"Uh, I guess it's been what... a day or so?" Ranma enquired.

"Won't you greet your love with a kiss?" Rouge pleaded, fluttering the eyes on her front face.

"Ah... close all your eyes, then!" Ranma requested. The Ashura complied, before leaning forward, and tasting the sweet, delicious lips of the one she pledged she loved.

"A-hyuck, I've never kissed a girl before!"

Rouge opened her eyes, to find one of the white robed idiots that have been littering the area before her, "You're not my Sweet Ranma..."

"Can we kiss again?"

The eyes on the Ashura's front face narrowed into a hooded gaze, while the next set of eyes glared, and the left eye on the final set twitched.

* * *

"Yo, Akane, where'd you run off to?" Ranma shouted out, strolling through the war zone, while ignoring the screaming disciple that ran past him on fire.

"So I says to myself, if ah ever want rabbit fricassee, ah gotta serve up its owner for the main course..."

Ranma turned just in time to see the blow torch pointing in his direction.

"LEAVE MY SWEET RANMA ALONE!"

"That's two I owe ya, I guess," Ranma stated with gratitude, as Rouge intercepted the fire blast from the trench-coated Texan. After getting herself braced, the Hindu divine being started pushing against the powerful stream. Creed grit his teeth, as he felt the resistance pushed back into him. He began to back up, slowly losing this battle of force.

Ranma watched them take their fight away from him, before turning towards the diminutive ancient martial artist that landed before him, "THIS TIME, RANMA, YOU WILL DIE!"

"But by my hand," a raspy voice interjected, just as a segmented chain wrapped around Happosai's leg, "So why don't you gets to stepp'n, O'G'?"

With a flip of the wrist, Happosai was sent into the sky. At the spectacle, Ranma had to applaud. Han Tao bowed, before brandishing her snake cane.

She then joined Happosai skywards, as a yeti-ox-crane-eel-octopus thing punched up out of the ground, and turned to glare with infinite malice at Ranma.

Happosai landed, taking Pantyhose Saotome out of the equation, "Now, where were we before we were interrupted, Ranma 'm boy?"

"LEAVE MY SWEET RANMA ALONE!"

"Rouge-chan, how could youuuuuuuu!"

"Thanks, babe!"

The Ashura beamed, before yelping, and running from the flying barrage of quality cutlery. "DON'T WORRY, THEY'RE HEAT RESISTANT, DARL'N!" Creed chortled, as he continued to toss volleys of butcher knives at the demoness.

"So, you enjoying yourself?"

"Oh, hey, Akane, wondering where you ran off to," Ranma greeted, before answering her question, "I can't say, it's kinda like watching reruns now."

"Yeah," Akane agreed, "kinda hungry, there's an ice cream shop nearby, if you're interested."

"Sounds good to me." Both Ranma and Akane turned to leave, "So, where did you go?"

"Ah, had to make a phone call. Sayuri was kind enough to let me use her cell."

"Well, that was awfully nice of her. Who did you call?"

Akane grinned, "We better hurry if we wanna enjoy that ice cream."

"Like you deserve ice cream, Akane-ducky!"

"Shit, forgot about her!" Akane groused, before looking up at Kasumi. Everyone paused, turning their attention up to the vibrantly glowing, and incredibly irked elder sister of the Tendou clan. "Will you just give it a rest, Kasumi?"

"All of you should be ashamed of yourselves!" Kasumi scolded the gathered mass, "acting like a bunch of hooligans in this quiet neighborhood!" And as for you, Akane, we'll discuss this when we get home!"

Akane blinked, before looking past Kasumi, and grinning, "Ah, I'm afraid none of us have time for that, sis."

"Huh?" Ranma turned to look where Akane was, before baulking. Bearing down on them, was a missile a little larger than a bus. Didn't take long to figure out what Akane's call was about, "ARE YOU INSANE?"

The sentiment was audibly mirrored by the girl floating in the air, directly in the ICBM's path.

* * *

To even the south districts of Tokyo, the brilliant light could be seen, awing and terrifying the residents of Japan's capital. Whoever unleashed the terrible attack was to be feared, and had much to answer for. The light faded, revealing a mushroom cloud growing in its place. With sorrow, many of citizens noted that it seemed to be settled in one of the northern districts.

* * *

The residents of Nerima, particularly the ones sitting at... or rather under ground zero, had to admit they were rather awed, too.

"Now Akane-ducky," Kasumi began in a conversational tone, ignoring the force of the blast being held at bay above the city of Nerima... solely by her right hand, "What have I told you about playing with weapons of mass destruction within city limits?"

"N-no way!" Akane breathed, before stumbling to the ground in shock.

Kasumi turned to Pantyhose Saotome, "You, young man, come here please..."

The giant beast looked around him, finding everyone pointed at him. Blinking, he pointed at himself, hoping he wasn't really the object of her attention.

"Yes, you," Kasumi responded in an agitated sigh. Hesitantly, Pantyhose Saotome made his way towards the woman, as she landed on the ground, still holding the inverted dome of energy up over everyone, "Hold this for me, it's not quite that heavy, I assure you."

Pantyhose took over, and almost baulked at the strain.

Kasumi marched towards her youngest sister, and past her, dragging Akane along by the arm. Everybody parted for her, as she then sat down on a bus stop bench, and pulled Akane over her lap, "This will hurt me more than it will you!"

No matter how many times it's been heard, the gathered crowd developed a unified sneeze that sounded peculiarly like 'bullshit'.

Akane went stiff, as she felt her panties pulled down to expose her bare bottom, but then jolted when she felt the first meaty smack. As the smacks continued, the gathered audience turned away in sympathy and respect, while at a dual mind to admit that she had it coming to her.

"I wish it didn't have to come to this" Kasumi stated, pulling Akane's underpants back up, and standing the thoroughly humiliated girl before her, "but you're my dear little ducky, and I want you to be a good girl, for me, please?"

Akane wanted to remain ever defiant, so that she could punish her eldest sister in relatively short time; but the look on Kasumi's face, the sad, pleading, yet firm expression that she hadn't seen in years... it was a look only one person she ever knew and loved could pull off.

"M-Mommy?"

Kasumi nodded, allowing a slight smile to cross her face, as her eyes began to tear up.

"IIM S-SORRY!" Akane proclaimed, latching on to her possessed sister in a needy hug, "I won't do it again! I promise!"

"I know, Akane-ducky, I know," Mrs. Tendou whispered, hugging her daughter back.

"Awwwww," came the unified crowd's comment.

"Well, all's well that ends well, huh Mrs. T?" Ranma interjected, genuinely touched by the whole scene.

"And as for YOU, young man..."

"OW!" Ranma attempted to jerk away from the grasp on his ear, but found it stubbornly tight.

Mrs. Tendou didn't seem sympathetic to his plight, "I think we need to have a discussion with your mother on your conduct!"

Ranma stopped fighting Mrs. Tendou's hold, when it registered what she said, "M-My mother?"


	34. Chapter 33 'Family Disunions' Pt 1

'Tender Loving Care' 

"I'm terribly sorry to bother about this, from what you've told me, this should have been a happier occasion," Kasumi stated in a calm and motherly tone, as she set down her cup of tea from her previous sip.

"Yes," the woman across from her at the coffee table agreed, though with a slightly nervous tone, "Though I have waited ten long years for this moment, it does seem remarkably... tainted by recent events."

"I suppose, but boys will be boys... as well as my little tomboy will forever remain a tomboy," Kasumi smiled fondly at the thought of her little sister; mischievous little troublemaker that she was.

The woman across the table frowned, "Ranma was supposed to become a man among men upon his return."

Kasumi frowned in turn, before returning her face its previous pleasant expression, "Do you still have that contract? Can I see it?"

The woman beamed, before pulling a folded piece of rice paper from whereabouts unknown, "Yes, even without my son in my presence, I keep this around for comfort."

Kasumi smiled as she retrieved the paper from her long time friend, "Of course, I underst- ooh ooh! Firefingers!"

"ACK!" the visiting woman screamed, as she witnessed the contract suddenly burst into green flame.

Kasumi sighed dramatically, "I'm terribly sorry, you see, old paper tends to spontaneously combust with an ethereal flame in this household."

The woman shrugged, seeming not to notice the sarcastic, dry tone of her hostess, "Well, this copy is a bit newer."

Kasumi blinked, as she was handed another folded piece of rice paper, and groaned, as it also ignited into green flame. She rolled her eyes to the auburn haired woman across from her, and frowned deeper at the unphased expression she wore, "I don't suppose you have more copies of this, do you?"

The woman smirked, understanding she had the upper hand, "Well, I thought it would be prudent if backups were available, just in case my husband attempted to go back on his word..." Or other incidents were to occur.

Kasumi gave her guest a flat stare, "Nodoka, don't make me burn down your house to protect the life of your son."

The woman named Nodoka baulked at the threat; she recalled an older woman than Kasumi giving a similar threat, except with one of her youngest daughter's cooking attempts being replaced by pyromaniac intentions, "Er... well accidents can still happen, I suppose... I'll arrange for them to happen when I get home."

"You could always be a sensible woman when you were shown reason," Kasumi dry-toned.

Nodoka shifted more in her seat, now feeling a bit more uncomfortable with her present company, "It is... good to talk with you once again... but, um... isn't it a bit, shall I say... awkward to be possessing your daughter's body?"

Kasumi double blinked, before raising her eyebrows in understanding, "Oh, not at all! In fact it's quite interesting, Kasumi-dear has so many interesting stories to tell her mother..." The possessed Kasumi's eyes widened in scandal, "KASUMI! With that Hayashi boy? Where could I have gone wrong with you?"

"Yes... well, I think that as much as your daughter enjoys this mother/daughter bonding moment... perhaps it is time for you to return to your rest?" Nodoka felt some sympathy towards the young home maker; her thoughts should be private, even if Nodoka herself admitted she would do the same thing the deceased Tendou was doing to her daughter if she had the opportunity with her son."

"Yes, well, I do suppose I overstayed my welcome, but I do so miss my children," Mrs. Tendou said, wistfully. She clasped onto the other woman's hands, before making her plea, "Please, if it's not too much to ask, watch over them too, as well as your son. And let them know that regardless of their quirks, I love them, and I'm still proud of all of them."

"Well, at least there will be someone to mother, if I do so have to proclaim my son unmanly..."

"No. Do. Ka."

Nodoka's eyebrows raised; that was rather impressive how the specter before her had managed to make a sentence out of each syllable in her name, "Perhaps this is all unwarranted, I'm sure Genma did a fine job with our son."

Kasumi's expression turned dubious, "Of course, 'Aburama' Saotome is the very example of manliness..."

Nodoka pouted, "He's not fat, he holds a great deal of girth."

Mrs. Tendou patted Mrs. Saotome's hand gently, before Kasumi slumped over. The Saotome matriarch quickly moved to ensure the girl didn't fall face-first into her tea, but found her caution unwarranted, as Kasumi caught herself, and sat up. She shifted her eyes side to side, and then upwards, before putting her face in her hands, "My mother thinks I'm a slut!"

"There, there, she thinks nothing of the sort," Nodoka consoled, massaging the girl's hands to comfort her.

(O.o)

"Ow... quit it! Ow... quit it! OW!" Akane turned from her homework to glare at the pigtailed young man sitting on the raven haired girl's bed.

Ranma ceased shooting bits of thickly folded paper from a rubber band at Akane, "Come on, aren't you gonna do something back?"

Akane glared sullenly at Ranma, before turning back to her homework, "Mom says I need to behave."

Ranma threw himself back onto Akane's bed, "So, you just gonna fold because your mother told ya to?" Ranma snorted, "And you were just starting to get entertaining."

"Some of us think it's important to listen to our parents..."

"Only when they find out they're capable of possessing their siblings and issuing spankings in public," Ranma added, smirking at the way Akane went rigid.

"Yeah, well...," Was all Akane dared to retort, before stating more to herself than the room's other occupant, "At least she didn't possess Nabiki." Akane was more than sure that Nabiki would take great glee in reddening her younger sister's bottom, and provide any assistance to her possessor, as well as suggestions for 'disciplinary implementations'. You 'accidentally' break her hip, and she gains an ever lasting vindictive streak against you, sisters...

"Yeah yeah, 'Her power level would be over FIVE THOUSAND!" Ranma stated in a deep voice and incredulous that mimicked a character from a certain power battle anime, as he mock-baulked at the thought. "You're no fun. I mean, what's it to ya if your mother is into public humiliation? It's not like you're gonna be embarrassed forever."

Akane turned to regard Ranma, and tilted her head to the side. After some thought, she smirked, "You know, Ranma? I think you'll understand soon enough."

"What? You mean that woman claiming to be my mom?" Ranma enquired, before snorting, "Not likely."

"Well, young man, I think it's a highly likely scenario..."

Ranma lazily raised his head to regard the woman standing in Akane's doorway, "Oh, it's you."

"First, you will not address me as 'you'," the woman commanded, "Second, you will respect me, I am your mother, and-"

"If you're my mother, why didn't Pop ever mention ya?" Ranma interjected, staring up at the ceiling as if it were more interesting than the woman in the threshold.

"It's because I... wait, what do you mean he never mentioned me?"

Ranma blew a stray hair that was tickling his nose from his bangs, "Pop never talked about ya, he never even hinted at ya, nutt'n. You some kinda scam artist? If you are, Pop's ain't exactly loaded."

Nodoka's left eye twitched, "Well, I think I'll discuss this... oversight with your father on a later date, as for you? While I shall give your father the benefit of the doubt... for the time being... that he has successfully raised you to meet the capabilities he boasted he would instill in you, I think it's time you learned how to be a man of proper society, as well as a man among men."

"Izzat so...?" Ranma drawled, unimpressed by the woman, "What makes you think you can succeed where a whole village of warrior women failed?"

"She's not out to kill you, Ranma," Akane interjected, before turning back to her homework, "Though once she gets to know you..."

"I thought I was such a lovable guy, too."

"Like the Anti-Christ is a lovable guy."

"Enough, you will treat me with the respect I am warranted as your mother and your elder, or else..."

"Or else... what?" Ranma challenged, sitting up on the bed and glaring defiantly at the woman.

Nodoka fingered the wrapped bundle she had been holding against her shoulder in the crook of her left arm, "Or else... I shall have to discipline you?"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Please try somewhere else, I'm trying to study for this Calculus test," Akane asked, finally growing tired of the son/mother posturing.


End file.
